All Comments on 'We Tried Two Twosomes'

This is the third of Abby's stories - she writes so well compared to so much on Lit and it's so refreshing not have the wham bam in the first paragraph but build up slowly to some really realistic sex - I just love her work and look forward to many more gorgeous stories.

As with the previous two stories, this one has a natural and realistic flow to it. The content better fits erotica, rather than porn. This is a compliment.

Something else similar to the previous story is the subtle emotional undercurrent. Three sentences capture it:

"he slowly took off all of his clothes. He stared into my eyes the whole time."

"but we both knew there was something fiery hot between us that we left unspoken for Shell and my husband's sake."

"There was something incredible between us, that we could experiment with, but never truly have."

For me, these three sentences provide the tension in the story. If not for the tension, the story would be only a description of an encounter, well written for sure, but still only an encounter. No drama.

This bit of emotional tension, a secret intimacy, provides the drama.

However, it's still only three sentences. The implication does not play out in the rest of the story. It doesn't really show itself in the interaction between Josh and Abby.

It may not be your purpose to delve into this more deeply, and that's up to you. I still think -- especially since you have the narrative description part of writing nailed -- that you might want to experiment with dialog (for example) as a way to bring the implicit emotional tension into the story, bring it more to the foreground as a dilemma and/or potential conflict.