Werewolf at Heart Ch. 02

Emile looked at the phone in disgust, wanting nothing more than to pulverize it. Her escape plans had been aborted, before anyone even knew what she was planning. WIth a growl, she dialed a different, more familiar, number.

"What time will the kids be asleep?" she asked without preamble.

"About eight thirty, or nine for sure," Carly answered. "Why?"

"I need to get terribly drunk and bare my soul. I'll be over at seven, we can start drinking. That way, when the boys are finally asleep, I can tell you everything I want to tell you without interruption," Emile answered.

Soft laughter floated over the phone. "In vino veritas?"

"It won't be vino. I'm coming loaded for bear. Ciderboys and Jameson's. We're going all in tonight."

This time, Carly groaned. "I don't think I can deal with my life hung over," She admitted. "Although blind drunk does have some appeal. Let me see if I can find a babysitter for tonight. Then we can drown ourselves in alcohol and bare our souls at your place without interruption."

"That would be wonderful," Emile said before ringing off.

Emile placed a last phone call. She knew there was no way she would be able to accomplish anything at work today, so she phoned in sick. Her heart and mind were in utter turmoil, so she did the one thing that never failed to bring peace to her soul. She ran. Unwilling to run as a wolf, and not wanting to be caught out in a lie, she stayed at home and put some serious miles on her treadmill. Eventually her body grew exhausted, but she was still deeply unsettled with more unanswerable questions.

After a shower and a quick meal, she steeled her nerves and stepped outside. Her home was somewhat small, more cottage than anything, but it was old and carried the years with charm. Her yard was shady, the grass neatly trimmed and surrounded by a white picket fence. An all-American house hiding a monster behind the doors. She sat on the front stoop, half thrilled she had guessed Jack would still be lurking about. He sat in his car across the street, watching her intently.

"It's safe, for the moment," Emile said, knowing he could easily hear her at that distance. "I have questions and I don't understand what is happening."

She was resigned, the fight gone. Her shoulders slumped, hands dangling between her knees, as she leaned against the railing. Jack hated seeing her so defeated. He got out of his car, walking up her, trying to figure out the right path. He stopped, staring down at the top of her head. She was refusing to even look at him. Sighing, he decided to sit next to her. He would have rather had this conversation face-to-face, but she needed the distance.

"I'm not going to apologize for the kiss," he said.

She snorted softly. "I wouldn't have believed you if you'd have tried."

"You talked to Blake?" It wasn't a question, not really.

Emile picked up a leaf from the lawn, and began tearing it to pieces. "Yes. And I may have said some things that I shouldn't have." She sounded so young and lost and afraid.

"Blake isn't heartless, you know. Far from it. He blames me for your actions, but has already forgiven you." Jack said, struggling to explain the Alpha to his errant packmate. "He may not be the world's strongest Alpha or lead the biggest pack. But he is the most selfless werewolf I have ever met, so I willingly submit to him. He weighs his every decision against the benefit of the pack, each of the members, and finally himself. Forcing you to live full time within the pack lands would only have made you miserable. That misery would have impacted others. Instead, he let you live here. Here, where he worries after your safety and wellbeing."

She turned to look at him, shocked. "He worries about me? Why would he do that?" She was utterly perplexed at this revelation. She always considered herself a nuisance; she never fit in with the others.

"Yes," he said gently, "He worries. You're vulnerable out here away from the heart of our defenses. While things have been quiet for the past decades in this part of the world, there is always a chance of attack. Alone as you are, we could not get you help in that case. As for your wellbeing, werewolves need a pack. Alone, they tend to get a bit crazy. And not in a good way." He stopped talking, letting her sort through her feelings and giving her a chance to wrap her brain around what he was saying.

"He shouldn't worry. I'm nobody. I'm nothing to the pack. And death? I think I'd welcome it, if it came for me." Emile's confession tore at Jack. He reached out and grabbed her around the shoulder, pulling her close to his side.

"Don't ever say that. The pack would love you, if you'd let them. For now, they respect the walls you've built. Promise me," he almost begged, "Promise me that if death comes you will fight, tooth and claw. Promise me this."

"Why? Why do you care?" Emile didn't think she could have been more stunned or confused, but the depth and weight of his words would have brought her to her knees if she wasn't already sitting.

It took him a long time to figure out how to answer that without scaring her away all over again. This was the first proper conversation they had ever really managed, and it was killing him.

"Why, Jack?"

"Because I don't want to live in a world where you don't exist." This time, it was Jack who wouldn't meet Emile's eyes. Instead, he scented her deeply, assuring his wolf that she was safe.

"I don't understand," her whisper a plaintive plea.

"You need to talk to your wolf, she'll help you understand." Emile didn't respond, but Jack could feel her confusion. "Come on, this will be easier inside."

Emile meekly followed Jack into her living room. It felt so much different than it had early this morning although nothing had changed. Jack sat, and pulled Emile into his lap, needing to be surrounded by her scent, to feel the weight of her body pressing into his, to reassure himself that she was there and alive.

"It should be as natural as breathing, but for now get comfortable," he instructed. "Find the wolf inside of you, like you are going to shift. But this time when you go to her, talk to her."

"She doesn't like me," Emile confessed sadly. "I keep her chained up and she doesn't like me."

"Why do you chain her?" Jack sounded almost as sad and slightly worried. If he had known Emile was in so much agony, knew so little about herself, he would have defied orders long ago.

"She's a monster," surprised he didn't already know.

"Emile, darling, your wolf isn't a monster. She's you, your atavistic instinct and primal self. She won't hate you. She is you. Just go talk to her."

Emile closed her eyes and took a deep breath, leaning into Jack, her head resting against his chest. It didn't take long for her to find the wolf inside. She stood within her own mind, staring at the wolf she could become. The wolf was of an average size, but powerful. She was almost completely white, with a yellowish tint along her legs. She sat, rather relaxed, tail thumping on the ground.

"Jack says we need to talk. That you can explain things to me," Emile said to her wolf.

The animal only chuffed in reply. Steeling her nerves once again, she walked over to the wolf and unchained her. "He didn't seem happy you were chained. I didn't know it was the wrong thing." It was part apology, part excuse.

"As if I couldn't slip free when I want, as you well know," the wolf replied, speaking directly into her head. Emile tried to ignore the odd sensation that she was talking to herself inside her head, and she was only sort of the one answering.

"Why didn't you tell me I was mucking things up?" The human self asked.

"You already knew. Besides, you needed something to control," the wolf replied.

"Why is Jack so afraid of me dying?"

The wolf snorted, "you aren't ready to know that. When you're ready, you'll know. There are things you need to learn about yourself, first. Now go back to the man Jack and tell him that no one way is right and he should trust you. You should trust you."

Emile opened her eyes and looked at Jack. For the first time, she really looked at him and saw beyond the handsome exterior. She looked deep into his soul, tried to divine the reasons behind his words and actions. What she saw scared her with its depth and wealth of emotion. Maybe her wolf was right, she wasn't ready yet. Still, she felt compelled to do something. Reaching up, she trailed her fingers along the side of his face.

"My wolf says you need to trust her. Me. Us." she wrinkled her forehead in confusion. "And that there's no one way that's right."

Jack closed his eyes and smiled, leaning into her touch. They stayed like that a long time, content to just be. Today had been emotionally draining, and she knew it was far from over. Trust. She knew she was finally going to trust Carly with her past, so the other woman would understand her reactions. For now, though, she could figure how to trust Jack, and take comfort in his presence. She drifted off to sleep, with the feeling of his strong arms wrapped securely around her, the sound of his heartbeat steady and soothing, and his scent a healing balm against the rawness of her soul.