All Comments on 'Vanilla'

But it was a pleasant change of pace.

Good job!

Thanks for sharing, even though I have no clue as to what I just read.

Interesting style. Unsure of your theme or message. But interesting. Consider edit of phrase "edible spread of meat". Redundant as one doesn't usually provide inedible spreads of meat. Just a helpful hint.

Not necessarily because I wanted to but because I had to. Got tangled up in what was going on. Couldn’t stay focused on the story when my mind kept trying too hard to grasp what was happening. Interesting work, but lacking in delivery. Erotic works shouldn’t require the reader to keep notes in the margins as they read along.

a different, and slightly confusing read....buttttt.. enjoyable

That just blew my mind! Hypnotism is so sweet, and you took it's possibilities another step forward for me.

"I refer you to the rules of..."

"Please refer to the manual."

"Can you please refer a good restaurant in the area?"

I don't know how you would smoke "refer", but your first spelling mistake was only 30-something words in. Add to this your bizarre punctuation/structuring and this was not a pleasant read. In fact, I gave up not much into the second page.

Perhaps learn to spell/write before subjecting us to more of your... whatever it is you want to call it.

....but hey , t was worth what I paid for it....just not fun, or entertaining...or.....worth the time I gave up reading it.

Flow of consciousness writing almost never works. It’s hard to follow, hard to know which character is saying something.

You also lacked visual cues and references. While your idea may have been crystal clear in your mind, it was murky and arachnine in ours.

Learn some mechanisms for conveying context and meaning, illustration, dialog and characterization....you might just pull off a decent story.

It’s not your ideas....it’s your delivery.

Some of the phrasing was a little twisted and ambiguous, or even out of focus, so maybe that's what the author did to let me know how the husband felt.

Also one little point about ice cream. When the author talked about "Napoleon" ice cream, was it supposed to be "Neapolitan"? - the kind with layers of Strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate in it?

A few other little oddities/typos that wouldn't be a problem in most stories, but hurt more in this one because of the style.

I still voted five stars. It's an odd one.

Why did you include actual hypnotism phrasing though out? To some it may seem like stream of conscience but this story is an actual sexual self hypnosis tool.

That scene at the party checked off all my boxes as hypno fetishist. Everything he was feeling, I was feeling. Absolutely loved that. The story did get a bit strange, but it was so good out of the gate. Really enjoyed.

I loved the plot twists . It was very entertaining . I gave it five stars .