Virginia Ménage

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My fingers toyed with the brass key in my pocket while I waited at the gate. Delta Flight 81 would begin boarding in 10 minutes and the nervous chatter of the two ladies sitting next to me was bearing on my nerves. I've travelled a million miles over the past couple of years but I still never get quite used to it. I emptied my bladder twice since arriving and still had to go. Thirty minutes later we were in the air.

The approach path around the city brought us right down Manhattan and over the rivers on our descent to the runway at LaGuardia. By the time the limo brought me to the Hyatt on 42nd Street it was nearly lunchtime and after doing an early check-in I grabbed lunch downstairs. There were no emails or messages from the plant so I assumed Kathy had everything under control.

It had been a couple months since the accident and both Kathy and I had seen the same counsellor. She actually got over it better than I did, surprisingly. She stepped right back into her role and when I told her what I was doing, she volunteered to keep everything running in top shape for however much time I needed.

The brass key in my pocket wanted to burn a hole while I played with it. It took some doing to have it in my possession along with a few direct threats. In the end I prevailed. Mother handed me a spare key and after extracting a solemn promise to not tell a soul anything about what I was doing, not a fucking soul as I put it directly, I made my plans for the face to face meeting I needed for my own sanity and to know whether I had a marriage worth saving. A letter delivered second hand no matter how sincere was no substitute for what I needed, demanded still.

After wandering around for an hour and emailing Kathy a picture of the atrium in Grand Central, I hailed a cab and made my way toward Greenwich and Mother's apartment on Sullivan Street. I had her code and her house key. What I didn't have at the time was much of her steely resolve.

I paused at the steps before pushing through the door to the entryway. It was a five story building with an elevator service. Mother was on the top floor. As I entered the lift a woman and a yapper entered with me. The yapper was one of those quintessential New York dogs no bigger than an overgrown rat and loud as a siren. He didn't like me and I didn't like him. They both got off at their own purgatory on the 3rd floor. My door opened to the 5th floor and a choice of four apartments, 5C being my destination.

I think I stood there for five minutes before I pushed the key into the lock and turned it. The door opened onto a foyer and a large living room beyond. There was Jazz music playing somewhere in another room and as I walked through into the living room I caught a glimpse of the life my mother lived when she was away.

The walls were covered with old and new prints of scenes from around the city and odd works of art staked out claims of open space here and there throughout the apartment. It was an eclectic design, quite fitting for Greenwich yet foreign to Albemarle County. Everything was in place except for a few items.

A pair of leopard print panties lay draped across a chair while a matching bra was slung across the couch. A short skirt was bunched up on the rug and a pair of men's trousers was bunched up at my feet. I reached down for them and pulled out the wallet in the back pocket. The driver's license had the name of Dale Edward Rhodes II issued by the State of Connecticut.

The Jazz was still wafting from one of the other rooms and now that I was inside the apartment I could hear other sounds, the sounds of a woman being fucked, fucked hard and thorough. With my fists clenched I walked toward the sounds. As I approached, she was approaching an orgasm and before she could get there, the man fucking her shouted out "I'm cumming".

"I'm already here, Fuckwad." I said as I stepped into the bedroom.

The two of them looked up at me with vacant stares on their faces before she grabbed the sheets and pulled them up over her naked and sweaty body. I stood there really at a loss for words and it was only the sound of the front door opening that brought me to say anything.

"I'm sorry. Excuse me." I said as I backed out of the room.

Rhodes just muttered 'what the fuck' and I didn't catch what the woman said. As I turned back into the living room I stood face to face with Lucy.

"Oh my God, Carl!" She said first.

"Lucy." I replied. "Oh, I'm sorry for the intrusion. I didn't know, well, I thought that they were, Hell, never mind. I dropped by to have a chat with you, actually."

She was still in a bit of shock as was I.

"Oh, OK. Come on then. Would you like a drink or something, coffee, anything?" She asked.

