All Comments on 'Two-Demon's Love Ch. 01'

Interesting storyline so far. I look forward to some more explanation and continuation.

Nothing really jumped out at me negatively, but I've been told I'm not a very 'critical' reader. Lovely read Prim

very good start. looking forward to more.

I must say, your writing style is really beautiful and unique! I wish there was some more context to the story but I'm sure it will all be revealed in proceeding chapters.

Really loving the story and style of writing so far! It's refreshing and lovely to see such a unique writing style.

I liked the "woken by the sun tickling her face" line. (The nice comment you asked for)

Other good points compacted to some recent stories I've read, sort of.

1- you know word differences like their and there.

2- every sentence didn't seem to start with the same word. Such as the, he, she, it or a persons name.

However.... "appeared to be a king sized bed" it's an unnatural pairing in a phrase. See you have admitted that you don't know the size, when you used appeared, then you stated an exact size by using, king sized bed. It's like saying " it's about 213.1765 centimetres to the wall in front of me. A natural phrase is " the wall's about 2 meters away". Then you have to dress it up to fit your story, maybe more feminine or more anxious depending on the story. You could have fixed this up if character was doing the talking or thinking rather than a non entity describing the scene. They could have said or thought something like" Wow that's a big bed, maybe a king size, it does look bigger than my queen size bed"

Why on this earth or any parallel earth or demon realm would a maiden not be able to push off a single blanket? Really? I'll take the king sized bed line rather than that filler paragraph.

So a maiden, therefore not modern, unless your incorrectly applying old terms to modern day. She is wearing a nightgown. Old term so reasonable to assume old clothes. Linen, cotton, felt, leather, fur and metal that's about all the old clothing materials I can think of. No zips, velcro, elastic. Buttons were a late thing in Europe. So laces it is. So what else would the nightgown laces be doing, other than holding it up and together?

Your flowery phrases have a place, but just not everywhere in a story.

The above is the sum total of what I read of your story.

Anonymous comments should be banned