All Comments on 'Two Little Sisters'

You took forever building up to the sexual situation, and when it finally arrived, the story was practically over. And it wasn't an especially long story. It was actually a pretty short story, and 80-90% of it was non-sexual.

If you plan on posting additional chapters, please, please don't end the chapters so quickly, and don't wait until the final paragraphs to get to the naughty stuff.

The timing on this is all messed up.

Joined at 18. retired after 20yrs when your

sisters are age 4. Thats you at 38 plus watching

them grow for 14 more yrs. Your a 52 yr old man

that still gets morning wood...

You go from protective & reluctant father figure to

daring them to be naked and cum on one of them

in the blink of an eye... = Reality check.

Writing about the military with obviously no knowledge of it was a bad start to a bad very short story. For one thing, you can't save almost a years worth of leave. The abosolute most you can save would be 90 days and if you hit that on Oct 1st, it automatically gets reduced to 60. Also, when you are an officer, you don't have to sign for another term. In fact the opposite is the case, you actually have to resign your commission or retire if you want to leave. So from that point on I was not really interested.

Good story but too short. Is there more to come?

Piss poor grammar. Did you now that when you finish dialog that a comma goes in there to end it?

"Come on" Rose said.

The comma goes right after 'on.'

"Come on," Rose said.

Then you have this abortion of a sentence:

"Are you going to do it" Lily asked?

Seriously? Are you that grammar challenged that you put the question mark at the end of the sentence instead of inside the quotations?

"Are you going to do it?" Lily asked.

Then we have a total lack of a question mark here: "Can I touch it" Rose asked.

You need tons of help, dude.

US forces units have Chaplins? I suppose it keeps the troops entertained.

If your going to use military service in your story, at least research it enough to know what is BS and what isn't. A years leave saved up? Really? Accruing leave at the rate of 30 days a year, that's 12 years worth of leave.

Yes, Anon, military units do have chaplains. What I find odd is the age difference. By my math, he would have been about 22 when he entered the Corps. 22 yrs between children? Am I right on that or did I miss something? Having said this, and not really liking it a lot, I think it should have been longer. Since that didn't happen, maybe another chapter.

Did he go to West Point? ( Oh that's Army! ) How did he become an officer? Made Colonel in just 20 years? Wow!

I agree it would take over 12 years of leave time to have a year built up.

Don't mean to pck your story apart but get your facts right.

the story premise was nice. Yes, there were some factual disgrepancies; but it is nice to know so many readers are aware of military structure, leave accrual, and other matters of such. I look forward to the continuation of this tale/tail(s) (and yes, he would be a shave tail). Thank you,

Clearly you have only a passing familiarity with both the US Military and grammar. Get to know them well before you edit and resubmit this.

I enjoyed it. Parts of this tale were not realistic, but then again, I'm not looking for realism on this web site. Keep 'em coming.

The carpers may have ther little points, but don't forgtt it' a good story that needs continuing!

Nice start. A few errors. But it's about the story.

To the Error Police:

Get a Life, find other stories to nag about.

It's about fantasy, not really accuracy.

Thank you.

But it was too short for there not to be more of the story.

good story. keep writing!

Anon was making a joke , a play on words between "chaplain' and "Chaplin", hence the keeping them amused comment; get your head out of your ass, you pompous windbag, who died and made you the king of wit? You're just a twat, get a life

Nice story but way to short more of a tease than a whole story but keepn writing it is pretty good so far.

I suppose I stand corrected on my bit about unit Chaplin. I zipped right by it looking for the story to really start. But calling me a pompous windbag and a twat is uncalled for. I mean really? Get a life indeed, Mr. Anonymous.

didnt get past first paragraph.if he was 22 when the sisters were born and he spent 20 yrs in the corps why did he have raise them at all they should have been sophomores at least in COLLEGE not still in high school.so cant count, doesnt know military regulations,or proper writing punctuation so why read more?

your story is great, a bit short though nicely paced...

Unless the main character was fast tracked in schooling, he would be in his 40's if the twins were in their late teens..

You don't really understand how question marks work, do you?

Would love to see this one continue from where it left off.

Too short.

No substance.

Rushed and slopy.

Fail.

No pun intended! Give him a good sized cock, a healthy pubic bush (flaming in color) and some chest hair -- that'll be a real turn on for his sisters. I foresee good times for all three!

Dude there was no fucking sex it was too short and it made him very unattractive so why would their sisters want to do him this story sucked

-First off, the max leave one can accumulate is 90 days.

-Secondly, officers don't "sign on" for additional tours. A LtCol or Col can remain on active duty until they get tired of it or the Service "gently" suggests it is time to get out.

-Third, in keeping with previous comments, where's the rest?

Tell the previous reviewers to put their cocks away and hold their horses. Us experienced Texans know if we service the hiefers at a casual pace, we can service them all, rather than running after the best one, then be too tired for the rest. It the way an experienced Bull makes his ladies happy.

after that you need to continue

You can only have a total of 75 days of leave accrued. All over that is lost.

Short like it

Your knowledge of military regulations suck. Can't carry almost a years leave 90 days max. And all military officers above o3 are indefinite enlistments.

Ok it was alright would have been much better if was not so short

Ummmm.... Wheres the rest?

where's the rest?

ends just as it is getting good

Used my Command Voice there, wondering where the rest of the story is.

C'mon Jarhead, get writing!

Please.

RaM

Wat too short. Please finish.

That was just the introduction to the story! Where is the body of the story? He is telling us that a full Bird Marine Coronel couldn't take charge of two impetuous teenage girls? It don't wash.

So what's happened to it, or am I confusing it with a similar story elsewhere on here ?

I am glad to see that this story and many others on this site point out the devastation that can occur when a DRUNK driver chooses to ignore the fact that he/she is drunk and kills fathers and/or mothers simply to prove(?) he/she can drive drunk. I do wonder how many of these DRUNKS (assuming they survive) could care less of the devastation they cause?

Maybe we should go back to the concept of branding their foreheads with a large "D", male and female.

I wasn't aware that The Little Tramp was a Marine Corps Chaplin - er, Chaplain.

Nice!

Okay, you went from zero to sixty in 3 paragraphs. Ei ther they just went over a cliff Wyle e. Coyote style, or there are several thousand words around here somewhere.

You need to continue this story. It could get interesting.

Only get three stars as you only initiated a tease.......... Extremely short and doesn't meet the standard of length to achieve above 3 stars.

Nice fantasy...

What would mom & dad think? LOL

3 stars