All Comments on 'Unter'

Impressive. I admit I am not as up on new technology as I could be. I guess you can call me old school. However a cheating cunt is a cheating cunt, now or years ago. There was no retribution except for not having a loving husband, but sometimes that is enough to drive someone crazy, especially one who wants everything. Great tale for the times.

Flavian,

As a techie working on very similar (and same) stuff, thrilled to read a "kinda my work" story, and you've managed to keep the geek nomenclature understandable for non-techies. 4.9*

Without bitching about the privacy aspects of unter's app (revealing location to the detail of current geo is a big NO NO), still it was great story-telling.

You kinda broadcasted Marilee as the cheater initially itself - with the hen's party behavior, and the disappointment when Laurel refused a bachelor/hen party. More often than not, I've observed wayward behavior in people that one might never suspect. And your attempted misdirection at the end was a slight put-off too, adding no suspense to the story, if that's what was intended.

I feel the story would've been even better if Marilee was the initial suspect, and Lauren turned out to be the cheater. If I were Brady, I'd seriously suspect Lauren's fidelity too, knowing she knows the framework's loop-holes, and would have hid herself better, or if both girls were using the same app. And Lauren is ok with Marilee using her handle not only to cheat (which is bad) but to misdirect any suspicion, and potentially implicate Lauren herself ?

Overall nice read though....

And quite à-propos with all sorts of apps for Android & Apple

out there in the cyber-world. Makes this story believable.

This needs some serous editing. Also, the ending was not a surprise. Other than that well written and the plot has potential. Again, no likable characters. All of them were self involved yuppies. How are you going to have a marriage if your job is more important than the marriage? How are you going to have kids, if you are so into your stupid little job that you can't even treat your spouse well? Are you even married if your loyalties are to your sister and not your husband? Forgiveness is most often for the convenience of the forgiver. Too lazy to go out there and remake your life? Just forgive the betrayer and pretend that it didn't happen. Good luck with that one!!!

This is a story for 4*, but I think as some that it was too long, and being so, lost most of the drama involved...And then, when the emotions were in the peak, the story ended fast...However a good story, good reading...3*

Wife rolls out a major app for her company, and the company's name is on it, and her own husband knows nothing about it? Not plausible.

I was kinda disappointed in the climactic scene. Using 3rd-person POV when describing the action inside the hotel room allowed you maintain the 'mistaken identity' a little longer, but I felt like it really sucked any emotional impact out of the scene.

Good tale but..... While I did like the ending, the way it rolled out felt very disjointed. Still, in all a good story.

Thx 👍🏻

@seeingeye - I work from home 75% of the time writing/reviewing/debugging/testing software and my wife doesn't know what specifically I am working on. So yeah, very realistic unless he shows/wants to get detail on her work.

I found this a very interesting story; far different from the run-of-the-mill Loving Wives stuff.

So the less reliable sister got into the better sister's research and used it to camouflage her disordered behavior. The good sister's spouse got wind of it, tracked it down, and made an awful discovery.

I have a few comments:

First, I think it is impossible to be a skimmer and get this story's plot line.

Second, not being that 'tech. wise' I was comfortable with the descriptions, and I appreciate that.

Third, it leaves some disquieting questions about spousal and sibling loyalties; questions I suppose we all must reflect on from time to time.

Fourth, It was well edited, appropriate for Harry R.

Alas, one complaint; it wasn't near long enough. I would have enjoyed much more detail; especially the spousal and sibling angst over what happened. Both are powerful loyalties; this is the only story I recall reading where such a thing has been broached.

Overall an outstanding tale; well worth at least a full fledged five.

One word of advice to the writer: There are always the 'arm chair writers' who seem to forget this is a 'free' offering intended for enjoyment first, and constructive comment second. Once in a while I'd like to see them offer up an occasional 'thank you' before their dissections.

Thanks, great story.

But the pages of technical jargon when the average user knows that an app works as opposed to the why...well it's just overkill.

