All Comments on 'Vanyel and Stefen Ch. 01'

keep it up! i'll be waiting for the revisions and more of your works :)

I think it's reasonably well written but my primary problem is that I've read Magic's Price and most of that writing is Mercedes Lackey's, not yours. Yes the sex scene is an addition and the writing isn't bad but I would have prefered it if you'd just written your own version of the story from the start instead of trying to glue together huge chunks of Magic's Price with a few explanations of the backstory here and there.

So I only gave it three stars. Recycling other writers' material isn't writing. Sorry.

You have a very good point concerning the amount of text used from the original book, and to be honest I was in doubt before submitting the second version. The first version of this chapter had much less text from the book, but then I got a PM saying that the story didn't make sense (to readers who were not familiar with the books), and that the transition from the initial scene to the scene where they make love was too abrupt and confusing. So this is why I used more excerpts from Magic's Price in the second attempt.

As it stands now, only 50% of the text in chapter 1 is mine, but I do have a second chapter, where 95% of the text is mine. I just wanted to see how people would react to the story before submitting Ch. 2. If everybody totally disliked both Vanyel stories, I would have withdrawn them rather than submit more.

I wonder how you feel about the Jonne chapter, where 90% of the text is mine.

this is dreadful . i don't want to be rude , but this is dreadful.