All Comments on 'Voice of the Mind Ch. 03'

I like the general idea behind this story and the characterizations are fine, but I also feel that too many different things happening here (best friend, sister, neighbor, ghost) in so short a time is making things needlessly difficult for the average reader. It feels a bit like being thrown into the deep end of the pool not knowing if you will sink or swim. Instead of introducing new subplots again and again, it would be better to advance some of them which should let your readers get to know some of the characters better before you add too many new ones.