by PrevertedMe
How utterly delicious. I really like the writing style, and loved the actual content.
I started our really enjoying your story. My opinion... It started out really strong and sexy hot. It progressed along to him taking and her giving her sweet ass. A fantastic story, but the short spurts of words (again in my opinion) just seemed t distract from the story after they continued toward the middle of the second page. A great story, but with words so brief it seems tha a shorter version would have served better.
Too difficult to read and get much meaning. Stop the overkill of ellipsis.