All Comments on 'Upon a Savage Shore Ch. 01'

It looks like a great start to this story and I'm looking forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing.

Can't wait to read more. Well done!

Looking forward to chapter 2!

This is a good start, better than most first-timers.

Now for the critique:

As with most new writers on Lit. this is very short, what may have been six pages in Word ends up being one page here.

Capitalization:

Marine should be capitalized, as should ranks such as Sergeant Major.

Picky picky! But I agree that this was too short. We barely get introduced to what is going on and then it's all over. Oh well, we'll see what happens next time out.

The way the story started it sounded very close to Kita 'Thala (sp?) which was never finished. Very good so far, looking forward to many more chapters.

Though, like Minesota61 said, even the premise itself resembles the Kita'Thalla fic. If you've read it, and your story was inspired by it, then that's okay, but it'd be smart if you were to distance your story from it by making it different enough.

However, be careful what you write when it comes to sci-fi technology. It doesn't matter that the escape pod in this chapter is strong enough to enter a gas giant intact if it has a hole in its side. Any hole wider than a fingerprint would cause a conflagration inside the pod, even if we were to disregard the fact that its structural integrity would be weakened.

Well written but short. Never read the cited other story, so to me it seems fine.

not as conversed as previous commentators on the tech discussed. a good read so far, so onward to ch.2.

reminds me of kita'thalla but hopefully you will finish this story unlike that one

Has a solid start . looking good!

Yup, held my comments until the I read the entire thing. I'm sorry in one aspect in that I don't offer the support as I go but... I like to read the entire thing then come back and post.

The story is COMPLETE... one of the most important things to me. NO fear that the author didn't finish (lord I hate that).

It was good. Is it the best story I've ever read? No but it was very good and well worth the time to read it (certainly better than I could ever do)!

The characters are good. The plot was well thought out. And damn it, it was just fun to read...

If you are looking at reviews to decide if this one is worth the time, the answer is YES.

I didn't read any reviews here (or post mine) until I'd finished reading the entire story. So when I saw the comments about Kita'thalla be similar, I thought to myself... might be a good next story to read.

Umm, NO. It's one of those, probably will never be finished stories. Started in 2010 and a cliff hanger last posted in 2013 with the next installment never delivered.

No thank you. This is why I pick stories like Upon a Savage Shore to read. The author follows through and finishes their work.

Thank you RipperFish for that dedication.

Love the character voice, obvious ease with tech and yet not overboard geekiness.

Jason

I can see why readers have said they are similar and they are, the major difference to me being the characters and there personalities. The obvious harem quality and what I am grateful for an ending. Still both are a good read and plot divergence makes them different enough not to feel short changed or as if your reading a copy. Personally I love upon a savage shore more, but it maybe the longer story and an ending swaying me. ;)

Thanks so much

if the followihg chapters are as good or better i be happy

paps

there's more to the 'too short' comments than the obvious. When you are anxious to post the next first chapter, hold off. Write so more, and make sure you have someplace to go with your story, and haven't boxed yourself in, with something in the first chapter.

It's much easier to edit or change something before it's submitted.

Also, just an fyi, it is plain or plains, not plane/planes. (Those damn homophones!) Otherwise, good mechanics, tense, spelling and realistic dialogue, even if most of it was internal.

GeoD

Promising start. My only comment is that since this is the future, if they're still speaking English then the military would likely be using the NATO Phonetic Alphabet or some variation thereof rather than the old-school "Able-Baker-Charlie" phonetic alphabet. In other words, it would be "Bravo" instead of "Baker." This is relevant since the NATO scheme was designed to avoid sound-alike words and improve comm clarity. :)

So, is this basically Avatar?

When in doubt just think, "what would Dennis Quad do"?

So many good stories out there, and then there the great ones, like this, worthy of returning to again and again :)

J

Did I mention that this is a damn good story?

Your "Upon a Savage Shore" series is one of the best on Literotica.

But you excelled with this story all the way. U

This is going to be gooood... I am excited!

Great job so far. Thank you for sharing.

5+ stars!

Great start! Can't wait to read though this one.

One terminology question. Have the USMC (guessing the lore for the CP marines is based on that force) started using trooper for their soldiers? As far as I am aware, "troops" would be the correct term for infantry/marines, whereas trooper is reserved for cavalry or armoured soldiers. Similar to how a combat/field engineer Private might be referred to as a Sapper.

You wrote "planes and marshes"- I assume you meant "plains and marshes"

Marines response is not Hoorah, although it may sound like that. What they actually shout is an acronym HUA which stands for Heard Understood Acknowledged.

I guess if it wasn't for Murphy we wouldn't have the start to this story. Looking forward to the next chapters.

Why has it taken me this long to find this?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Good ole Murphy, definitely seems to be right more often than wrong. A great start to what promises to be a well thought out and written story. I look forward to reading the next chapter. As this is my first foray into your writing and the first story you posted here I have added you to my favorites list. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.