All Comments on 'Welcome to New York'

What a bunch of shit. Are you an acne faced fifteen yearold?

such constructive criticism is always welcome. I notice you haven't even got the balls to show your name,

give an idiot like you their name it not fear my friend it's common sense something after reading your story you lack.

Sonny (sorry, but that's the way your writing looks, overall!): b

You should have reviewed this (it HAS to be your FIRST draft) before sending it to one of LIT's volunteer (read: free) editors. You have 'and' where you surely meant 'an' or sometimes 'a'!!! ((I review my COMMENTS better than your submission is edited!)) Virtually everything about your writing mechanics screams HS sophomore virgin asked to write a thousand-word porn story! Spelling, grammar, punctuation, paragraph integrity, etc.

Next, about your story... You pull up to AND plush house but when the 'lady' (Blind date? Whore? Sure thing referred by a buddy? Your teacher's daughter? Etc.) answers the door (not TOO plush or a whorehouse if no butler or bouncer answers!) and you get a stiffy in your JEANS??? So, she's decked out, and you've got on JCP jeans! Class!

You could have shortened this a lot for your readers. "Met a woman at her place, we had a drink and a hot sexual encounter, and I left happy! The End!". Oops, I'm sorry, that's nowhere close to a thousand words!

Sorry about the sarcastic tone (kinda) BUT there are several good pointers in there. Nowhere nearly enough to make you into a GOOD writer, but at least a little BETTER one. Next story you submit, I will mention things like seduction and tension and dialogue, and you may get even closer!

I figure your readership deserves a small grin and IF my comments provide it, then they didn't totally waste their time!

2* because you sound sincere (=without wax)

Sorry about the floating 'b' - despite some degree of care, shit happens, but at least I was able to be the one to catch it!

...this will do nicely. Ever hear of tension?

That it all was a set-up to get him to let his wife to swing, and his wife and his lover are old friends.

stick to your day job

You write like a thirteen year old's wet dream.