'Ween Contest

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about," screamed LovesCrap.

Lauren shushed him and continued, "Now everyone calm down for a minute while I explain where we are. We are still in Salem, a version of it anyway. We are now in the year 1692 in a small bubble of time. Time does not pass here, so no matter how long we stay, we won't get any older, nor will the sun rise here. We will remain under this fabulous moon!"

"Bullshit," snapped Senor Pile-It.

Law-ren giggled before saying, "If you don't believe me, pick a direction and see how far you can walk. Go ahead, I will wait."

"Everyone fan out," Roz ordered, taking control. "Let's see what we are dealing with here."

"Yes Roz," Kenny replied before racing off to the North. He didn't get far however before he crashed into the same sort of invisible barrier than had stopped the Odd Bastard earlier.

"Oh...and don't run. I forgot to mention that part. The barriers are kind of invisible." She then sat down on a large tree stump and began casually filing her nails while she waited for the rabble to finish their investigations.

Over the next hour or so, the contestants had glumly filed back to the stump where Law-ren had now finished her nails. The contestants were still arguing as they returned, "I'm telling you," argued Pile-It, "there is no way that this is Magik, she must have spiked our drinks or something, or maybe it's some sort of mass hypnosis!"

"Shut up, Pile-It," hissed Buttman, "You are just going to make her even madder at us."

"Oh, I'm not mad," she said giggling, "I'm really excited to see who wins! So, now that you have all had your look see, are you ready to suspend your disbelief so we can get on with the contest?"

When no one contradicted her, she continued, "Radley and Twaddle, could you two luscious, Texan boys go and fetch Kenny's body, so we can continue?"

"His body?" screamed Susan, "Oh my God, she killed..."

"If you say one more word, you are a dead blonde," Law-ren hissed. "I knew somebody would go there; God I hate South Park."

"Is he really dead," asked Bucky.

"Yes dear, he broke his neck when he hit the barrier; I guess he's finally done sucking up. Now boys, go get his body before I get cross."

Radley and Twaddle hated one another with a passion, normally they would never agree to cooperate on anything, but after seeing one certain death and another unexplained disappearance, they jumped to do the Queen's bidding. They found that Kenny D was indeed dead and they proceeded to drag his corpse back to Law-ren's wooden throne.

"Ah, such a lovely body; oh well, can't let it go to waste," she said before leaning down and reducing it to dust, just as she had done with the Odd Bastard. This time, even the jaded Pile-It gasped as Kenny's body melted away before their eyes."

"That's two, my Queen," said Manoo.

Smiling, she said, "You know, I really thought that a bunch of writers might have bothered to read their releases more carefully. I mean, you all know that Jethro is barely literate; you've read his stuff, and yet you were willing to listen to his version of the release? Maybe Manoo was right about you lot."

"Shut up, you stupid bitch; no one talks to JethroBJonas like that and gets away with it. Hell, I bet you aint even white!"

Law-ren's eyes flashed in response and a noose appeared around Jethro's neck. "It's 'witch', not 'bitch' you stupid hick." And as everyone watched Jethro being hauled off of his feet, they heard her say, "Jethro honey, have you ever been interested in auto-erotica?"

He couldn't respond, the rope had cinched tightly around his neck and he couldn't make a sound. The Queen waved her hand imperiously and Jethro's clothes disintegrated in a puff of lint filled smoke, revealing a very stiff, if somewhat unimpressive cock jutting out and begging to be touched. Now unable to even breathe, Jethro fought to loosen the rope as his eyes began to bug out of his head.

"Ducky," Law-ren said slyly, "You've said that you don't like to actually kiss men, but that you really like to suck cock, and we all know that you like bondage. Would you like to suck Jethro's stiff confederate dick? I might decide to let him go if you do a good job."

"Do it!" screamed Roz.

Buttman raced forward and swallowed Jethro in one sloppy motion, his clothes also disappearing in a puff of smoke. Rather than feeling any kind of relief at this, Jethro began struggling even more frantically. He'd managed to loosen the noose just enough to draw breath, but like all Southern men, he hated gays with a passion, and in his own mind, he was becoming one. His body was betraying him though, and between the tight rope around his neck and Ducky Buttman's eager warm mouth, Jethro found he was ready to erupt.

"Nooooo," Jethro screamed, "I hate faggots," as he began to erupt into the back of Buttman's willing throat, and with each spurt of semen, Jethro aged ten years instantly. By the fifth or sixth spurt, Jethro was dead, hanging limply from the noose that still held him aloft.

Unfortunately for Buttman, Jethro's semen had caused an opposite effect on Ducky; he lost ten years with every spurt, shrinking in size and stature with each gulp. Eventually Ducky disappeared back entirely, back into a gleam in his mother's eyes. There was a popping sound, and he was gone.

Ms Zero said brokenly, "You said that you'd let him live."