You put most of your effort into the technical geek aspects, leaving the emotional intellectual drama as an after thought. How did she cheat? A dating/hookup app. 60 to 70% of your story was about the how. But for me the interesting part is, why? What was wrong with her marriage, with her husband, with her? Why did her sister shield her from what any sane person would know is an eventual divorce? Why did Laurel allow her sister to continue to use her email name? Holy shit that was stupid. Obviously the sister was willing to implicate Laurel as the cheater, but they were supposed to be so close? Plot fail. And if the sister was using the new app to cheat, then she was probably already cheating, or wanted to. And they are so close, but Laurel did not know of her sister's lack of morality and ethics? Or her disenchantment with her marriage? More fail. Laurel ended up being used by her sister. And if the sister was a fast thinker she would have claimed to have come to the hotel room for Laurel's benefit, to cancel the hookup, after persuading Laurel to end her cheating (wink, wink). And what would Laurel say then?

And cheaters are bad people, of bad virtue and character. And people of bad character are obvious to a discerning perceptive person. So Mike had a problem in his marriage that he did not notice, or ignored. Again, not part of your story. And if the family was defending their cheating daughter, then that helps explain why she was a person of bad character; she came from a family of self-serving situational ethics. I'm sure if one of the husbands had cheated on one of their daughters they would want blood.

And your attempt to create suspense just made the story look silly, as the more you tried to insinuate Laurel was the cheater, it became more obvious that you were trying to spoof the readers. That's not entertaining, just makes you look lame, and your plot execution clumsy.

Which is really too bad, since you snatched a 4 from the jaws of a 5. Please apply the same imagination and plot structure with more logical and believable character behavior. And leave 4 pages of geek explanation to another venue. I guess there are readers who masturbate to lengthy descriptions of app development, but is that who you are writing for? These are the same guys who enthrall you with stories of how they hacked the local Walmart firewall, while picking their nose and eating it, mistaking your wincing for adoration of their technical genius.

But you have made us think, and comment. Thank You for that.

And, "little" sister is a cheater also. Come on folks..get real! I live in the Triangle and was bored to tears over the details of the Triangle. Also lived in Cary. And, did Laural's parents strike back at him? Whole interesting tale there.

see and analyze the improbable. TK U MLJ LV NV

although could've done without the detailed description of the software architecture, purpose and use. That was a waste of words. Coulda cut that down by half and still given the reader enough to know what was going with the app.

Btw, saw the sister involvement a mile away, but that's ok, you never know until you read it.

One sister divorced for cheating on one brother.

A family that goes into attack mode even (especially?) when they are in the wrong.

How much will spill over on Grady?

Can his marriage to Laurel which is already shaken survive her family attacking his family?

Which side would she chose?

Personally, I appreciated the education on the app development industry. Had the feeling early on that the sister would be the cheater though.

When I read it I thought both sisters would turn out to be cheating.

As close as they are and similar as they are it would fit.

I liked the clever ending of your story.

Boyd Percy

nice twist at the end.

But the background and technical description sections were too long and took away from the effectiveness of the story. There was almost no interpersonal play among the main characters, and that is what makes an effective story in the category.

I've enjoyed all the other stories by this author. This one I felt was a let down.

Good story hampered by long and unnecessary background details and technical descriptions. Taken them out would have left a much punchier and better flowing story.

Way, way, way, to much technical background. Made for a way too long story. Maybe 3, 4, pages would have been better. It really didn't surprise me how it turned out either. Something about his reaction to Wicks' statement the morning after got me to thinking Marilee. Good story, just way too long

i agree with some of the other comments though... too much technical background in the beginning ... 3 stars

So it was the sister. Here come the babies

I agree with some of the other comments about the tech information too detailed. I didn't give a low score, because in all probability, there are readers who will enjoy this much technical detail.

I did feel the back story was too long. I found myself skipping over a lot of the history. Like a famous author advised other writers: "never write anything the reader will skip over." Nevertheless a good story, and will be looking for stories by this author in the future.

In terms of plot, credible. Dialogue a bit sparse but ok. Twist at the end plausible.

It takes a lot of hard effort to write a story that doesn't depend totally on suck and fuck. Your efforts are appreciated by me and others.

I do have to agree with some that the tech info took up too much of the story but then I'm tech challenged. Still enjoyed the story and to be honest the ending. I like happy endings...if this can be one.

Just my opinion but I would rather read about the aftermath of the divorce than about so much tech. How will this affect our hero couple, why would the in laws want to reek havoc on Mike and maybe a little more of the cheaters motivation.

