by Harddaysknight
Что за...??? Когда он ее подтолкнул это было в детстве и к тому же не при куче гостей, где и родичи и друзья семьи. А уж говорить про интимные подробности при всех, да ещё и в таком унижающем стиле. Такое прощать просто нельзя!
Full of flaws.Brandi has an apartment,but stays in the hotel.Why has she an apartment and not getting married from home?.How did Val know they were at the hotel,like wise Ray, as when Marge left Ray she had no where to stay and how could Ray suddenly get there a day early.
Enjoyed this one, yet again, but still think the wife went way overboard in her hurtful comments.
One of your best! I come back and read it every couple of months. Brief and impactful.
Terribly awkward, stilted dialogue...telling instead of showing...not your best work. Can't justify more than 3 stars.
Could have been a great story, but you make it incredibly weak at the end. Stupid explanation for the disrespect and ugliness she sprouted toward her husband doesn't begin to justify that kind of behavior. If she doesn't respect them, she has no right to his attention anymore. And unless he is a complete wimp, he'd have no interest in her.
You are a good writer overall, but parts of this story felt contrived, not very realistic. And how in the world did she expect to motivate Jack with the words she spoke? What kind of a kick in the pants was she trying to give him by disrespecting his manhood in front of family? And why wouldn't she have apologized, if she didn't really mean it, when she came to understand that he had taken her seriously? As I said, this story doesn't feel right.
Not likely. Maybe in the wrong category, should be in fantasy. The idea of the mock adversarial relationship is pretty lame. If a wife can't respect her husband, there's not much hope there. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." With that kind of heart, there's no way he should go back to her. And if she's that superficial that she flip flops around like that she's not worth much attention anyway.
Another proper loving wife, not because of what was said, but because she kept her vows as he did.
This was a great start to a story. But I don’t believe all, would have been forgiven by either one if them so easily. And I sincerely doubt, the wife would have allowed them to stay married for two years, with no contact. And there would have been other sexual relationships for both of them, which would have complicated things more. 3 stars
I vaguely remember reading this story but never left a comment! Classic HDK story.
5
A victory when a story here has no slut wife…..or husband with both adhering to their vows. R. H.
5 stars !!
Now I'm gonna be thinking about "the fucking dentist" when I next have a romantic (?) interlude...
Well done... and funny, too.
Yeah she went beyond trying to motivate him, that seemed like resentful words. He probably should move on except he likes this "adversarial relationship"?
Lol! Kind of a pulp fiction sort of a story. Good, though, and funny too. Anyway, Pulp Fiction the movie was pretty darn good too. 5
Re. Anon's explanation which is spot on. Eliminate the word father and change the "are" to the singular "am." It now becomes "I am going to the wedding.
Kiwihunter, it is you who have made the grammatical error, not HDK. If they are the subject of the sentence it should indeed be "your father and I" but if they are the object, as was the case here then it should be "your father and me". HDK's grammar was spot on. To illustrate the difference, "Your father and I are going to your wedding."
"Among the guests at your wedding will be your father and me." Hope this helps.
Not up to HDK's normal standard, I'm afraid. Jack and Val are like a pair of glue sniffers whose emotional development stopped at age 15 due to the glue. Neither of them seem like they can be trusted to visit the bathroom unattended, yet we're expected to believe that Jack was some big shot in Afghanistan. Nope.
"Go fuck yourself, scumbag," I taunted. "I won't give a shit like you a fucking dime, you slimy cocksucker!"
Maybe stick with editing? Just don't try to slip lines like this into their stories.
That was a difficult happy ending to engineer, but the author pulled it off! Good job!
If correct grammar is used it would be " your father and i" not "your father and me". This is a very common error and detracts from the quality of the writing.
Val tells everyone that she's afraid a piece of ass and a bike ride would kill me. I should brush up on my oral skills because I wouldn't be able to ever satisfy her, or any woman again with my big gut, low endurance, and limp dick."
This author is the absolute CUCK KING if the husband isn't a complete cuckold. Their a complete and utter idiot with all the common sense of a 10 year old Girl.
Personally I would of come back two years later with a fucking hot as fuck Major on my arm and told the Wife maybe it's time you got your fat ass into gear because I want a fucking divorce.
the only people that should make fun of someones sexual abilities technique stamina etc is someone looking for and expecting a fight, or a divorce. the wifes usage of that was unacceptable, especially in publc. rk
Sorry the best line was near the end: "Thank God! The fucking dentist won! Now we can all get some sleep!"
