Unforgettable Fire: 10 Years After

How had we come from talking about our lives to screaming at each in a blink of an eye? But it had always been like that with us. In a second we were fine and then in another second, something snapped and we were fighting.

I looked out of my window to see the familiar trees on Loughborough Park. I opened the car door and rushed out. I would have run had my shoes allowed me to.

As soon as I put one feet in the side walk in front of my house, Finn's hand clutched my arm and pulled me to him.

My side hit his solid chest and I was instantly breathless. He was breathing hard, the moist and warm wind of his breathing hitting my face.

I looked at him challengingly. I saw his eyes travel to my lips, where they rested for a tad too long before going back to my eyes. I yanked my arm, but he just tightened his grip. I winced.

"Let go of me, Finland." I whimpered.

His eyes went wide and flashed with something violent.

He hated his name. I was the only person in the world, aside from his mother, he would allow to call him by his full first name. But that had been ten years ago. When I said it now it only pissed him off.

He grabbed me by the shoulders then, turned me and pressed the front of my body firmly against the front of his. I felt his warmth penetrate my skin, and a slow pulse started in between my legs, accompanying the thumping in my heart.

"Why the fuck didn't you come with me, Hero! Why?" He shook me and I tried to free myself from his grasp with a sudden jerk. But Finn was much bigger and stronger than I.

"You know why." I moaned in answer to his question. My lips quivered, so close to his I could kiss him if I just stretched my neck a few inches.

More hot tears streaked my face.

When Finn saw me crying the hard expression on his eyes softened. Every time I cried during one of our fights he would just crumble and hug me, and do everything in his power to make me stop. He used to hate making me cry, and apparently he still did. His eyes fell closed and a long breath left his lips, then he slowly came closer and rested his forehead on mine. I gasped, surprised. I didn't dare move a muscle. The spot on my skin that touched his prickled. The dilemma facing me was probably like the one an addict has to face when trying not to succumb to the drug one desperately wants and needs.

Every breath out of my mouth came out shaky. The hands gripping my shoulders fell limp to my sides before they slipped inside my coat and around my ribs. The heat poured from his hands and pierced through my dress, burning my skin. I shivered despite the warmth.

Frozen, I stood overwhelmed by his presence. I didn't know what to do. I had a faint warning sounding on my head, probably my survival instinct, telling me to run as far and as fast as I possibly could. Another part of me, the louder, unwiser part, kept screaming loudly at me to just touch him and lose myself in him.

I was trying to keep my mind clear, but then his smell invaded my nostrils and I lost sense of all the things going on inside my head, my reason was crushed like bug.

Instead I acted on instinct and I pressed my nose to the side his neck, just below his Adam's apple, my favourite spot, inhaling deeply, taking in his scent. I put my arms around his neck and when he felt me respond to his hug he held me tighter, burying his face on my neck. I felt the whole length of my body touching his.

Blood was rushing through my veins so fast, it felt like fire. It made no sense for me to resist, so I allowed myself to melt into his arms and just feel.

Through my own chest I could feel the falling and rising of his as he breathed in and out on the skin on the crook of my neck. My nipples were hard under my dress.

Every breeze his exhalation let out on my skin send a thrill of pleasure through me. I was already soaking wet when he wasn't even touching me in any sexual way.

That particular thought left my mind as Finn's cold nose ran up and down my neck, and my body automatically knew to tilt my head back so to expose more skin to him.

The cold of his teeth grazed the skin there, sending waves of pure deliciousness down my spine that settled on the pulsing spot in between my legs that had began to ache. He followed the path along my jaw and my chin until he reached my lips. When his lips brushed mine he didn't kiss me. He pulled back a little just to look at me, my own lips were parted in anticipation.

"I shouldn't still want you." He said more to himself than to me.

One of his hands moved from my waist to my face and he brushed his thumb over my parted lips. I closed my eyes and moaned involuntarily. He let his thumb in a little, and brushed the thin, wet skin inside my bottom lip. I was only vaguely aware of how loud my breathing was. Never in my life had I ever wanted to be kissed so badly. My head was spinning and my hands, twisted in his hair, were shaking.

My attention was caught by the feel of his erection pressing on my stomach through his pants. He wanted me, just as I wanted him.

