All Comments on 'Vegas'

Loved the story! Seems like you might benefit from an editor though - minor things like switching between past tense and present tense, you're vs. your, etc.

thanks for the comment. i appreciate you taking the time.

yeah, past/present tense has always been an issue for me.

if anyone else has any things to add feel free, feedback is a good thing.

There's some iffy grammar and poor punctuation.

"Ten minutes passed of him laying and staring at the ceiling with thoughts about breakfast and meeting her for the first time after eighteen years of online friendship." That's not really good English. You might say something like: "Ten minutes passed AS HE LAY there thinking about meeting her for the first time after their eighteen year online friendship." There's quite a few errors, typos, etc. that an editor could fix for you.

"fullness of her C sized breasts " Don't do that. You could delete cup size and it would sound a lot better.

Go back to school and lean to write its that bad