All Comments on 'Virgin's Seduction'

The story's far too short and rushed, and the dialogue is too stiff, no pun intended.

It should go alike this

"Mike's here! "Amanda thought quickly to her self, and Mom and Dad have hightailed to their boring cabin for the weekend!.! Here's my chance!"

"Mike-that brother of mine isn't here yet! He takes his sweet time, you know. It's hot-Want a Pesos.?"

"sure" Mike said , Amanda's changed he thought to himself. Mike could see a tight pair of tits staring though the gauzy yellow t shirt tied around her waist. Mike eyesight was excellent...7d9

You write dialog for your stories and I will write it for mine.

Good story. I thought she was wearing pants at first then all of the sudden she was wearing skimpy shorts? Did I miss something?

I described her as wearing hot pants and later referred to them as shorts. I use the two terms interchangeably.

I don't know about others, but I loved this story. Nice job.

" Amanda waited until he had removed it from his mouth and moved in closer.

"How do you like these, Mike?" she asked, raising the t-shirt and showing off her beautiful breasts. "

Am I missing something here? I don't see any seduction. In fact it's so forward that it's not erotic.

As indicated in my comments at your Valentine's Day story - I am looking at some of your other work - and it has exactly the same effect on my penis!!!!! I enjoy an erection just reading your stuff - it really "cums" through to me!!!!

Intended as the highest of compliments!

the timing of Mandy lifting her shirt sounds very blunt and sorta unrealistic. Other than that the story is fantastic!