by HaydenDLinder
Me: Georgia: This style is more like a script for a play, not a story.
Takes away any enjoyment. Read a few others and see how to write a story please.
I like scripts. They require a little more imagination from the reader, but that is a good thing.
Wanted to give it 5 stars, but the script format style writing made me give it 4.
The style feels too awkward for reading as a story.
to be critical. I enjoyed the story and gave it a 5. As for me, I don't want to share my wife with anyone.
A big 5. It never ceases to amaze me how when it comes to improving a relationship one person will freely talk with anyone in their world for advice EXCEPT their loving partner. If you act like a fool and take advice from fools you shouldn't be surprised that you get treated like a fool.
Chidoc
re:
People love..........
to be critical.
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I like good stories.
Part of making a good story is making it readable.
I liked everything about this story except the play script like layout.
That made it less pleasant for me to read, and from the comments I'm not the only one.
Telling the writer can help the writer improve.
I gotta tell ya guys, after all the blow ups I was reading form the story that inspired this, I was expecting a HELL of a lot more fire in the comments section. Sorry that most of you didn't dig the script format but to be honest I was playing around with this format because I got a little bored with the standard dialogue layout. Oh well. It served it's purpose and overall it sounds like my story was pretty successful.
Now if you'd come back and said my characters were undeliverable, uninteresting and unilaterally without merit... That might have stung a little.:)
A fantastic response to all the ridiculous cuckolding trash that gets written.
You sir, are a master!! I haven't felt as good after reading any other story on this site.
To Anon on 7/3 and Anon on 7/8:
I am very happy you both liked it. Hopefully I will not disappoint you in the future.
Have fun:)
Sometimes I have to remind myself that it takes all types of people to make up the world. I don't understand the concept of Cuckolding, and I can't identify with men who enjoy it, but that's me. I've always preferred to play sports than watch them.
Great read, the script writing didn't bother me at all. 5 out of 5 for me.
I'm very happy you liked it and thanks for the 5.
I just wanted to comment that I thought the script style was really well balanced by the other non-script parts of your story. To me, it seemed like an effective part of your pacing -- you slow the pace down with the narrator's thoughts and description, then speed it by paring down your words with the script style for dialogue.. I think that works especially well with the pacing of the scene with Georgia and with the terse exchanges with Maria.
Also, the realism of the marriage ending after manipulation and one partner attempting to put the other in a new role without that person's consent made this more believable and an all around better read. Thank you for that.
And after all that. . .I still want to add: thanks for not describing your female characters like they belong on a wanted poster ("she was !yrs old, 5 foot x, weighed x lbs, and x cup size blah blah"). I find that lazy and off putting, but way too common.
Wow! Thank you. I was really just playing around with the layout but I thought it worked. I am very happy that you enjoyed it. Also, yeah I like to leave descriptions up to the reader as much as I can. It's been my experience that they are going to conjure up their own image anyway so why interfere with that. Again, thank you for the comment. It's always nice to hear that you don't suck at what you're doing.:)
It started out being a normal sounding good story to a 21/2 page of worthless story
I am sorry you didn't dig it. Was there anything in particular that you did not like?
Couldn’t put it better then the balanced comment so I will not try.
The back story definitely added a little zest.
To: Rud1Girl
Thank you for the comment. This was a pretty messed up story so I'm happy it came out as enjoyable as it did.:)
I loved this story for multiple reasons.
1) Had a very bad first marriage where I let my partner treat me poorly. I have a feeling she fucked around a few times, but she at least tried to hide it. So I could identify on both the feelings and the actions that Ted took
2) I love anal and stories about anal, which is why after totally fucking up with wife 1.0 I'm now happily married to a gorgeous woman with a great ass who also loves anal. I also love a hot woman who is not of my ethnicity (also like my 2nd wife - although there is not much difference between us)
3) I like realistic sex stories. I've fortunately had a good portion of sex in my life, including lots of anal (see point 2). Outside of porn, you aren't going to fuck a girl in the ass without lube if your dick is thick and/or she's not done it a lot. This was all great.
4) I read a lot in general, and the little details make this story like a great film: It is easy to suspend disbelief. Characters are developed well enough in short time. The best detail (for me) was the comment of how to roll the office chair to make sure the clothes don't catch on the wheels.
I don't care either way about the script style. For me the story was so good that I didn't even notice. Hope to read more from you like this!
Thank you very much. That was a wonderful comment. I put a lot of time into this one because the story that sparked it really concerned me. I am glad the time I spent on this worked it into a good story you could enjoy.
Have fun.
... I'd never ever do such a stupid thing to my beloved hubby, not even if he asked for it (in which case I'd likely ask him who he was and what he did to my husband). As you mention, communication is really crucial in any long term relationship. So yeah, I really feel Ted in the above story. As for the Georgia part, well, I really enjoyed reading that too, especially since I know how good a dick feels in my ass :-D
Thank you for commenting. Yeah the story was cathartic for me. So the Georgia part was really the reward for the reader after having plowed through that nightmare with me.
Got to be honest, this was one strange tale. I strongly dislike the idea of either party in a relationship to domineer the other. Okay I think it’s totally stupid. I also don’t understand how two coworkers could suddenly become anal fuck buddies. Maybe I’ll do a re-eval in a day or two.
I thought I did a pretty good job of transitioning to the anal part but you know. It's possible you just don't dig my writing. And that's OK. Not everybody likes the same things. I am sorry you didn't enjoy it though.
I reckon it's a serious effort to point out the unlikeliness of cuckoldry being healthy for relationships. Not that I don't enjoy sharing my partner sometimes and am genuinely happy that her healthy sexual appetite is satisfied by others sometimes. It seems strange but it's natural to me that others can enjoy my partner and vice versa, with transparent COMMUNICATION before, during and after, as you emphasise.
I liked the humorous dialogue, but strongly believe that 'no' or even ambiguity from a prospective or actual sexual partner should be totally accepted in stories as in life - unless you have built agreed safe words and agree to play with consent scenarios, which takes time and experience of being respected.
I'd remove the threat of violence in exchanges with his wife - although it may be you being honest about the feelings that can be there (and congratulations on mentioning your abuse history, I'm sorry that happened to you, and such feelings can be understandable from such history of course eh), it sounded like such ACTION would be acceptable if it had gone violent and had already gone threatening.
Cheers, I'm just trying to be helpful and honest.
I certainly did NOT mean to give the impression that physical violence was OK or a part of their marriage. I was simply trying to show what frustration Ted was going through due to his wife's refusal to talk. I do appreciate you taking the time to comment and I hope you like the rest of my work. :) Thank you.
Really liked the way the personal story was truthfully, genuinly included in this post.
As a woman I must admit that fighting is hard for me (as I am naturally very amiable) and due to family experience I don’t know how to mend a broken relationship. But humiliating and cheating on my partner was never an option I considered to mend the break. I don’t judge anyone’s taste. Just confirming that I related heavily to the story.
When in a bad relationship, I did use abusive language when my naturaly nice side couldn’t convince the other that we had a problem for many months. But only because I couldn’t see any other way to get the message through. But that is just about it.
I also knew that with some men, insulting them would mean to drive them away for good, but ... couldn’t control myself anyway.
Thank you so much for the comment. I'm sorry you had relationship problems in the past, but I think we all did. Hopefully things are going better for you now:) Also, just so everyone knows. I really want this story to inspire you to communicate. Communicate. COMMUNICATE! With your partner.