by SylverLyf
A promising first chapter of a thriller although you could have done with some good editing. I see it's ten years now since this chapter was posted so I guess we're never going to know what happens next. A pity!
This is a great beginning of a story, please finish it!!!!
The beginnings of your stories are excellent. I just wish you would finish one! lol. You're leaving us hanging on the edge of our seat! I absolutely love your writing style and hope you submit more to this site.
That was an amazing beginning. It really gives something to build on. Going from here can only get better.
I like the way you set the story up. Please do not be discouraged by the pigs putting your submission down. They obviously are looking to read a quick f*ck story. Maybe they should just rent a video. <shrug> Keep up the good work. I've read your other stories and I think you have much promise!!
Renee'
aka grllvr
ola I would like to say for you that its tale is being one of the best ones that I already read please I continue writing and forgives me for my English is that I am Brazilian and obtain to read well but my gramatica is my terror.
kisses Gisa
Don't be discouraged by the idiots who tell you this story isn't good, and are downright rude in sayng so, I might add. Keep it up.
You've got a great start here, and I can see where you are headed. I look forward to the next installment, I'm sure it'll be good.
how in the hell anyone could waste 20 minutes hitting keys and not even end up by random chance with a story that had not one interesting sentence just proves you do not belong on this site.
for goodness sake have some sense and stop making a fool out of yourself.
where is the lesibanisum at? your story should of been place under nonerotic for there was no sex in your story. if you want a erortic story it needs sex.if it is a story about lesibans where are they? all I read was about a police officer showing compassion for a crime victium.that is not lesibanisum.your story is a crime story not a lesiban story.