by quandom
Good story. Easy to read, easy to believe and I hope you follow with part two. Must find out what happens next or this build up was in vain. Maybe he will survive and the three of them will get together, that could be hot.
This story was in the classic mould - please go for gold with more
Great start! There are more chapters to come? I hope so as this is a very good read. More chapters please.
Appreciate the thoughtful comments on Vanessa Vesuvio. Vanessa's "innocent" Scots Mom, Mrs Mafia, has some surprising links back into all this. I've got other things on for a couple of months, but after that I'll fill you in on the harm this priggish woman has done to the rest of us.
Quandom
But gets to the sex -- when it happens -- much too fast. Why did he have to grab hadfuls of breasts righ away? How about s little slower, step by step? When he did, how did it feel to him? How did it feel to her? How about some conversation? Hasve her ask him how he liked the feel of them; let him answer. How did he like the look of them? What ere her nipples like? Did she already know what she liked done to them, or did he have to teach her/try things? Licking? Sucking? Tonguing? Were the nipples small or large? Why not prolongued breast play until she simply couldn't stand it and wanted her pussy touched? Then, how about fingering to her first cum? When she'd cum, how about she learned about playing with his cock....
Also, you need an editor -- or maybe just even a spell check -- there's no such word as taddering. You mean tattering.
Not sure if the REAL "poteneial" commenter was reading the same story as me, and certainly he/she didnt use dear old spell check after writing this anti-story rave. "Taddering?" Interesting word ---- never heard of it and didn't see it in the Vesuvio story
liked the development of all the characters, and of course the hot action. couldn't help but be more interested in Antonia the romance novelist, though... I'll be hoping for a story about her (or maybe one she's "written"?) one day!
good seduction sequences and pace of story. Character development limited for non main entities, but okay within the limits of this story. Would like to see more first person by the protagonist.
Loved your story. You've got so many potentially great characters to develop that I'm sure we'll see more of the Vesuvio Family & pappa's favorite "son". No need to change your style of story & development. REAL {can't spell but can needlessly criticize}POTENTIAL can go look in the book section for long character development.
I was just getting into it and there's no continuation? You had intrigue, potential conflict, sexual tension and so much more room for a great story and then it stops. Dammit I'm annoyed.
Great read nonetheless. I hope you continue it.
And make out your will! Seriously though, I'm betting that this story gets hotter and hotter, even tho it may get into scary territory . Does Vanessa re-appear back in the scene? Do Antonia and Vanessa double team him? Does Emilio threaten/strongly encourage him to 'take care' of Vanessa's problem? All because Emilio trusts him, right?
Little Vanessa should be saved by her lovely slutty sister and horny brother on law now...
Outrageously erotic! How do you dream up such convoluted O'Henry endings? Is Emilio making an offer which can't be refused? Does it involve a concrete boot alternative?