All Comments on 'Uncle Tom'

I hope there is more to this story

I hope this is not the end of the story, if it is , it is one of the worst on literotica. It must have mentioned to be continued.

I think that this was a nice beginning, and hope that you will continue it and continue to develop the relationship and interaction between Leslie and Uncle Tom. Quite good, really...just please continue it and don't leave us all hanging!

Where's The SEX?

very nice so far, he seems a little jumpy and she doesnt seem so sexually driven, but it seems to be going somewhere... the question is, when will it get there?

....do you think Disney will publish it?

That wasn't a story, that was a half of a story. The beginning was really good, but you need to finish it.

**raises eyebrow***

I think it's missing something...

if you had no intention of finishing, giving some hint of SEX in it, or even giving us something to look forward to in some sort of continuation....why the hell even bother submitting this?

The fact that you wrote over 11,000 words, shows that you would really like to be a writer, and that is why I am adding myself to the list of your critics. However, If I attempted to comment on every segment of your chapters, my comments would probably be longer than your story.

Tell the truth; when you wrote the sentence, "Think of this as Daddy and I's gift to you.", you had been drinking, right? "Daddy and I's?" How about, "our gift to you". Ok, watch your pronouns, adjectives, verbs and adverbs. Make sure you read the words to yourself several times before you are finished with your piece. It was once said that, "Writing is mostly re-writing."

What is "self exploration"? Did you mean "contemplation?" Her parents were going on a cruise for their 25th anniversary. The word "together" is superfluous. Of course they are going together, it is their anniversary.

Get your facts straight. There are many islands in the Bahamas, so you use the plural of the word, not just "Bahama".

Her mother said, "We sent you down to Las Vegas." Check a map, Las Vegas is west of Connecticut, not north. How about, "We are sending you to Las Vegas." The word "sent" implies that she has already departed. Also watch your spelling. The mother said, "leaving you here all along." when I believe you meant "all alone." You do have a spell checker, don't you? Please use it.

You may think that the readers don't care what you write as long as you dump in a lot of four letter words, but reading something that continually "derails the train of thought" from the story makes the reader want to give up and go on to another story, or eat a sandwich or almost anything else. I, being a masochist read all of your five chapters of "Uncle Tom". The story idea wasn't bad, but you must get it together. Go to "Barnes and Nobel" and buy a book on writing. Do something.

On the subject of "Uncle Tom". Is his name whole name "Uncle Tom"?, as you wrote the name "Uncle Tom" about two hundred times thought the five chapters. Does the word "pronoun" come to mind? When you talk to your own relatives, do you always use their full name like, "Aunt Linda", or do you use the term "Ante" once in a while. Would you just say "Good Morning", or would you always say, "Good Morning Aunt Linda. How are you this morning Aunt Linda. Are you going to the store today Aunt Linda?"

As there are only two people in Tom's house, the reader is aware in most cases who is saying what to whom. You do not have to use the terms "he said" or "she said" each time anyone speaks. For instance: "How are you doing in school?" asked Uncle Tom. Leslie said, "I'm doing well, but it is difficult." The reader knows that Leslie is the person in the story who is attending college, so it is not necessary to identify her, or Uncle Tom for that matter; at least in this particular situation. Maybe you might have written,

'They conversed about her activities for several hours.' He asked her,

"How are you doing in school?"

"I guess I'm doing OK, but it's difficult."

"Well anything worth doing, can be difficult. Do you have a steady boyfriend?"

"No .... not really, I don't have time due to my studies, and well ... you know how college guys are. They just want sex and beer. If a girl doesn’t come across, she is in no mans land."

Is there anyone out there who is not sure of who said what to whom? I doubt it, as anyone who can read, can see which person is making each statement, by what they are saying.

"This young woman in front of him was the cutest thing he had ever seen."

You had already referred to her as "young woman", so the word "thing" is out of context. The sentence should be, "The young woman in front of him was the cutest that he had ever seen."

While I am on the subject, a Noun is by definition, "a person, place or thing." You should not refer to a person as a thing.

The word "traveling" has only one "L" not two; spell checker, remember? Maybe you and "Leslie" should get together, what with her major in college being, "English", she might be able to help you with your writing. I'm sorry if you think that I'm picking on you, but when you ask for criticism ..... you might get it.

Speaking of criticism, after your last chapter, everyone who wrote a comment, gave you resounding accolades, and rated your writing as 100%. I'm just wondering if you didn't write those comments yourself? Only you know if that is true. If you did, you really shouldn't be a writer; you should be a criminal. In any case, good luck with what you call writing. You might pick up a book and read what REAL authors are writing. It couldn't hurt. Again good luck.

I am only giving you a rating of 25%, for the time you put in.

Give her time people. She's young and obviously talented. Let the sexual tension b-u-i-l-d children! Gettin there...is half the fun!

Forget them, they want some short, cheap story so they can get their rocks off quickly and go to bed. This is a very promising beginning and even somewhat realistic (which is nice for a change). Can't wait to read the next one!

wow ! The grammatical errors in here really detracted from the story.

How exactly does a plane land "soundly" ?? Safely perhaps, but soundly ?

"Dad and I's gift to you" My god !! What language is that ?

She watches her uncle turn steaks and decides he's a character"???? What lead her to that conclusion ? Was he wearing a clown suit ???