The best line of this story was "You're the fucking dentist?". Loved the story
Really nice and balanced story. The fear for a loved one at war and the joy of re-joining the family. Funny as hell but also serious as a knife attack. Very creative and well done.
Excellent ending. Did not see that one coming. Well written story, moved it along smartly.
Really funny take. Completely ludicrous but really funny.
To the doubters, stop worrying about Val's fidelity. It is pretty clear the author 8ntended that they were both faithful just in this weird mock adversarial relationship.
I really liked the story but have one question. We know Jack was faithful for two years but what about Val? She was unsatisfied before he left and, unlike him, would have boundless opportunities to cheat. Did she?
Cute I'd have to say Val finally got "her man" she almost lost him by verbal ass kicking she gave him. Luckily both realized that they had to kick each other's butt you keep their spouse. Luckily Val only came to the edge but not over the brink. Jack was smart enough to see that his wife was trying to motivate him (almost too much). Marge proved to Jack he was still faithful to his wife even though Val had rip him a new one. 5 stars
one never disrespects the sexual abilities of a partner ever, UNLESS you want the relationshipp to end. It will end, either quick divorce or slow resentment building up over years as the insulter and insultee(especially the insultee) remember and spin the insult. Whether in private or public the insultee will remember resent and fester over the insult while the arrogant asshole who issued the insult will try to downplay the hurt, the disrespect or the intent of said insult. both will be thinking it was the truth coming out in anger or drunkenness.rk
pummel 187 must be in the lgbgt sexual group
When I was younger, taunts from people would make me work harder. Usually, it was taunts from people who annoyed me. Being belittled by those I cared about and respected just made me depressed.
If I got married and she called me out like that I would get really pissed. You shouldn't humiliate those you claim to love publically.
Nice little story... oh and another thing, all ANONYMOUS COMMENTERS should SHAMPOO my crotch!
I’m perhaps a little slow, but I think the message here is that married couples should take the time to talk to each other? 5stars!
Not enough sex, this is Lierotica after all , liked the plot line and characters
WTF??
Another story with so much promise yet ends too quickly and would have the appearance of swiss cheese. Too many holes in it. Take the time to write these stories to completion.
Good story, maybe more on Jacks "accident", well written, yes a few errors, so what. Creative work, A pleasure to read
There is no comparison to Jack's attempt to get Val to 'shit or get of the pot' and Val' emasculating her husband. Jack did it in a family only setting and did not mention anything that should stay between husband and wife. Val instead did emasculating in front of family AND friends, as well as making comments about a situation that should stay between spouses. Did Val try to put her foot down with Jack in private? I do not mean to nag him but have a serious heart-to-heart with him. No she just had to, not only embarrass him, she just had to humiliate him. Also, why should he think she was faithful to him, after he had disappeared, considering what she said?
-
Pasqual
Now that was a good story. Funny as hell in the end. But now I wanna see brandis friends
The knife scene technique was garbled. In any event, if you step inside and block with your left you use your right to crush his windpipe...it only takes about 15 lbs of pressure. It's the beginning of a standard kill sequence.
You needed to mention if Val had remained faithful for those 2 years. Frankly you didn't give the reader much reason to believe so....
"I realized that Val was just giving me a kick in the ass, much like I had done to her all those years ago. It was an epiphany. The problem was I had way over reacted and I was afraid to admit it to Val." - Yes, they both needed a kick in the ass, and if she had kept it to his physical condition, everything wold have been fine. It was her ADMITTEDLY going too far by belittling his manhood that was the problem, and he DIDN'T overreact.
5 Stars on this Story .It Shows a lot of Humor and real life in it . . It is in my top 5 Stories here
Not the expected ending but a welcome one. Estranged military husband, fully expecting a cheating wife cliche but no they were estranged because she belittled him. Not nice but not quite cheating either, easier to reconcile. Pretty good story that avoided a usual cliche and for that alone I'm giving this 5 stars.
It was short, all the major points hit though. Overall a good example of careful word usage and attention to the content to keep the dreaded repeated details issues so many writers use to fill a non-existent void.
Very nicely done :)
This has to be the dumbest story I have ever read. Val want to know something and he tells her we'll discuss this later. Really? Your significant other asks a question and your ego is so big to answer her now? As far as making her say uncle. I've done it quite a number of times by going down on a girl for as long as I can. That's nothing new. Anybody can do that. Then jumping in the pool naked while their daughter, her friends, her fiance and his parents are there. What really gets me is how everybody is kissing his ass and trying to build him up all throughout the story.
There is absolutely no way Marge would’ve told him to stop or grabbed his arm. She would’ve either been taking out the other attacker or preparing to defend against him.