All Comments on 'Wanna Get a Pizza...and Fuck? Ch. 01'

..shifts past to present tense sometimes in the same paragraph. Stick with the narration in past tense please, it flows better.

However, while the story was not beyond belief (my parent went out to dinner the night their divorce became final, at least that is all they are admitting to), you never stated why they got divorced ( my mom was 16 and my dad was 38 when they got married, dad's second. What were the odds that that was going to work). Otherwise, good start.

.....there's a difference between dinner after divorce and a fuck 14 years later. I was going to say author you don't have much of a fantasy life if you hang on to the visual of an ex-wife skull fuck for years on end but after reading this I realize your fantasies if ever achieved would make you the luckiest guy on the planet. Or maybe just surrounded with bizarrely nonchalant women. Too much, tone it down dude.

Very, very HOT !! We need another chapter to finish what Jennifer, Dawn and Mike started. I think having his wife and ex-wife is a real turn on in a situation like this.

Thanks and can't wait for the next chapter !!!

I also liked the fact, he was honest with his wife. She was a freaky little minx, but she was his freaky little minx. 5*'s

No glaring technical errors, other than the change in tense. Told in a fresh and unencumbered voice, giving it a personal flavor. Some adjective repitition.

And the author had he good sense to portray the MAN having extramarital sex with his wife's permission and participation. If the roles were reversed, and the husband were permitting HIS friends to join while HE watched, and then surprised her with HER ex-husband, well, the LW attack dogs would be howling and snarling.

Just saying. There is no "loving husbands" category. I'm sure I'm not the first to notice.

Nice work, earth. Keep it up.

Thank you to all who commented, both good and bad. I have been reading Literotica stories for a couple years now and finally decided I wanted to submit something. I have NEVER written anything, a short story, a poem,nothing. I tried to convey my story the best I knew how.

As far as the "tense" thing goes, I am currently reading a few of the "tips" posted on here for writers. To me, I was talking about something that had happened previously, that I was relating now. Perhaps I need to mention that early on, I am still learning. The quotes were meant to illustrate what had been said at the time. Again, I am new to this, so I will take all the feedback I can get and try to use it to make my writing better.

Again, thank you to all who commented. Chapter 2 has been submitted, and will probably have the same "tense" errors. I will make every effort to refine my work, and hope to submit more stories in the very near future!

Earthmvr

Well written story. Keep it up (no pun intended)