What Do You Do?

I took a deep breath as I felt the cold on my nipples - both of them.

It had to be ice.

She let the cubes sit on my nipples. I felt water run down the curve of my skin.

"Oh my god!"

She drizzled the chilled water on my heated skin and I felt her mouth on me.

She had ice in her mouth, keeping me chilled. Teasing me, biting me, sending me screaming into orgasm.

Surprised me completely. I bucked wildly, screaming at her.

"Oh my god. You're amazing. Don't stop!! Please god, don't stop."

She chuckled. It was cold and foreboding.

I bucked off the bed, begging for help with the fire.

Nothing.

Cold and ice. Dripping. Her mouth moving from peak to peak.

The bliss slid back. FUCK! It left me wanting more. Lots more. Screaming for more. Begging. Futilely.

Absolute, glorious, mind boggling agony. I knew I was in for something. Something amazing.

It felt like it might change my life. Again.

Her lips and tongue pushed against my mouth.

"Having fun?"

"You may be about the best kind of evil there is, woman. Do what you want with me."

As I felt her freezing fingers tease my sex, she murmured, "I intend to!"

There was no room on my body for more goosebumps. And I'm certain I felt more.

And I'm certain I shivered.

My vixen has been wandering in and out as I've been writing tonight. I think, from the look in her eyes, she has plans for me. I'm blushing. So I'll continue this tomorrow. Maybe.

Night, night lovers... wherever you are!!

***************************************

There was a time of crisis for us. It happened innocently enough... at least at first. We were so close that I had never seen any signs of jealousy in my honey. We had been out one night; a club more than a bar, where there was music, dancing, and lots of women. We had danced, of course, and each of us had been asked to dance with a few of the others who were enjoying a really fun Saturday night.

She screamed that her name was Sam, for, I guessed, Samantha. Tall, willowy, blonde, busty, and geezuz god a fabulous dancer. Sensuality oozed from every pore and, much to my surprise (and chagrin) she took an immediate fancy to me.

Yeah! That was the problem. After the second dance Bren came to fetch me. Thankfully.

"I'm enjoying dancing with this beauty, honey. I promise to bring her back when we're through."

I saw the danger in the eyes I love and began to protest. I took Bren's hand and was about to say goodbye to Sam when the music started up again. Sam took me, spun me and began to dance, slow and close. I looked for my girl but she was gone. I could feel the fear bubble in my core.

My body was stiff with fear. Sam could tell something was different. She turned me loose halfway through the song and I headed to our table. Her purse and jacket were gone. In a panic I left, hurrying to find my honey.

We'd taken a cab because we would be having cocktails and didn't want to risk driving. I tried calling on the way home. Her phone kept going to voice mail. My heart sank. This wasn't like her. It was just a couple of dances.

I wasn't happy with the obvious way Sam had ogled me. Her dancing was both skilled and sensuous. She was flirting with me using her body as bait as we moved together on the crowded dance floor.

That was part of the problem. A busy Saturday night left little room for me to escape her clutches, if you will.

Anyway... I cried bitter tears when I got home, still not having been able to make contact with my Bren.

Sunday wasn't much better. I went to our health club, hoping she'd be working off her anger. No sale! Shit.

I didn't know what to do!! We'd had disagreements before but nothing overtly dangerous, which was what this felt.

I tried not to make this more than it... well, truth be told, more than it might be. Make sense?

Neither of us had cars; nor did we need them. We lived close enough to the heart of the city to avail ourselves of buses, trains, or cabs to get around. It presented some mild inconveniences at times. Thus - Zip Cars! A truly marvelous idea, utilized when, for instance, we went to dinner at Dorothy and Jerry's. You get the idea.

So, I walked to her place, thankful it was close by. I did give thought to letting myself into her apartment. Truth? I chickened out. I didn't want a confrontation. I didn't understand her anger. Was it anger? Jealousy? After nothing more than a couple of dances with a complete stranger I'd never see again? Absolutely not my girl's style.

I'd written a note which I left in her mail box. I did have the thought of leaving it under her front door. But the mail box seemed safer. I'm not proud to share that with you. Or admit it. But it was true.

The days dragged on. I cried every night and slept poorly. I wasn't eating much; nor well. I'd fallen into many of Bren's dietary habits, which, combined with our time at the health club, left me in much better shape since maybe high school.

Nights alone were misery, and an empty bed at night and waking up alone were sheer misery.

I came home in a fog after the work week ended Friday. I literally dragged up the stairs and sighed as the key turned the lock. I was so not looking forward to a weekend alone. We were a couple. What started as a fling had matured into a relationship, a committed, intense, intimate relationship with the promise of... a life together.

