Waking Nightmares Ch. 01

"Mrs. Greene please, just listen to me for a second, I just want to help. I used to know someone who behaved similarly to how I saw Allison behaving the other day. He was my very good friend actually, in college, and I lived with him for three years so I know the signs Mrs. Greene, I swear I just want to help." Ryan waited for a response, ready to bolt if needed.

Rachel stared at him for a minute before she relented. With a sigh she looked down into her cup and her shoulders slumped in defeat. In a span of ten seconds it looked like she had aged ten years. It seemed she was gathering up the strength to speak.

"It started about a year ago. She was the happiest, liveliest and most sweetest person you'd ever meet. She was the life of every party, the star at her job and the loveliest sister and daughter a mother could ask for. Then one day, it all came apart. We don't know why or how, she doesn't talk to us about it. Suddenly she went from being this person full of life to this......... this hollow shell you see now."

She took a sip before continuing, "The change was so sudden we couldn't believe it at first, we thought she might have caught a bug or something, but after a few days and her still not going back to her normal self, we finally realized something was horribly wrong. She wouldn't talk, she wouldn't come out of the room, she was always tense and she even stopped eating. We would find her staring blankly at a wall for hours on end."

Ryan could see she was holding back tears now, fighting to remain strong. He felt for her. He knew how difficult it was on everyone, especially close loved ones. It wasn't easy to watch your beloved go from a person to a ghost right in front of your eyes and not being able to do anything about it.

"We tried everything," she continued, "doctors, therapists, shrinks, medications, you name it, but nothing worked. She withdrew deeper and deeper into herself every passing day. This house used to be so lively," she gestured around the kitchen, "but now it's just grieving as we are for my baby."

"And the ring?" he asked mentally kicking himself for making her relive this, she was already at her limits.

She sniffed, "We met a Hindu priest. He was an astrologer, drew up her birth charts and recommended the ring, said it might help." She took a deep breath. "We aren't believers but if there's any chance, even a tiny one........." She broke down then, unable to stop the tears. She got up and fetched a tissue, wiping the corners of her eyes as she composed herself.

"I'm sorry, it's been difficult for us," she said as she rejoined him.

"Please don't apologize, it's not your fault,"

"So now you know."

Ryan nodded, "She's got an anxiety disorder," he said more of a statement than a question.

Mrs. Greene nodded, "Panic attacks. That's what the doctors say."

"And you haven't found out what triggered it?"

She shook her head sadly, "She won't talk about it."

"Is she on medication at present?"

"Yes, she was prescribed anti-depressants in the beginning, Prozac. Now she's on Zoloft. It's not helped as much as we thought but at least she's not getting worse." She said looking at the tissue in her hand.

"Is that what your friend had?" she asked as she remembered what he had said earlier.

"Yeah, almost the exact thing, but maybe with differing intensity."

"And he was cured?" she asked, and he could see a spark of hope in her eyes.

Ryan was uncomfortable answering that. "Mrs. Greene you have to realize that not everyone is the same. Different approaches work differently on different people, there is no one size fits all solution with this."

"But you said you could help," she said accusingly.

"I know, and I want to, but you have to understand there is no magic pill. It's not like she's going to wake up tomorrow and be the same as she was before all this started."

"I know," she said sadly. "You don't have to explain that to me. After all the therapy sessions and medications and everything, I know. For God's sake I'm making her wear a ring, that should tell you how desperate I am. If there's anything you can do, even it helps her a bit, eases her suffering even a little, I'll always be in your debt."

Ryan could hear the desperation of a mother wanting to protect her child from any kind of suffering. He could also hear the pain in her voice, stemming from the helplessness of not being able to do anything while her daughter was wasting away. He was now second-guessing his decision. Could he give these people hope? And what if he wasn't able to make a difference? Would he be able to stand their disappointment?

Again he saw those eyes. He would have to try. Even if there was an infinitesimally small chance of making a difference, he knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't.

"I can try," he said finally, "I don't know if it'll help, but there are things that might make her feel better."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"If you don't mind, would you tell me more about her?"

"What would you like to know?"

"Just what kind of a person she was, what she did, her likes and dislikes, things that can help me gauge her personality."

Ryan needed a starting point. When he told Mrs. Greene there was no one size fits all solution he wasn't lying, everyone needed a tailor made approach to even begin being effective. He would have to find a foothold, something to build upon so as to lure her out of the endless pit she had dug herself into, and for that he required some inside info on her.

Mrs. Greene seemed to think for a while, "She was a paralegal working for Raffe and Weston, and she quit around six months after all this started. She loved her job. Probably the only thing that she loved just as much as working was running. She used to run every morning without fail, even going for a jog on Sundays, but even that stopped three months before she quit her job."