Feeling the moist pooling in my underwear, I leaned in to kiss him, our lips not touching only by the impediment of his thumb between them. I dug my nails on the skin of his hand, so he'd take it away and let me kiss him as desperately as I wanted to, but he grabbed my hand with his other one and put it over his shoulder. It was torture. I felt like I was being punished. Being denied the thing I want the most.

Every breath out of his mouth was a breath I took in through mine. Finn's thumb left my lips, then, and he put both hands on either side of my face. Slowly, he moved his fingers up into my hair, his palms brushing on my cheeks and temples. He dug his fingers firmly on my scalp, holding my head immobilized. Then, he just went on touching the skin all over my face with his nose, lips and teeth in a torturing and thoroughly exploration.

I felt like I would go into spontaneous combustion at any second. Gasps and moans came out of my mouth as if he were making love to me already. He touched my whole face with his lips except for where I wanted it the most. I opened my mouth to beg him please to kiss me, but only a low, pitiful cry came out.

He had his lips on the corner of my eye, then he pulled back at my sound to study my face. Even though I couldn't see myself, I was sure all the lust and wanting I felt were obviously stamped there at the forefront.

He looked at me the way people who know nothing about art would look at abstract paintings hanging on museums walls. As though I were something he couldn't understand or place, but still couldn't help admiring. That was the look I saw so many times as I woke up, after he'd be staring at me while I slept. I brought my fingers up to his face and touched his lips, running my index finger over his bottom lip, recalling the times when I could kiss him as I wished.

Finn drew his face closer to mine again. He rubbed his nose on mine, and began kissing the outer corner of my lips. He kissed one corner, then moved on to the other side, his fingers still on my hair, moving my head to his better advantage.

My body was no longer mine. It was his once more. Even the sounds I made were a unique thing standing on their own, coming out as they wished, without any command or will from me. I ran my nails over his hair, it was hard and stick with hair gel, and I ruffled it roughly with my fingers, wanting to free his large curls. One of his hands left my hair and travelled down my spine, landing on the small of my back.

Again, his lips torturously brushed mine, but this time, with my hands on his hair, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, carefully, still not sure he'd allow me to. But he did. His lips moved slowly on mine. God, he had the softest lips. A slight tremor passed over my body. He kissed me and suddenly I was twenty-two again feeling my body turn liquid and melt between his fingers. My legs wanted to give in under me, but Finn's arm came around my waist and held me so tight to his body it was like we were trying to fuse together.

I whimpered on his lips and the feeling was so intense I felt like crying. With one of his big hands on my hair he brought my head even closer to his, deepening the kiss, his tongue invading my mouth. I pressed my body to his as much as I could and it still wasn't enough, I wanted more contact, more of him touching more of me. The kiss became desperate, our breathing was hard and heavy. I wanted to touch his skin.

Numbly, my fingers rummaged for the first two buttons on his dress shirt, unbuttoning them. I pulled the collar of his shirt to the side and brushed my lips over the skin on his collar bone burying my nose on the dip in between it and his neck. He pulled my lips back to his and kissed me again. I was beginning to go dizzy with no air when abruptly, Finn pulled away.

I jerked my eyes open. He was breathing out through his mouth, eyes closed, head thrown back. He opened his eyes then, and pressed his forehead to mine. My heart was jumping inside my chest. I took long, deep breaths that weren't enough to fill my lungs.

He put his hands on my face again, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.

"Hero." He began. "We can't just do this. We need to talk." He paused again. "Can we meet tomorrow? My shift ends at 8 pm. I could came by."

I was disorientated. I took a minute to understand what was happening around me.

Finn had just kissed me. Finn, who I hadn't touched in a decade. Who I had missed for a decade. Who I still loved. I still loved him, and there was no denying that, not even to myself.

"Ok." Was all I managed to say.

He leaned in and kissed me slowly, but superficially. His hands left my face and he turned back and walked to his car. I stood there on the side walk watching as got inside his car, turned the engine on and gave a last glance my way before leaving.

Numbly, I went inside my house. I went up the stairs and just curled into a ball under my covers, taking only my shoes and coat off, before doing so.

I was so overwhelmed with the night I just had, the only thing I felt like I had the strength to do was sleep and hope the hours would go fast until 8 pm tomorrow.

The last image on my mind before I went under was Finn's old car leaving the parking lot with a squeal of the tires that last night I had seen him, ten years ago.