All Comments on 'Vanessa, My Love Ch. 01'

great story

This is just too short. Ok for the first chapter but nothing says you gotta publish just one at at time.

Hopefully with responsible consequence but as you are new there is no track record to indicate your intentions. If he stays to the plot track you portray he won't wimp out as a sick watcher or pimp enabler.

So, we wait to see if you stay based in lifelike reality or wonder into the dark deviant perversities often seen and abhorred here.

Could be interesting author as we need more reality here.

you've just begun, and already I'm afraid this is unconvincing.

Once he's found all that incriminating lingerie in her suitcase, why not just confront her about it? There's no reason a guy who loves his wife, and doesn't want her to cheat on him, would have let her go off on the trip. The sexy underwear is all the proof he needs--there's no way she can explain it.

So it's hard to see how you can recover readers' belief in your main character at this point.

he needs to take her to the cleaners and make her buddy pay as well.

with what you ahve on her kick her ass out andtell her she gets nothing....all she gets is her clothes..cancel credit cards...close bank accounts ...and tell her to go to hell ...say maybe one last fuck where you fuck her like the whore she is ...i would suggest using a rubber though

Well, too short; nothing established in the first chapter to make us want to keep going. Also, you did the one thing I hate for writers to do and that is failed to have the characters tell the story. Too little dialog too much prose. Prose should only give brief explainations. Let the characters tell the story. We know little or nothing of the give an take of the people involved. Was this a good marrige? Poor? Bland?

Also, I have to agree with a prior poster: why so many here insist on the husband or wife getting all this information before they confront someone. Doesn't work that way in real life about half the time! :-) I would have been asking my wife, "Why do you need this stuff on a business trip?", and held up the lingere and waited for an answer. Instead so many have this deep seated NEED to be hurt. Hell, you usually know if your being fucked around on long before even the smallest clue turns up!

I hope you take this in the spirit it is intended and try again. :-)

Regards

Step up to the plate, confront her, or plot nasty revenge and reveal her to her friends and family for the tramp she is. Anyone who says revenge is hollow, has obviously not tried it, or aren't very good at it.

If she is already fucking another man, than what is the reason to confront her. She will just lie like she has been doing. She might come up with some bullshit story, and even though it is evident that it is not true, you have no proof other wise. I would have done the same, waited to get the proof and than plan my revenge. Yeah thats right revenge. I am a vindictive person. I am not some wimpy sick bastard that likes to watch his wife with another man. If my wife ever cheats on me she will pay a heavy price i asure you.Incase your wondering, how will i know if she cheats on me. Believe me i will know. You see i know where she is at all time. Just a trick i learned.Back to the story. So far he has done good, i just hope that he dosen't turn this story into some wimpy cuckold bullshit.

my critique. And it's "he has done well" not "done good". English. Great language. Language of the Bard. Learn it, know it, use it.

Anonymous....you have a lot of cousins.

This story is a crock of shit and it is poorly written. He knew she was fucking around so why would anything surprise him? I will answer my own question. He is surprised because he is a dumb shit.

One note---didn't he install microphones? That should definitely be his next step to really learn about this screwing around. Is she fucking everyone, a couple or just one guy and for how long?

If he wimps out change my rating to 0/

Please, please the next chapter soon. Have enjoyed it so far. Do not take any notice of negative comments.

HuwR

He should wait until she leaves, then gather up all her clothes and the bed sheets etc. and set them on fire in the backyard. Then he should hit the bank, cancel her health care and get a lawyer to serve her with papers. Maybe he can get a restraining order to prevent her from even accessing the house ever again. He should then arrange an anonymous 'accident' for her boyfriend.

Please don't make him have a reconciliation (in other words, don't make him a wimp-loser).