I replied a beer would work if she had any which she did, a good craft ale at that. Mother probably paid for it. We grabbed seats at the bar counter and sat there looking at each other. She had been fighting to keep it in but the moment just wouldn't allow it any longer. Her shoulders lurched down and she heaved into pitiful sobs. I took her hands in mine and told her.

"Lucy, we need to have a long talk about a lot of things and make some decisions. Can we do that?"

She looked up with her bleary eyes and nodded her head while still crying.

"Good, then let me suggest we get washed up a bit and let's go for a walk, maybe over to Washington Square, OK?"

Lucy grabbed her shoulder shawl and we headed toward the door. I caught a glimpse of it before we passed through the threshold. We had been separated now for almost three months and she looked different physically but I couldn't put my finger on it until then. She was wearing a loose tee top and I caught a glimpse of the small belly bulge, a baby bump for certain. I didn't say anything as we went down the lift and strolled out onto the sidewalk.

After grabbing a couple of lattes from a street vendor we took a couple spots on one of the park benches.

"I haven't read your letter, Lucy." I said to her looking for her reaction as well.

"I suppose that's just as good. I never really wanted to write it and I tried half a dozen times before I finally sealed it up and gave it to Claire. I just didn't know how to talk to you at that time and I was scared." She replied back to me. "You didn't see the pictures then?"

"No, I didn't open it at all. I wanted to sit down with you face to face rather than read a letter. "I replied.

I reached into the small satchel I was carrying and pulled out the envelope I had avoided for so long.

"I suppose I could open it now while you are here but I would rather you just tell me so I can see your face while you do. Can you do that now?" I asked. She nodded and began.

"Carl, I'm not going to hold anything back and I know some of this will hurt you. I know it hurt me at the time but I want us to have everything on the table. And, first, before I even begin I can't so much as begin to tell you how sorrowful I have been for what I did. Claire tried to help me understand how bad my sin was against you but it wasn't until I realized it was all built on a lie that I lost it. Before I start though, I want you to know that I have loved you since our second date together and I've never stopped loving you. I always will."

I just nodded to let her continue.

"OK, so I guess it began for me when Kathy Hansen started working for you. I know you remember that I just didn't get along with her. Well, the reason was because I knew she was hitting on you. Oh, you couldn't see it. You men never do until the trap is set but she was going after you, I knew it.

"Then after I quit working for Tommy, you two started traveling all the time together. I got so worried that I started talking about it to a couple of people at the community college. One of the guys, Robert, suggested I try to catch you at it -"

I interrupted her. "Is Robert the man I found you with that afternoon?"

She nodded her head yes and continued.

"He offered to have you followed by a friend of his to see if the two of you were having an affair. I didn't want to do it at first but Dale suggested it would help put matters to rest."

"That fucking Rhodes had you do that??" I asked incredulously.

"He and Robert were friends. Robert was actually one of the art instructors and Dale was helping him. In any event, Robert had his friend follow you and Kathy and took pictures of the two of you together; at lunch or dinner, even going into hotels in the afternoon when I thought you would have been at the plant. He didn't get any pictures of you having sex with her because he couldn't get access to the rooms but he had pictures of you and her hugging."

Kathy and I had developed a close relationship but there was never anything intimate about it. She is a touchy kind of person and to her hugging is a natural thing. I didn't understand how Lucy would have read any more into it than that but for the hotel pictures. We held off-site meetings at the Hilton Garden Inn every Thursday afternoon for about six months until maybe a week or two before Lucy and I separated. They were both team building sessions and organizational development efforts that have paid off well for the company.

"Lucy, go on. We'll talk about the photos when you are done."

"Well, from the photos I just knew you were fucking her. I mean who else goes to a Hotel in the afternoons with the same woman if they are not having an affair? At least, that's what I was thinking. Carl, I just lost it at that and never challenged it to see if it was true or not. I just assumed it was and Robert fed my suspicions. He laid all the evidence out for me to see and even Dale agreed you had to have ben fucking her."

I stopped her again.