Ryan remembered she had a good body underneath those pajamas, and figured she must have really sweated for it. He saw an opening; this was something he could work with, an entry into her world.

"Can I see her?" He asked

Mrs. Greene hesitated.

"I know she doesn't like meeting strangers," he read her mind.

She gave him a small smile, "You sound like a professional."

If you only knew,he thought to himself.

"I'll call her down."

"No. I want to talk to her where she's most comfortable, and that's her room," he said, "and you should be there, she'll feel more at ease." He added after a thought.

He could see she was battling it out in her head. He couldn't blame her, after all, she had only met him once before and now he was claiming to be able to assist her daughter where others had failed. She was weighing the odds and calculating the reward versus the risk.

Mrs. Greene looked at the clock on the wall, then nodded, her jaw set, and got up. Ryan followed her up the stairs to the first floor landing which opened up to a second living room just as big as the one below. Even more pictures of the family adorned the walls up here. There were quite a few of Allison and who Ryan assumed was her sister in different poses spread out over the walls. They seemed to be very close. Once again he felt inexplicably drawn to her sister and more than once he had to keep himself from veering towards one of the pictures to examine her more closely.

Mrs. Greene led him down one of the hallways to the door at the very end on the right.

"Ten minutes," she told him.

Ryan nodded.

"Allison, honey," she called out as she knocked.

Ryan stood with his hands in his pocket wondering what he would say to Allison once in the room. There was a muffled sound of acknowledgement from inside and Mrs. Greene opened the door and stepped in motioning him to follow.

The room was dark, the blinds drawn and everything was eerily still and calm. It gave him the chills, even though it was quite warm in the room. There was a big bed in the corner of the room and Allison was lying on it, on her stomach, her face buried in the pillow.

"Allie, there's someone here to see you," her mom said gently.

Allison lifted her head and looked around, noticing Ryan. She immediately tensed up and sat upright, hugging her pillow to her torso, her eyes flitting between him and the floor.

"Hey," he said softly.

She just dipped her head in acknowledgement, fear evident in her eyes.

A phone rang somewhere downstairs. Mrs. Greene hesitated for a second, glancing between Allison and Ryan, then excused herself and exited to attend to the insistent ringing. Allison grew even antsier as her mother disappeared. She looked everywhere except at Ryan. If Ryan didn't know what to look for she would have seemed normal, albeit a little fidgety, but he saw the signs clearly. Her eyes were slightly wider than normal, her breathing rapid and she was tugging at the corner of the pillow and twisting it in her fist. He could also see her jaw clenching and her teeth grinding against each other. She had the look of a trapped mouse.

Ryan's heart went out to her. He wished he could take away the agony in one go but knew that was just wishful thinking. He spoke to relieve her,

"Allison, how are you?" He said in a measured tone that he hoped sounded non-threatening.

"Fine...." She said in a small voice and attempted to smile as if nothing was wrong.

Fine. Such a simple response that belied all the angst and torment underneath. If there were a subtext to 'Fine', one would know just how understated that reply was.

She's in too deep,he thought to himself,I need to see if I can bring her out.

"What is your favorite movie?" he asked, switching to a more lively tone.

She was taken back a little by the sudden question and blinked a few times before forming a response, "uhmm....... I don't know....."

"C'mon, I'm sure you have a movie you really like, think, which one did you really enjoy?"

She was stumped. He had completely thrown her off balance and she was having difficulty pushing aside her own concerns to think about some movie.

Ryan didn't wait for long for her to answer and continued, "Personally I think The Lord Of The Rings was one of the best movies ever."

She eyed him quizzically. Who was this guy and why was he talking about some lame movie in her room?

"Don't you just wish you could live in a time like that? I'd choose to be an elf if I was given a chance," he continued, fully aware of the confused and slightly irritated look she was giving him.

"You must have some opinion about the movie," he directed at her, hoping she would take the bait.

"It was lame," she replied dryly.

Ryan smiled, she had taken the bait. "What do you mean? Have you even watched it?"

"I don't watch such childish movies."

"Really? How can you judge if you haven't even watched it?"

"I don't need to watch it to know I won't like it." She had stopped wringing the corner of her pillow.

"So what's your type then? Twilight maybe?" He was egging her on, forcing her to surface.

It was like poking a bear with a stick.

"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I watch that nonsense." She crossed her arms, not saying anything else.

He smiled inwardly. She must have been a feisty thing before all this happened. He was going to try his best to bring her back and let her be herself once again. It wouldn't be easy but he'd be damned if he didn't try.