You have wet the appetite with a good start, hurry up with the rest

Good start. How does he find out who asshole is to shoot him? Maybe just walk in on them and shoot both? That ought to solve THAT problem. .357

Will we see the next chapter?

to have your heart and soul driven out of you it hurt like no other hurt.as a equalizer revenge is antedote.put her business in the street at any cost.hubby didn't start this mess she open the door and the hubby with any balls should finish it.betrayal and adultery are deal killers and the marriage deal is over,so all fair in destroying the whore and her lover.why should he not destroy her life,she has destroyed his life.and the message is clear to the next friend of hers,who wants to cheat on her husband payback is hell.so writer are to sensitive and clever to drop the hammer on the women when they cheat.it's easy to just make the hubby a wimp or we go to open marriage,that sucks.it look like most writer have a problem with strong men role models.

Oh yes, we would meet again, in the dark. My Kabar would caress her skin, and peel it from her whoring body, skinned alive, a fitting end to the whore.

I would copied that video on dvd and showed it to the wife and confronted her then tell her that your filing for divorce.

Pat.

Atlanta,Ga

I have noticed you never did write the next chapter why not when will we see it wetworks_88?on this chapter I would give you hy marks.

Pat

Atlanta,Ga

ending the nightmare is very easy, even if you still have

some feelings for your cheating wife. Just think. Obviously this is going on for some time. Cut your loss and throw her out.

<>

When is the rest of the story coming ??

G.Belgium

When is chapter 2 coming? I have checked for a follow-up for a while. Your writing is OK, so please continue. However, hope that husband shows strength and takes his revenge completely on his cheating wife and her lover.

the ranking reflects the vicarious feelings of wife's utter deception. with pt 2 - let her play, as much as she wants, w/o him having concern involvement for her, in any way.

you wrote this story now finish it.

Whats with the name of the story, so far its only one page and shes already ready spent three nites away from home with someone ,and now her husband is watching them on candid camera ,and the tital is asking, is she cheating, lol,My guess she is unless the auther feels it takes six or more guys at one time to be considerd cheating

You have a good story going. Why not finish it?

Why not just finish the story???? It has a good start and if you can give the hubby some balls and not make him a wimp this could be a great story! R.T.

.......and yes a guy with some balls will make it a gem of a story.

Add to this a little exploration of their feelings and motivation.....who knows...........BUT finish the story already!!!!!!!!

Looked to be a good story. If something happened to you I am very sorry. If you just quit you can rot in hell.

where is the follow up? If it was true to you....... I'm sorry for you

you need to get some closure on both of them

...he needs to learn how to finish a story. The difference between a writer and a clown is: A writer finishes his stories...

ftDs has favorited this story... Means it's on his list to burn that bitch... Looking forward to it!

...actually only a complete fool would favour a story that has been abandoned 10 years ago; but it takes an idiot to feel "all is well" just because the fool liked this story. True - nicely written and with potential...but a story without proper ending is worthless and agitating. FTDS - favoriting a story publically even though it lacks almost everything is - in my eyes - treason to your proclaimed ethos.

11 years later and still no Chapter 2. 1 star for an unfinished tale!

Mixing the tenses of the verbs is an amateurish and irritating flaw. Spelling and syntax errors are preferrable to that. Don't you people read your own work?

What are you 5 years old. This story is really bad in every way. Go back to elementry school or quit writing please.

Good start, now burn her ass to the ground.

Burn the fucking whore

I like where this might go. But don't wimp out, you have the evidence, so burn the bitch. He should have realized her infidelity earlier. He should have had her followed on her 3 day "business" trip. Looking forward to seeing the next chapter. I only have it 3 stars because no real build-up, real short, and no character development.

The fact that he chose to watch them means that he's closet cuck/wimp

Wow yet another writer who makes a good wife nothing but a cheating whore. Of course hubby does nothing but watch and they cry like a little girl. Guess we have another writer who gets their jollies making husbands weak and pathetic.

Hoe next partshows u BTB. She deserves it and its ur duty to give it to her. Be sure to get revenge onthe asshole she with.

Should have finished this story with some stone cold revenge.