All Comments on 'Ultimate Assassin Saga: Escape'

Firstly I'd like to apologies about the word mix-ups in the beginning. I submitted the fix and it should change within the next few days.

Good solid story, went directions I wasn't expecting and kept me hooked to the very end, very much looking forward to more.

Great story!!! please contiune!!!

Keep it going, great story line and enjoyable character build up.

This was a very enjoyable read.

Reading this story. Wowzer, wasn't expecting such a huge story all in one piece. That being said, and with only one 'scene' in it so far, might be in the wrong category, more a novella on its own, yeah?

Enjoyable, if long read nonetheless, but there was quite a bit a repetition throughout, same word usage for multiple characters about the same subject, rehashing the same thoughts and 'what motivates me' like partway through the 28 lit pages you'd forgotten if the character had told us that yet, so you had to make sure, really sure.

Still, even with the criticism its still a solid read, and danm, I hate to end on a negative note, but I'm just worried the rating is being padded by the great length of this installment. You've got mad skillz brah, mad patience and dedication too, way more of them than I do with my 3ish pages of submissions. ~Grain of salt and all that.

P.S. More please. (Just less of more, first?)

@ jpz007ahren - Thank you very much for your constructive criticism.

@Bengt - Thank you for the words of encouragement by email.

And lastly many thanks to the [Anonymous] commenters.

I wonder if you would classify this as novel/novella category

It was a damn good read too, as with many good novels of this type of genre, it had me immersed totally. This is definately not a spank story, you have taken care to try and bring out the characters for this saga well.

I look foward to the next part of this saga, keep up the good work

@audovoice, Thank you for the criticism - will work on what you stated

@xcorch, I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

I really enjoyed this. I mirror the statement about a little too much rehashing, but overall it was very good. I'm definitely hoping for more.

I wish I could offer my services, but unfortunately I cannot, because an editor might be of some help if you don't have someone doing it for you already.

I love longer stories like this and will be anxiously awaiting the next chapter. I hope he can find Tissiel soon, or we can get an update on her and her son's exploits if he doesn't.

Keep up the great work!

i really liked the story and i am looking forward to more being added as of late there haven,t been as many good stories to read and some authors have had writers block so updates on others are few and far between so glad to have a new author to follow

The characters are well developed and interesting. The storyline flowed and created anticipation as to what was coming next. Well done Undersought! Well done!

Well written. Well developed. Quality and interesting writing that is enjoyable to read. Well done.

There were times where I really liked the story, but other times, I felt myself getting bored. For instance, when the angel queen at the beginning was flying around, it was pretty much a rambling conversation with the reader.

Secondly, the constant reminder about how everyone tries to be so devoid of emotion got to be tiresome after its 100th repetition. Thirdly, you need to work on putting a gun to the head of every word and making it justify its existence. At least ten percent should be shot.

Fourthly, there were situations where I found myself asking, "Why do I care?" There were a lot of actions and dialogue when Arch was with the Amazons about half way through that I felt was only there so you had a reason to connect certain characters, and as such, I really couldn't have cared less about what was going on.

Finally, show, don't tell with your descriptors. Quite often, the introduction of a character included a list of physical features in the paragraph that proceeded their entrance, e.g. He was six foot, two inches tall with a curved blade with flames. Rather, try to include the descriptors in the actions that characters take. For example, "Tide ducked as he entered the door, his shoulders just barely touching the frame as he passed through the threshold." This kind of description tells the reader that Tide is a tall/broad shouldered individual without having to explicitly state it.

The story itself is very interesting and well thought out.

Way too much repetition of phrases within single sentences and paragraphs. I'm not even going to cite any examples, there are hundreds, literally.

My biggest pet peeve though is that the word is conscience, not conscious!!! Your conscience is what makes you feel guilty or prevents you from doing something you know is wrong. Your conscious is what makes you aware. If you'd just mixed them up once or twice I'd say it was typos, but absolutely every time you meant conscience you said conscious.

I was so into reading this and then realized it was getting almost dinner time and I had not started anything. Waiting for the next one :)

So... about when is the next one??

I enjoyed reading this. It has potential to be a great series of stories. Although there is a few things that could be better, but I have a feeling that if you were to revisit this story again in the future for a revision, a lot of the repetition, "filler/fluff", and the like would be fixed. Practice makes perfect, you know?

Wonderful start to a saga! Your character development is superb, as is the creature creativity. An editor would be good to correct minor grammar and spelling errors, and I might reduce the number of unsubstantiated gut feeling ideas, but the plotline is solid and I eagerly await the next installment.

Keep it up!

I couldn't get past the childish prose, bad grammar and poor spelling.

I welcome all feedback, the grammar and spelling issues have been addressed I've already contacted an editor when this piece is fully edited without issues I'll re-upload it. Also please remember positive constructive criticism helps me grow. At end of the day I can't please everyone but I enjoy you all taking your time to comment and I appreciate the positives/negatives/neutrals.

Stayed up till 3:04 am to finish this. When I started I was like, hmmm, long intro, then i was like, ok kinda cool angel characters, then :D woohooo demons, demons are cool. my only perceived drawback is i think of the mother and son doing god knows what god knows where while he is mucking around fixing the world, when he "seems" to have the ability to find them easier. that and his brother the emperor being ultimate at magic and being lord of a lot of beings seems to have a severe lack of tactical planning. All in all i have to give this a 5/5, amazing, good work, well done

Noticed length.

*entering LONG STORY mode*

*dons noise-cancellation headphones*

This is undoubted lyrics the best novel so far I have read, except for Riverwalk.

One of the best stories ever, unfortunately the rating only goes up to 5 stars as this really deserves 100. The characters are great, and Acheron is so noble. Can't wait to find out what happens next.

Dear Undersought,

This was a most entertaining and fantastic read!

Action ... Elves .. Demons ... Sexy Maidens ... Tension...Intrigue ...Villains...

just awesome!!!

thank uou so much for the treat,

awaiting more.

Humble fan

regards

Rahul,

India

Good idea. But your writing reminds me of my aunt from South Carolina. She repeats herself at least three times when she talks. You repeat yourself almost as much and as often. I wonder if the length would be closer to 10-15 pages if all the fluff and repetition were taken out.

Something to focus on in the future. I'd also recommend an editor or two, there is a huge amount of mistakes that look like they've been caused by overuse of spell check.

The idea is good. The execution is however, poor. Poor grammar, poor spelling and you repeat yourself. My biggest frustration was the fact that you have a powerful demon who is going after the love of his life, yet chooses to stay and help humans. With all the minions running around, he doesn't go after her to protect her??? Without having any idea of who or what her son is, the demon is just all 'yeah, I'll betray my brother and people to go after my beautiful angel, oh wait, I'll hang out with some humans indefinitely while I leave her lost and vulnerable in a forest of chaos and evil minions and spies.' You lost me. Stopped reading. I'm done.

Not sure if you're still on Lit and will see this, but this story has serious legs, if you address the issues already mentioned in previous posts.

It seems the repetition comes from tpyou taking a break from writing and reminding yourself of what you're aiming at for your next foray. Honestly you'd be better served to just take notes on a paper notepad and crossing off points as you go.

The she he her his flubs are easily addressed by a second set of eyes. Get an editor. I'd be happy to proofread for you since I love the story.

Thanks for the work. It's a super fun read and I'm looking forward to getting lost in the next step in the adventure.