In case I haven't made it obvious I liked the story the writing and the talent of the author. I will read more of his works.

thank you for a job well done.

Woodmanone

well worth the wait.

As I see it, Laura is not the morality police. She owed loyalty to her husband (and she was loyal), and secondly loyalty to her own sibling, Her husband's brother, her husband's cousin, her husband's third grade teacher, none of them are her responsibility. Why should she throw her sister under the bus? The sister had been fucking around, the damage was done, she tried to talk sense into her, that was the extent of her responsibility, to offer good, sound advice.

Suppose the sister had been whoring for 3 months, would the sin be greater if Lora ratted her out then, or if she continued to whore for another 3 months?

That her sister didn't take her advice is her sister's responsibility. Lora's husband, however has some issues, he needs counseling on controlling jealousy, communication, and reasonable expectations of others, and we can be sure Lora will support him in that counseling.

Yeah the back story overwhelmed the larger story but overall an interesting story.

Chilley

With pathos and pain as well as beautiful romance. Thanks

Was really fabulous writing. No doubt about it. Pretty much what my own editor would like to see from me, unfortunately, I'm not as well spoken as Flavian, I can just tell a story.

My own wife was caught in this manner. I got a text from a buddy who said he needed to see me asap. I met him at the local sports bar and I thought he was going to have a heart attack. He'd seen my wife of 3 years, who swore the night before she was ready to start our family, with a coworker. The coworker actually pressed cash into her hand before they got on the elevator.

It took me a while to catch her, all the time trying to come up with excuses as to why we couldn't have sex. A headache, a nut ache, a tender thigh adductor, my back hurt, I had a terrible cold, etc, all got old until she sat me down and asked if I was or was not ready to start a family and have children. By that time I had pictures, oh, not of her actually doing the deed with customers, but of her getting into an elevator at her most favorite hotel, with her 'Johns'. Yes, my 22 year old wife was an 'escort'.

I poured a snifter of my favorite peach brandy for each of us and we sat quietly, mulling over the coming few minutes. After her third, she point blank asked me if I did or did not want to start a family. When I told her absolutely I wanted a family, she squealed and started to jump toward me until I held my hand out. At that point, I casually mentioned I wanted a family so bad I could taste it, but I also wanted a faithful wife and that didn't happen either. At that point, I laid out an 8"x11" photo of her getting on the elevator with her John, then another and another. After the 11th photo, I asked her if she really expected me to have children with a whore?

She was devastated. It was something she had started into right out of HS, finding that older men enjoyed and paid huge money for young girls. She just couldn't stop even after we married simply because the money was too good. I asked her, if I were fucking a few dozen different women, would she be comfortable with me starting a family with her? Her sobbing became open wailing.

It took 90 days for our divorce to become final. She didn't fight anything because in her bank account was over $700,000, of which I wanted absolutely none. If I would have taken even a dollar from her, just as I explained to her and the judge in court, it would make me a pimp and I refused to pimp out my wife. His gavel swung down and I was a free man.

I didn't see Allie for 12 years. She left town, I had heard about where she was living and I avoided the area. When my job made it so I had to go to her adopted city for a week, I saw her in the lobby and actually witnessed her going up with a guy to his room, she was still hooking. It was awkward, because she didn't see me already in the elevator with my wife and three boys. We were heading up to our own room when they got in, not paying attention. It wasn't until the door closed and my youngest who loved to push the buttons, asked what floor they wanted him to press. She told him 8 and then glanced back to his parents and almost fainted when she saw me. We said hello and I was struck by the 'hardness' of her face. She looked much older than her 34 years. If I would have guessed, I would have put the number closer to 50.

Our floor was on 10 and when the door opened she turned to me and hugged me while my youngest kept his foot in the door. She was crying, sobbing actually and held me so tight I was embarrassed. In my ear she whispered if these were my wife and kids and when I replied in the affirmative, she mentioned something about getting my wish for a family. Finally, she caught her breath, pushed away and told me goodbye, then followed her John to his door. Before the elevator door closed, I saw her standing in front of his door, he'd already went in, looking back at me. My smile was sad and hers was painful to see.

