All Comments on 'Ultragirl Ch. 01'

This is a brilliant lead in..solid world-building and character development with teasing interactions that don't feel rushed.

Fingers crossed for frequent chapters!!

It seems that most of the time I am asking the authors to flesh out their stories more so that we can get a better feel for the characters and the situations in which they find themselves in. In the case of this particular story I think you might have gone just a little bit overboard. I don't mind descriptions of the characters--usually there is not enough information. In this case it was almost analysis overload as you tended to describe everything down to the littlest details (how many times do we have to be told about Ultragirl's baseball-sized breasts and the fit and colors of her uniform?). And then there were the run-on sentences, but at least they were mostly grammatically correct.

The story, itself, was bogged down by too much exposition (I can't believe I'm actually saying that) and it seemed to take forever to get through the action sequences and conversations. You might try your hand at pacing: slow it down as necessary and then speed it up when you want to further the excitement of the story-line. But, all in all, I thought it was a pretty good effort and I will look forward to future chapters. Good luck.

Roger

needed