Law-ren shook her head sadly, and said "No, I said maybe...but Jethro had probably broken more forum rules than anyone. Not a single day passed when he didn't say or do something offensive."

"...and Ducky?"

"Ahem. Block voting... duh!"

"So that's what all this is about," Roz cried, her hysteria rising, "You are killing everyone who broke the rules?"

"Well, not exactly, but I had to find a way to sort y'all out somehow, and it seemed like a good place to start. You really should have read the releases."

"So there's hope for some of us?" Susan said desperately.

"One of you will be chosen, but the rest of you might not mind what happens to you. Let's just settle down and see where this takes us."

"Ooo, this is just like that time in that movie..." Susan began before a large ball gag appeared suddenly in her mouth, choking off the rest.

"Susan, if you make one more stupid fucking reference to a scene from a movie, just because you lack the ability to describe something similar in one of your poorly written stories, I will quite cheerfully kill you. Do you understand me?"

Jilling Susan nodded her head quickly.

"And another thing while I'm on the subject, two thousand freaking stories? Two words Susan, quality control. Okay? Now shut the fuck up."

Susan nodded her head again; she wasn't really upset, blondes had to deal with this sort of thing all the time.

"Okay, now on to our next event, I call this one, 'the Jeremy'. Senor Pile-It will be paired with Roz, Ms Zero with LovesCrap, and Tiny Twaddle will be grouped with both JillingSusan and Radley Texan. The last one to reach orgasm in each grouping will survive into the next round."

"Mmph, mmph, mmph..." said Susan through the ball gag.

Law-ren waved her hand and the gag disappeared.

"What about Nathan Brazil?" Susan asked.

"Tell you what," the Queen began, "the first one of you who can tell me why I left him out of the pairings will automatically win their challenge."

"Because he's in cahoots with you," Radley screamed.

"Nope. Anyone else?"

All of the contestants got very quiet, staring at Nathan, trying to figure him out, but none of them could quite see it.

Disgustedly, the Queen said, "Look, have any of you actually thought about this crap that he's writing here? For God's sake, can none of you see it?"

"Shit...LovesCrap said slowly," He's a freaking voyeur! He may lose it just by watching us!"

"Oh Braa-vo, you might be smarter than you look, and I'm so sorry MS Zero, I really think you would have beaten him and won your challenge." Law-ren then pointed one of her freshly polished red nails at Zero, which caused the writer to explode in a red haze of blood and gore, splattering everyone in the glen.

"Whoopsie," she tittered, "I thought I had the silly thing on 'stun'." "Now ladies and gentlemen, start your orgasms! Oh, and if Nate pops, the round is over and everyone else survives, so you might want to put on a good show for him!"

Then Law-ren started whispering in Nathan's ear. "Oh honey, this might be fun for you to watch. In the one corner, we have a grumpy old gay man and a semi-confirmed lesbian, but in the other we have three group sex aficionados who tend to write about almost anything. I think that the second group is going to have a better time! You might not want to examine them too closely lest you get overly excited. I might have to dry you out!"

Nathan wanted to survive, so he immediately gave his full attention to where Roz and Pile-It were rather unenthusiastically performing on one another. They had slipped into a rather uncomfortable looking 69, but it was pretty clear that neither were enjoying it. Senor Pile-It was completely flaccid, while Roz looked to be as dry as a bone in a desert. Nate began to worry, if these two couldn't get off, he'd be doomed, but then he remembered something. "Wait, Roz claims to be involved in a three way marriage that includes a husband. Shouldn't that give the edge to Pile-It? If she's Bi, it would imply that she likes men at least a little right?

Law-ren giggled and said, "Well sure honey, but can you imagine anybody actually getting turned on by Pile-It?"

"Hmm true, I have an idea; it wouldn't be breaking the rules to go whisper in Roz's ear would it?"

"Knock yourself out my boy; I can't wait to see what you are planning." The Queen replied.

Nathan glanced to where the two Texans were now spit-roasting the blonde, causing her to moan in pleasure. It was clear that she was lubricating so heavily that her vaginal fluids were now running down Twaddle's thighs, while Radley was buried balls-deep down Susan's throat, causing her to make joyful gagging noises. Nathan was pleased to note that Radley seemed to be losing his battle and had already been reduced to biting his tongue and slapping his own face to stave of his inevitable release.

"Yeah, those three seem to be taking care of themselves quite nicely," Nate thought, as he hurried over to the other two contestants. He arrived and began whispering in Roz's ear, "Roz...I know that he's a hideous old pervert, but despite all the lesbians in your stories, I've heard that you like men. Pile-It is a bitter old homosexual though, he hates women with a passion; you are doomed to cum first unless you listen to my advice. Are you willing to listen to me?"

"Her mouth full, Roz could only nod."

"He's written eight hundred poorly received stories, most of them filled with submission and anal. Take charge of him. Slap him around. Stick your hands up his ass. Tell him how fucking pathetic he is; tell him that he's a disgusting worm. Use your gruffest voice!"