But, I don't see the wife not telling her husband some of what was going on with the program she designed. What did she think, he was going to sell it to a competitor? And once she saw that her sister was using her email address as her user name on a "hook-up" site she should have told her husband, immediately. Blood is thicker than water, but a marriage is not water, but it can get under water without the proper respect and fidelity on the part of either spouse. She knew her husband traveled, she knew that he was in hotels and restaurants all the time with his customers. She had to know that it was possible that one of them would mention something about the app and about who they met on it. Some guys like to brag about sexy conversations and possible "get togethers". If there is a chance it could be brought to his attention, her depending on luck to protect her is wishful thinking on her part.

.....I also felt that the volume of "TechTalk" tended to overwhelm and delay the unfolding human drama. The story is about the people and their acts and responses, interactions and reactions.....not about the "(your nonsense or real brand name here)" framework and applications suite.

That said, I especially liked that Grady saw issues developing in his marriage and when faced with the familiar "handle" in his friend's "hook up" app, did what many of his profession and personality type would do. He investigated. Heck at one point even I was cussing Laurel for whoring herself out...wishing she'd get sick and die or something very, very painful.

Then, the big surprise was an even bigger surprise than anyone imagined, when it turned out that the culprit was not our hero's wife, but Merilee, his brother, Mike's wife. I know how difficult it can be to push a story forward without revealing the specifics at the pivotal "reveal" in the hotel, but you handled that very well, giving up nothing to indicate that Marilee was the cheater and not Laurel. I can easily relate the the two family's responses, but cannot, in good conscience condone Laurel witholding something that critical from either Mike or Grady. Especially, since she had to have known how it would affect Grady and to what extent, especially in light of her closeness to Merilee. Some stuff is so stanky, so horrific, you just can't close ranks around it and continue to enjoy any sense of integrity in the connected relationships. Oh. One other thing....I might have instructed my attourney to go after a meaningful if not overly substantial portion of Merilee's personal wealth....indeed, if a significant portion of it from a forensic accounting was determined to be generated from her whoring, I might have asked for all of it plus interest as liquidated damages. Yeah, I get the argument about not being her pimp. But after the fact, it is more to send the message that fucking around on me for profit is a very expensive proposition. Oh, and facing a family of that sort, I think I would hire my own spin doctors and develop a very vocal smear campaign, if they closed ranks and started their own aggressive "damage control" campaign. Heck, this might be the genesis of another story or two to address the story from the moment of discovery, through the divorce and the aftermath....from Mike and Merilee's perspectives.

I for one would struggle to continue through the part of the story where Merilee self-justifies and excuses her perfidy. I like the "wring her neck" response (oh, not physically....I mean figuratively, socially, you know....where it will hurt her "social butterfly" persona the most. Becoming person a non grata is death to the uber-social folks.

I look forward to your next story with great hope.

I enjoyed the story even though I kinda' let the tech stuff slide by. Tech literate? Duh!

Good writing. Good reading. Saved the bro some dough not having to hire a P I. Cheers!

I was riveted to the screen to learn the outcome of this story! Terrific writing. I would have had a real problem with Laura for what her job entailed and her nondisclosure of information regarding her cheating sister. Five stars

As long as she had any thing to do with that company. Which raises my main critique of this story. If they are vetting their cliental as well as they seem to be; I don't see how they can't be held liable for any divorces resulting from their services. The only way out that I can see is if all spouses are automatically notified of all activities. It seems to be the only way around married clients claiming they are in an open marriage.

Him not being able to tell whose voice it was talking about infidelity made the rest of what had been an interesting tale a bit tedious as it boldly telegraphed that Marilee was in fact going to be the cheater.

However - call me paranoid - if I were the husband, I would find it much likelier that Lauren had let her sister borrow the use of the service that time she got busted, rather than swallow the hogwash story about using her sister's email name as "camouflage" when she could easily just make up any random name she wanted, like he did with the Sooner8888 name.

I'm not sure why you included the scene with "Marilee" supposedly on a date acting like a knowledgeable service rep for the app. It was like shoehorning in a plot hole. Then there's the old "oh, that guy who flirts with me that I spent late nights with is gay - yeah, no need to double check on this." Puh-lease.

I'm sorry for coming across so negative. It's just that this was a very interesting and unique idea for a story, and in my opinion it really lost steam in the last couple of pages and became difficult to believe. I appreciate you taking the time to contribute a nice story that didn't involve the cuckolding fetish. They are getting harder to come by on this site. Thanks for the tale.

