All Comments on 'Wardrobe Malfunction - Mary'

A fun read that has numerous erotic possibilities... if the author wants to go there.

Nice effort, but poorly written, primarily because of mixed verb tenses. Past tense is best for narrarion. Story has several run-on sentences. The verbs lie and lay have different meanings and different conjunctions. Proofing before posting would minimize various typos, word omissions, extraneous words, and mispellings.

Also, interesting premise, but given the size of and the area covered by the restraining bars on thrill rides, the idea of boobs falling out seems improbable / impossible. Additionally, why would anyone lock up their valuables, but leave their clothing in an inattnded backpack in a crowded park?

Respectfully,

Sword of the Furry Auburn Sheath

It's an interesting premise for a story, but I found the perspective weird. Rather than being from the perspective of any of the girls, or an omniscient narrator, it feels a bit like a school boy spinning a tall tale for his friends in the locker room. Don't stop writing, but you would probably benefit from an editor.

> "Also, interesting premise, but given the size of and the area covered by the restraining bars on thrill rides, the idea of boobs falling out seems improbable / impossible."

I might have to disagree, Sword of the Furry Auburn Sheath (assuming that's even you, since you didn't log in and so I have no proof you aren't just someone else pretending to be someone with that account name).

I think it's entirely possible. The reason it doesn't really work is that in order for boobs to really fall out of a shirt like that, they'd have to be QUITE large. As in, not perky little things, since those wouldn't even be big enough to LEAVE the shirt's holes, let alone fall out. But since the author refuses to give any of the characters anything remotely resembling a description to differentiate them, it leaves a mental disconnect where he's trying to make us believe that her boobs are big enough to fall out of her shirt in this situation, but somehow not big enough to affect any other portion of her actions. In other words, he wants all his groceries in one bag, but he doesn't want the bag to be heavy. And it's so poorly executed that it just seems offputting, almost like the literary narrative version of the uncanny valley.