Roz grinned around the flaccid thing in her mouth and began to take Nathan's advice, taking her hands from Pile-It's cock and instead, thrusting two fingers up his rectum while beginning to slap his ass cheeks and telling him what a nasty pervert that he was. She alternated slapping his scrawny ass with running her fingernails along the underside of his testicles. "Pile-It," she said dangerously, "I'm going to stick my entire fist up your ass, and you are going to enjoy it. Then you are going to spray your pathetic jism all over me while I punish you."

"Yes master," he moaned, "I mean, NO... I mean...argh" he cried out as he began to emit a few trickles of age-depleted semen over the dominant woman's breasts. "Noooo," he cried out again, as he crumpled into dust, causing Roz to choke and sneeze uncontrollably.

"I don't think she should have swallowed," snarked Law-Ren.

Nathan had already looked away from the scene, feeling the same way about Pile-It's dust that he did about Pile-It's posts, he didn't want to get any of it on him. He then glanced to where the other three were clearly cumming to some sort of completion. Fortunately for Nathan, the revulsion he felt for Pile-It's sexual practices made certain than his Johnson was hanging straight down; he'd actually be able to watch the troika finish without fear of losing it himself. Life was pretty good!

By this time, all three of the others were obviously pretty close to finishing. Susan was now screaming like a banshee; her face was flushed and her nipples were rock-hard. Radley had slapped himself beet red, as well as biting his bottom lip bloody, but he was clearly on the knife's edge as Susan's screams added a nice humming sensation to match what her throat was dishing out. The vibrations rolled through his innermost core and Radley was done. Hoarsely bellowing, he tried to pull out of Susan's mouth before he started erupting, but it was too late. He shot ropes of cum all over Susan's face and into her blonde hair.

This in turn, set Twaddle off. Seeing a buxom blonde all covered in cum had always been one of his dirtiest fantasies, and now he too began to cum, burying himself deep within Susan's womb and unloading every bit of himself into her. Susan, with cum in her mouth and hair, and most importantly, in her pussy, lost it with a scream, shaking and twitching in the best (and last) orgasm of her life.

"Wow! That was nice; I didn't dream that we'd get a triple! Heck, I almost hate to do this," Law-Ren said before waving her hands and causing all three of the contestants to melt away.

After watching the last of the dust blow away, the Queen looked up and said gaily, "Well, it's just the three of you then. This may not take all night after all. Geez... Roz, LovesCrap, and Nathan_Brazil, I don't think any member of the coven had you three in their trifecta. We may have to carry the pool over until next year.

"We are thrilled to have wrecked your tickets," LovesCrap said glumly.

"Oh stop being such a spoilsport LC; don't you ever have any fun?"

"You are killing us Law-Ren; how could it be any fun for us?!" LovesCrap spat back.

"Maybe I am, and maybe I'm not. Tell me, if I let everyone live, do you think that any of them could learn to follow the rules and become nicer to one another? No more pack voting? No more character assassination? No more one-bombing?"

"Isn't it too late for them?" Roz asked.

"Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. It all comes down to what you two decide to do."

"But there's three of us," LovesCrap replied woodenly.

"Oh come now, surely you know better than that. Ol' Nate hasn't even finished this story yet, so he can't actually win, besides... once he posts this puppy, he's gonna get one-bombed into oblivion. Bet on it!"

"So, it's you or me," the other two said simultaneously.

"Here, let me help," said Law-Ren before waving her hands again. Roz and LovesCrap were shocked to see that each one of them now had a glowing, venom covered knife in their right hand.

"Let's see if you two can trust one another long enough to end all of this. Close your eyes and give one another a long hug and kiss, and if you can manage it, we will call it a tie, and you two can split the prize."

Roz and LC approached one another warily, but both opened their arms and took the other in an embrace, neither dropping the dagger that they had been given. They couldn't quite believe that they were going to be able to end this with a simple show of affection.

Grasping one another, they kissed deeply, but then two knives flashed and hit home, each combatant burying their knife in the other's back. Both of them gasping, they fell to the ground and disintegrated into dust, dissipating into nothingness.

"Fucking artistes," Nathan said.

"Well duh, you knew that they'd probably do that!" Law-ren answered.

"Yeah, I might have had an inkling..."

"So, are you going to release me from your twisted fantasy?

"Of course, my Queen," Nathan said bowing deeply, "but I think that I'll resurrect those dummies as seventeen year olds and leave them here in the time bubble."

"What on Earth for? Wouldn't that be like rewarding them for all the stuff they have done to one another?"

"Law-ren, think about your board rules for a moment."

"Oh God," Law-ren laughed, "You wouldn't!"

"It'd serve 'em right. Stuck in a time bubble and never able to turn eighteen again, forever banned from having sex or participating on Litterotica. You know, it would almost be worth all the abuse they've dished out in the Author's Hangout...

Well, almost.