Cog

Really enjoyed it 5 stars

Twist at the end. Well written. Just as I was feeling ill over Laurel's betrayal, you twist it around completely. Well done. 5 stars.

But I haven't got a degree in computing science (can only just about use word!), so most of it went over my head I'm afraid. My fault, not yours, so I gave it a good score anyway.

Perhaps a bit too technical but otherwise a good read. I don't see how Grady could trust Laurel going forward as she was definitely involved in the cheating up to her eyeballs. And her comment about work not being all important didn't fit with her actions. I would have appreciated more at the end about the fallout, Marilee's family spinning her cheating and especially I would have thought Mike would do his very best to burn down the Company for basically running a Call girl App. Maybe a followup story.

tales, posted lately, worthy of a read and a score of more than 1 star.

thanks 4 stars

skimming bcs the background info re his wife, Laurel, and info re the software developed in part by his wife, Laurel, was just so s - l - o - w. Still, a very good story. Tags could have been much better. I'll never find this story with a tags search.

but one of the things I had trouble with on both reads was that fact that all of her work with the visiting teams took place off site and after hours. It would seem to me that a business that specializes in that type of training would have on site facilities and equipment for visiting people. I would have had a problem with that and the secretive nature of all of her work, not buying that either. She can't give specifics but generalities are not a violation of her agreement with the company. Also wondered in passing why he thought it was great that she worked naked at home, didn't he know that when they got together online they probably used video cam grouping to share stuff. I don't think that Laurel is very trustworthy. Why was she in a position to recommend her sister for a membership on the whore site? Wouldn't that mean that she was a user of some standing? Also agree with the commenter that said it was hinky when she said that her job wasn't her main satisfaction in life. Seems to have been, she neglected her husband and spent 18 and 20 hour days supposedly working on a job that didn't mean that much to her. I have to call bullshit on her damage control effort. And I damn sure would have checked out that Cam guy. Gay or not he really impressed Laurel to the point where she couldn't quit talking about him, until she did, completely. He needs to do a little follow-up there.

Again, great writing and thanks for the fact that even though he gave Laurel the benefit he still listens in counseling that what she is saying, hopefully it will be the truth. Also thanks for not letting either brother be a wimp/cuck and the boy's mother for not taking the cheater's side. Kind of expect her parents to do so.

Always enjoy your stories. Nice twist at the end.

I have mixed opinions about your story. It certainly generated a large and varied response.

Stylistically, this was well written. I enjoyed the fresh idea of an app called Unter, but might have liked it better if it were for hook-ups rather than sexual commerce.

As for pacing and reveals, too much time was used to tell what could have been a much more concise tale, and I guessed the final reveal during the party when it was clear the cheating wife was there. I prefer to be surprised by the reveal, but to feel there were sufficient clues that someone (with more than hindsight) might have figured it out.

If Laurel was inclined to cheat, she would not have been caught. She was clearly intelligent and technically savvy. The serial cheating was not her secret to reveal. If she had shared it with her husband, would he have shared it with his brother? How would he feel about knowing that secret and not telling his brother because Laurel was his family now?

I would be pleased to read more of your work. However, please look for ways to tell your story with more economical use of words. If moonlight is important to the story, we do not need a detailed account of the construction of the Keck telescope.

For a very large portion of the text I have to say it was more like reading a technical manual than a story on Lit. The only things missing were a few screen shots and an FAQ page.

Very enjoyable story. The background and development of the characters really bring them to life. Some of your workplace stuff for the characters seems goofy. That doesn't detract from the plot. The confrontation wasn't well written. It didn't fit with the rest of your writing style. Also, it really defused the emotional impact. Another good point was the inclusion of family. I liked that alot. So 4*s for you Flavian.Thank You for a fine effort. Hail Caesar, lol.

AMerryMan

I agree with Chilleywilley. Laurel is not the morality police. It is not her job to blow the whistle on her sister. Mike can feel aggrieved about that but not Grady. To infer that she is a potential cheater because she didn't rat her sister out is far fetched. She should, however, have told her sister to create her own user id rather than lift hers.

