All Comments on 'Ventures'

First, streamline your sentences. And make it snappier. You wrote: "The restaurant at the hotel was full of happiness and joy." Clunky. How about this? "The hotel restaurant was alive with sounds of happiness. Joyful shouts and laughter filled the air." I like that better.

Your readers are just introduced to your characters and already they're rushing into sex. Not too interesting because we don't care about these characters, or even know them, yet.

Eschew trite phrases. "Don't get me wrong." That's a stumbling block in your narrative flow, and an admission that your narrative is unclear. Clean it up. Keep writing! 3*

A little short, but it made me cum