"Lucy, did you ever stop to think about asking me about this? Do you realize all of it could have been laid right out in the open and you would have seen that you were being lied to? For that matter, why in fuck is that Rhodes still anywhere around you? Did you stop to think that maybe he wanted a piece of your ass as well?"

"No, Carl, Dale is really not like that, really. He was so sorry for me when I found that the pictures didn't tell the story Robert told me they did."

"Hold on, Lucy. You still don't get it. I told you for nearly three years to stay the fuck away from that smarmy fuck and you didn't. Let me ask you this. For a guy who's really not like all that, what in hell is he doing back in that apartment with his prick sawing in and out somebody other than Mother? He's a pussy hound, Lucy, from day one.

"That said, how did you miraculously discover I wasn't cheating on you??" I asked with a bit of antagonism.

"I was at Claire's looking at the photos and thought back to when you said you never did it at Robert's apartment. I was sure you had. Claire had a magnifying glass on her desk so I used it to look more closely at your lovebird expressions or at least what I thought they were. That's when I saw them. Tommy Jones and Jim Reed as well as Linda Williams were in the background a couple tables away at the hotel. They were looking your way and laughing along with you.

"I know Tommy would never have laughed like that if you were there cheating on me at that Hotel. That's when I knew I had made a real mess of things and that you hadn't done what Robert and Dale said you did." She finished and looked down at her hands.

"Lucy, I want you to tell me who, where and how many times you cheated on me and keep in mind I just might know a hell of a lot more than you realize." I said to her. She didn't hesitate, as if she was prepared for it.

"Carl, I told you in the letter and I'll tell you here now. I cheated on you one time, at Robert's apartment, earlier that week. I didn't intend to but Robert and me as well as Dale and another girl from class were drinking a couple bottles of wine that evening and I ended up drinking too much. Dale left to take the other girl home and the next thing I knew Robert started removing my clothes. All I could do was giggle like a fucking school girl. I was smashed.

"I won't lie about it. I was mad as hell that you were fucking around on me and I let that push me further than I would have normally. I spent the night there and went home in the morning. On the Friday afternoon that you found me at his place, I have to shamefully admit I was going to do it again until you showed up and the guilt overwhelmed me. I left right after you did trying to get home so we could talk but when you sent that text to me, my world crashed and I pulled over into Pritchard Park and sat there crying my heart out for over an hour.

"When I got back to the house you were not there so I packed a couple bags and went to Claire's. You know the rest from there I guess."

"Lucy, I'm going to ask this next question of you and I want you to be very careful with your answer. The night you house sat for Mother, who else was with you?"

She looked at me as if she was trying to remember and couldn't and then she put her hand to her mouth.

"Oh no, Carl, that wasn't what you might think. The girls came in around 12 midnight after their friends mom brought them home. Tonya was feeling sick. Dale came in a bit after that but I promise you, I swear, I was never with him. He went to his bedroom as soon as he got in because he had an early flight to join your mother in Savannah the next morning. I swear to God, Carl, that is the truth."

She had tears in her eyes again and based on what she told me and the expression on her face, I believed her.

"OK, Lucy, I believe you. Now, I want you to tell me why you really left without seeing me before you did. You could have told all of this to me and we might have been able to talk through most of it. I don't know if the marriage would have been saved or not, just like now, but all this wasn't reason to run away from everybody like this."

"Carl, your mother knows why I left like I did. She is the one who sent me here. You have a right to know so I will tell you although I'm scared to death of it. I missed my period while I was at Claire's and did a pregnancy test. I was pregnant. Carl, you and I, we had sex that weekend, several times actually but I also had sex with Robert the following Tuesday and I know he didn't use a condom. I know, it was fucking stupid but it happened.

"I'm afraid you might not be the father. The doctor I am seeing says a paternity test is risky because it is an invasive procedure so I won't know until she is born. It's a girl but I also know you will not have anything to do with the baby if it is somebody else's kid. Carl, I am praying every day that you are the father but that's why I left and why your mother sent me here to her apartment."