As for the family siding with the cheating daughter, that's rather far fetched. Marilee wasn't publicly outed nor humiliated nor was she taken to the cleaners. She was just dumped by Mike and her parents should have been grateful not vindictive. So why would they want to create more trouble by breaking up the second dayghter's marriage?

I have paused my reading to comment on an NDA...some readers may not know that an NDA is a non-disclosure agreement that one must sign while working for their employer that enforces legal penalties upon them if they were to talk about what they are doing...unfortunately, in my line of work, I have had to sign two over the past 15 years....and in both cases, respectful people have lost their jobs, which to this day, still tears holes in my heart...to shit on individuals so that the executives of the corporation can earn their bonuses by achieving their staff reduction goals, I hate it but cannot change this outcome.

On a lighter note, I'm very interested to see where Flavian takes me in this story journey...i'm glossing over the techie details to find the drama and ultimate resolution, whatever that maybe.

I may not like where Flavian eventually takes us, but I'm in for the ride. Thanks for writing this.

Great tech plot.But i would t have joined Unter network.She could track a user down being a member of developer team with ease.

i really liked this one. Five stars. I guessed early on it was the sister, but still goof development. Got a little bogged down in all the tech lingo.

It was interesting that his friend was trying to set him up with a one night fling, and then the next morning was giving a speech about how he didn't tolerate married people who cheat. I was half expecting this inconsistency to be revisited later in the story, with him actually having previously hooked up with the sister. If he used the app so often, it is surprising that he hadn't connected with her at some point - especially given how close they lived together.

Good point about Laurel. She worked directly with the team developing this app. And yet, in the end when the morality of the sister and her own morality in not telling were made the focus of the story, there is no mention of the mortality of developing the app in the first place. In fact, Laurel was bragging to her sister about the app, which eventually led to her cheating. Bragging about an app that facilitates one night stands? Yet another inconsistency, as she is legally prevented from talking to hubby a about the app (by the NDA), but has no qualms about talking about it with her sister.

Really enjoyed the overall theme and plot development. Very engaging characters in an intriguing circumstance. The plot twist at the end was a great surprise and added an interesting feature to conclude the story.

Thanks for the fun read!

Please keep writing!

If you are running this app on an IPhone, it would reference the iPhone email. I don't think that Laura gave her sister her iPhone. Also the sister's iPhone gps would not indicate a position at his home. He could have activative a gps monitoring app on Laura's iPhone so that he could see where she travelled.

idiotic and pathetic

As others have mentioned seems like the author forgot about the NDA, which creates a gigantic hole in the plot, and the question why she would tell her sister, but not her husband, if she's so damned proud of what she has helped creating.

And why would she be so happy to tell her sister about an app that facilitates rampant cheating?

Two holes in the logic tho.

1. The fact that it was the sister cheating was first telegraphed with the talk outside the toilet door at the parents house and confirmed by the term "nerlies" in the chat room.

2. Laurel got blamed for not owning up to her knowledge of the cheating when the husband was equally to blame for false mistrust and lying about knowing about a cheater.

First, Unter is a great story. Well written and entertaining. Most folks can't say that about their creative writing. Let those that write stories and get allot of 5 star ratings be the critics. It's a work of fiction.

So it's just a story with a new topic for consideration. Does spousal loyalty out weigh sibling loyalty? My opinion? Spousal loyalty trumps sibling loyalty. Next question since we're philosophizing. Trust.. Since trust is earned you can't say which deserves it more that the other. Even though the love between spouses is different from the love between siblings, Level of commitment can't be defined by love.

Over all the premise fascinates me. This one example is proves there is no black and white solution. Life is messy shades of gray. Simply accept the story for what it is. intriguing.

Just so no one thinks I'm taking cheap shots, you may contact me at jbunch34@yahoo.com for further discussion.

She did not have to choose between her husband or her sister. The choice was between her husband's brother or her own sister. In a case like this, I would give the nod to the sister.

But as several others said too much tech talk.

am really sorry Flavin, The story was great, i just got a feel of being totally immersed in the world of laurel & Grady.

Am sorry because the pissants here, cant stop bitchin & moaning about too much tech talk,

the story is just right, you really devised an good intriguing plot that led us to the cliche of the cheating spouse caught red handed, yet it did not seem formulaic.

keep up the good work, dont worry when 99% hate your efforts, think of the 1% who really appreciate your efforts, as long as 1 out 10 give you a positive feedback, your doing just great.