"Why are you here anyway?" she asked, more curious than rude.

Ryan debated with himself on how much he should tell her but in the end decided to go with the truth.

"Your mom told me about your......." he hesitated, "condition."

He could see the anger starting to well.

"So what? You're just another shrink?" she almost spat out.

He laughed, surprising her. That wasn't what she was expecting.

"God help the world if I was a shrink. It'd be a madhouse out there."

"But then if you're not a shrink....." she trailed off.

"I just happen to know a little about your condition."

"What are you talking about?" her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Tell me, Allison, in the past five minutes how many times did you think about your anxiety?"

It was as if he had slapped her. Her eyes widened and her gaze grew distant, staring at the wall behind him, as she turned inward, all her fears and doubts coming back in full force after the brief reprieve. Ryan watched her shoulders slump and her body sag, as if someone was destroying the supports inside her, crushing them one by one, causing her to collapse inward.

This is what this disorder did to you. It ate you out from the inside, leaving behind just a hollow empty shell in its wake.

"I can help you," he said, leaning forward in his seat.

She shook her head slowly, her gaze still far away, "No, you can't. No one can."

"Allison I know how you're feeling-"

Her head snapped towards him, "Really? What am I feeling then? Tell me." Her voice was low and calm but he could hear the anger in it. The anger of people always assuming, always thinking they knew, when they couldn't even begin to imagine the anguish.

"I had a friend-"

She scoffed, "A friend? That's your 'I know how you feel'?"

He was losing her. He had to make her believe him.

"Allison, just listen to me. I lived with my friend for three years. I know. I helped him through the whole thing. The doctors, the medication, the therapy, I know all of it. Please, Allison, you don't have to live this way. Let me help you."

She looked at him, tumbling what he'd said in her mind, weighing her options. He could see she wanted to believe him, wanted to grab on to that sliver of hope he was throwing her way, but eventually her doubts won out. He knew as soon as she looked down at her hands.

"No one can help me," she said in a tiny defeated voice.

Ryan wanted to punch the wall. He wanted to shake her until some sense entered into her head but he kept calm and impassive. Force never worked with this, in fact, it was the worst thing to do. The person had to be willing to get better, otherwise it was pointless. Forcing it upon them just pushed them away further and deeper into the hell hole.

"Okay, I understand," he said calmly, "but will you at least do me one small favor?"

She looked at him curiously, "What?"

"Will you take my phone number? You don't have to call or anything if you don't want to, but if you ever feel like talking or unloading or even simply taking your mind off everything, I'll always be there for you."

She looked at him strangely, trying to figure out his angle.

"Why are you doing this? Why do you even care?" she asked in a disbelieving tone.

"Because I know the effects of what you're going through. I almost lost someone very close to me to it and I cannot bear to see it happen to someone else. I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy."

She looked at him for a long while and something he said seemed to have clicked with her. Maybe he did know what he was talking about but she couldn't process it all right now, she was already too far out of her comfort zone. She pulled out her phone from under her pillow and handed it to him after unlocking it, to program his number.

As Ryan took the phone he noticed the screen picture was of her and her sister hugging each other, cheek to cheek, and grinning from ear to ear in their pajamas. Once again he couldn't tear his eyes away from her sister, there was just something about her that evoked things in him that he'd squashed a long time ago. Her piercing blue eyes, so different from Allison's brown ones, kept him enraptured. It seemed the picture had been taken in this very room but the atmosphere couldn't have been more different. He could feel the happiness even through the screen and he had to tap the contacts icon quickly to avoid staring for an inappropriate time. Her sister was insanely appealing and he was not ready to go there any time soon, he had shut that door a long time ago.

Mrs. Greene came in just as Ryan was handing the phone back to Allison and preparing to leave.

"Bye Allison, see you around," he said and turned around to head out.

"I'll show you out," Mrs. Greene said and led him downstairs.

"So......?" she asked expectantly, halfway down the stairs.

"I tried,"

"What does that mean?"

"I offered her the choice Mrs. Greene, now it's up to her to choose."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, but she has to want to get better, or else it won't work. I think I got through to her, but we'll have to wait and see. It's a slow process Mrs. Greene, I've only just planted the seed, give it some time to take root. I've given her my number, she'll call at her own time, when she's ready."

They had reached the door now and Ryan turned back to look at her squarely in the eye, even though he could hardly stand it. He didn't like eye contact with anyone.

"Don't lose hope Mrs. Greene, she's still in there, I saw her. Your little girl is still there."

She looked at him for a long while, blinking away tears, before nodding slowly, "I hope she calls."

"So do I," Ryan said, more to himself, and walked out.

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