I looked down at her baby bump. If the baby was mine, I already knew I would step up to the responsibility. If it wasn't I had another reason to harvest Robert's ball.

"How are you living, paying for things? I am assuming that Mother has set you up with a fund of some sort because you haven't touched the bank accounts even though you could have." I asked.

"Yes, she set up an account for me to use and made appointments with her doctor to see me regularly. I use the guest room at the apartment but the place had been just me until recently. Dale returned from California with the woman you saw him with and your mother gave him until the end of the week to move his stuff back to Connecticut. She knows about the woman because I told her when I talked to her but they are all adults and it's their lives." She replied to me.

At the very least I now knew why Lucy cheated on me and while I didn't like it one bit there was at least some measure of logic to it however perverse. It also shined light on the extent of Lucy's insecurities. She let another man fuck her through the night because she thought I might be having an affair and this after less than three years of marriage.

Everything in my mind was running through the filter of whether I could ever trust her again. I was still madly in love with her, there was no doubt about that but without the trust what kind of marriage could we ever have?

The baby was the X factor in all of this. It had the potential to change the equation on all sides of this mess and mitigate several misgivings I might have. If the child is mine then I would seriously work to save the marriage if possible. I think there is a maxim that comes into play when children are involved; a child needs parents and a home to thrive and prosper into adulthood. If the child comes into the world handicapped by the proclivities and foolishness of the parents, it starts life out with one strike already over the bag.

If the child is not mine, then I would think very differently about the matter although I would still take care of Lucy financially and make sure she was safe and that the child had a safe world to enter when she came. Robert's child would start life with one strike but Lucy is smart like Mother. Her daughter would do OK with Lucy's guiding hand.

"Lucy, I'm pretty damn confused right now and I don't know what to say. It's a lot to process all at once but I will tell you this. You don't have to go through all of this alone. I won't say I'm not still pissed about what you did and to be honest with you Lucy, I don't know if I can get past it. Whatever the case, the baby is more important than anything else going on so we'll cross the difficult bridges if possible later. For now I want to make sure you have everything you need.

"If you want to you are welcome to return home with me or later, whatever works for you. If you want to stay here, that's OK too, especially if you like the doctor and it works for you. That's all your decision, Lucy."

"Thank you, Carl. Let me think on it for a bit. The reason I'm here in the first place is going to make this a hard decision but it's all because of my own treachery and foolishness. I do want you to know though that regardless of the baby, I spent one night with Robert and it will be the only night I ever spend with him. Even if the baby is his, he's not going to know about it and he's not going to have a second in my life or that of my child's if that's the case. But, please, Carl, let me think a bit on what you offered me and also know that I truly do love you with every fiber of my being."

---

The flight back was an introspective journey of a man lost in his own confliction. Lucy decided to remain in NYC with her pregnancy and I couldn't argue with her rationale. If the baby was Robert's then being in New York would help both of us in making the break needed if it came to that. I didn't really know if it would come to that or not but I understood.

We agreed that I would fly back and forth over the next six months and I insisted she use our accounts and medical coverage rather than have Mother pay for everything. With that we parted and I headed back to the uncertainty of our small Albemarle universe.

That bastard Rhodes did move out of Mother's apartment, in fact the very day I showed up. I don't think he dared risk my wrath for being in the same apartment as Lucy. Mother did tell me a few months prior to my surprise that afternoon that she warned the prick about crossing my path with regard to Lucy or the girls. I never could understand what she saw in that nasty lothario but then Mother lived her own life pretty much and I stayed out of it as much as I could.

Lucy and I talked frequently when I wasn't there although I tried to fly back and forth every other week and if a business trip took me in the area I often worked a visit in on the front or back end of the trip. One of the odd results of the arrangement was a budding friendship between Lucy and Kathy. I never would have expected that and Lucy never talked of it. Kathy on the other hand leveled with me right up front. She grabbed me after work one day and corralled me to Horsefeathers.