Jack The Tipper.

Very good. Perhaps a bit too detailed regarding how the app works. Still five stars.

Ok , it was a very good twist you added , but overall , this just kind of left me feeling numb. The emotional impact , which is the thing that I really get off on in a LW story , was simply lacking .

Maybe it was caused by all the tech stuff that a very non savvy tech person, like myself , just couldn't get into.

I am sure that a lot of readers will really like that , I know I do when the story involves some of my own areas of expertise ( few though they may be , lol ).

Thank you for sharing with us.

4 *'s

Interesting idea, but the story got bogged down in tech talk.

I found myself skipping paragraphs at a time once it got to the tech talk. This could have been a 2 page story. It got pretty boring after a while. 3* at best.

But still well written.

The story was too long for many in the audience according to many of the comments. Perhaps the story was aimed at a broader venue. But then, 'too long' is not really a criticism - merely an observation.

I've read all 7 of you onx chapter efforts an am in great anticipation of starting your multi chaptered.

And entertaining. It lost some steam going overboard with the excuses and rational why his wife would lie for her by omission when she was using her own handle.

A day to figure it out what is correct is one thing, weeks to figure it out is another.

Your work is extremely engaging throughout. The length is whatever you need to tell your story. I am in a writers group and constantly hear that readers don't like prologues, they don't like technical details, they don't like long paragraphs. I suspect that the end result will be the Manga version of War and Peace. If the readers attention span cannot hold, perhaps they should go back to coloring books. (Too strident?) Sorry for the big words here. I hope that they did not frighten anyone. Five stars. Keep writing, please.

Not to long, detail gives depth and breadth to the characters and the story line also in reality incidents like this occur over a protracted amount of time. i feel that many a writer here is in to much of a hurry to get to the end, so we have more of a documentary rather a story expressing emotion. 5 from me.

did Mikes ex fall?

Just breezing through, but got caught up in some aspect of your story and just had to follow the characters through to the end to see how it would unfold. It was a bit long for my tastes, but the combination of the hi-tech, an intriguing wife, an alert husband, and the potential for an explosive final encounter, kept me "in the loop" to the end.

This is a well-written story with a good plot line and interesting characters. Thanks.

I knew that it was Marilee but you did it so beautifully I didn't care. 5*

5*s. You write very well.

Good story!! Nice twist!

Very well written!

More than 3/4 were plain BORING. Who cares about frames and apps etc., feels like you HAD to write just something to fill the pages ...

This should be in non-erotic. I was skipping lots of boring paragraphs due to the techno babble. If this really LW, then it really is only two pages long.

Ok, it was a well-written story but I have to admit it got rather dry. Paragraph after paragraph of technical jargon concerning an app is boring. But the real show-stopper was that at one point you had Wick asking Grady if he wanted him to hook him up using the app. A page later Wick was declaring how he hated "cheaters" of any gender.

Biggest and Best was my first Flavian story (his first also). It was 5 stars. This one is a better 5 stars.

The drama in dialog between Grady and Wick was great as well as their plotting -- right up to the hotel room confrontation.

One commenter said you can't scan this one and follow the plot. Well, I scanned a.lot of the technical stuff and followed easily.

I just loved the twist and fool. And I was fooled right into the courtroom, having to backtrack just to see.....

I did feel a little shortchanged at the end. It was like the reveal was the story. But the story turned out to be Marilee and Mike, and so we needed to hear how that went (maybe from the vantage point of Laurel admitting to Grady what she knew of sis's thinking and action).

Since the whole family issue is raised and the question now hovers of the girls' parents' attitude to the brothers and the remaining marriage, well we are left hanging.

Is there enough conflict for a whole

Mike-Marilee/parents sequel? Maybe by another author if Flavian doesn't want to?

One of the better stories on Literotica.

Paul in Oklahoma

Really enjoyed your story. Very fun read. The activities of each person prior to the weddings gave the real culprit away early and confirmed it with the interaction at the cookout. A little more misdirection would have hidden the twist a little longer. If Marilee had been out on a run to get gas or more refreshments during his check of the site, only she left her phone at the house without knowing it when she left. Then you could have had that come out later after the hotel scene. It would have carried the suspense a little farther.

Just A thought though. Keep up the writing really enjoy your work. 4.5 stars though, great job.

I thought at one time he was going to use the app and finish up meeting his wife because she was on it, what else would she be doing all those supposedly long hours spent working.

BUT IT ENDED A DAMP SQUIB THIS STORY.

SORRY ONLY 2 STARS.

Again, a different and creative story. Thanks.

When hell freezes over. She's in this mess up to her ears with her sister. They were probably sharing the App and the User name and just going to meet the men when they could - one went, then the other went. He's a fool to believe otherwise. There's no possible way to trust Laurel going forward. Just get a divorce and move on. Interesting story, ruined by a horrible ending.

your stories are so different.....I hope you write more they are really good...

I hope I don't get knocked out again by the WEB MASTER. Your story of a man wanting his wife's 2 girls not being his dna was due to reasons out of his control and his wife. A good man can do this....I liked that story too....

bill.....5ssss

Your writing is somewhat a drag on the plot. I mean you have a great plot but you keep on dragging it past the suspense bounds. Examples:

1. After learning about email address the main hero seems to be paralized.

2. After learning that his wife could be likely cheating him in DoubleTree hotel 15 miles away from his home ... he goes to sleep!

3. The main hero overheard conversation of two sisters referring to the cheating outside of the bathroom he is in but ... the writer does not want to reveal which sisters was a "prude"? At that point you actually revealed your ending to me.

4. At the end you are dragging the "surprise" of which sister is a cheater while I guess most of your readers already know where you are aiming to.

All in all, great plot somewhat obscured by poor vehicle of delivery. Too slow as well.

As is common with this author, there is far too much technical detail. The subject is infidelity, not recent developments in computer technology. But the idea is clever, and the emotional baggage well handled.

Toooooooo much tec shit. Slooooooooow moving crap. This should of been fun. Slap hapy papy #9

A very good story.

I have no problem with the tech part,

length or the question or which

sister is cheating.

Fun all the way for me.

But for me, as in other Flavian stories,

I dislike how wimpy the hero of the story is.

Who goes in pause mode,

when he suspects his wife is cheating?

Weeks and weeks of doing nothing,

is not how a normal man acts

discovering a grave situation.

Men react, wimps don't.

This time, I'm not allowing the wimpy part

to lower my ratings.

The story is just that good.

Top ratings from me.

I noticed that you didn't go near the ethics of the app at all. It's a shame how we can shelter our ethics behind Corp. Years ago the scientists that created the atom bomb were very conflicted about their work. Right or wrong, they at least had the morals to agonize over their work. Now, we just shrug and say it's not my fault. Just saying it's a sign of our times.

A very well written story, but it dragged in places because of the extensive backstory. As soon as the hotel door was opened, it was obvious that the cheater was Marilee. It served no purpose to leave off her name.

I enjoyed reading it.

Husband should make Lauren resign

Well written and an interesting precept.

But, took way too long to develop. Also, not enough tension.

All that meandering in the plot without really building the tension just got a bit tediuos.

'Surprise' ending was not a surprise at all.

And the male protagonist blithe acceptance was pretty weak.

Well written, grammar & spelling fine. Storyline was populated with less than pleasant characters who were very self centered and selfish, much like real life.

It appears from recent research that between 40% & 50% of North Americans (slightly lower for Western Europe) regularly cheat on their spouses, with the percentage of women admitting to regular extra marital sex increasing more rapidly than men.

What a sad sign of the times.

A little long and moved slowly, but still ended as a very good story. I kind of sad the twist coming, but I still enjoyed the ending.

but for me I dont care for starting a story and then getting buried in what is by then unnecessary back story. Also too much technical talk that could have been covered in 1 paragraph to keep the story moving. That said, it was a good story and a bit different.

This story was somewhat tedious and long-winded, but still an enjoyable read. Flavian’s choice of words and descriptors suggest he is beyond a consummate writer...he is a true storyteller. Nicely done! Five stars.

Nice. Long in the process which could be edited slightly to simplify things. But it (he story) really needed to be prolonged to increase the 'angst'. then the end was great. 5 stars

gamblnluck