There she was!! Startled, I stood inside the door, my heart pounding, afraid, completely undone.

"Hi."

Her voice soft. Her eyes were slightly hooded. I was unable to read her body language as she sat in the light blue chair in front of the window. Not a whole lot of eye contact either.

"Hi!!"

I was confused, hurt, excited, cautious, unsure, and all kitty wanted was to dance with her honey. I hadn't touched her all week.

"I didn't know if it would be okay if I came into your home without asking. I hope..."

"Shut up! You know it's okay, okay?"

The grin started slowly. It wound up the full 1,000 watt smile I loved so much.

"Okay!" Said with emotion.

I went for broke.

"Get over here and kiss me. Now!"

Startled, she found my eyes.

"Now!"

She stood, walked to where I stood, pushed me against the door, and kissed me. She pinned my arms to my side, wrapped me in her arms, lowered her lips to mine, and took me.

YES!

It was exactly what I wanted her to do. Own me!! Take me!! Not exactly submissive, but eager to let her lead.

Her fingers found my hair and dug in. She knew I loved it.

Her mouth moved to my neck, which left me with weak knees. She knew that too. She chewed on my ear, nibbling my neck in between.

"Please!"

She nodded, knowing what I wanted.

I wanted her to mark me... show everyone I was hers.

She ground my flesh with her teeth. I shivered. It hurt some, but I adored the feeling and put up with the pain.

Just as quickly, she stopped. Completely.

As in, turned me loose and walked back to the chair, where she sat, primly, knees together, hands folded in her lap.

"We're too good to let something like what happened last weekend disrupt what we have. I'm sorry. I got jealous; I let liquor and that... woman... get under my skin." She shook her head in what seemed like disgust. "I hope you can forgive me for my silliness." Eyes soft, she said, "I love you."

I heard it all, took it all in, and wanted to rush to her, fall to my knees in front of her, and hug her.

"Apology accepted of course. It was a silly thing that, in the big picture, means next to nothing. That said, lover, I think we should spend tonight apart." Her eyes widened. "I've missed you terribly; this has been a week from hell. I want nothing more than to spend the night in our bed. But I think we need a night to heal. Apart from each other."

I saw surprise in her wide eyes. What followed was acceptance. Complete acceptance. She nodded.

"I like it, honey. I think you're right. I don't think spending the night together would be the worst thing, but I'll agree that tonight might not be the night to be intimate. May I call you tomorrow?"

Too formal. Ridiculously formal. I smiled.

"Let's plan on dinner tomorrow. You pick the restaurant. I'll pay." She opened her mouth to protest. "I'll pay!!"

The smirk was... I shivered. That says it all.

"And I get to have my way with you first." The greens became impossibly wide. She did the fish mouth thing. Know what I mean?

"I'd like you to kiss me again before you say goodnight, gorgeous."

She exploded from the chair, upon me in a couple of hurried steps.

She devoured me.

That's the best way to put it. Her mouth was everywhere, as were her hands. She pressed against me, pushing, forcing my legs apart, grinding as we kis... no, as she kisse... no, devoured me.

I had no idea how long it went on. It ended when she turned me loose, kissed me softly on the lips, and, in a devilishly soft whisper, said, "I love you and I want to make a life with you, Jenna. Till tomorrow."

I stepped aside, still gathering myself, as she opened the door, looked quickly over her shoulder, smiled, and headed down the stairs.

After closing and locking the door, I leaned my head against it, still agog.

I giggled when I realized I still had my coat on. Can you believe it? So stunned to see her, then to have her take me as furiously as she did, not once but twice, I was only dimly aware I hadn't taken my goddamn coat off!!

"That woman and the hold on me she has," I muttered to no one, since I was the only one there. Which set off the giggles.

Kitty pleaded... well demanded... that I give her some relief. Much needed.

I ran the tub, fully intending to take whatever pleasure I could in the soothing relief of way too hot water.

My phone buzzed. Puzzled at who might text me at this late hour, I hurried to the dresser, desperate to turn the water off before it got too, too high.

"NO touching, pet! Save it for me tomorrow. ILU!"

Goddamn her!!

"Yes, miss. ILU2."

I pulled the plug and watched, disheartened, as the water disappeared down the drain, thankful that it was only the water and not my relationship with Brenda. I slept better than I had all week, for which I was grateful. Kitty was NOT happy!!

I felt like I'd tossed and turned all night... which may have been the case, as I woke up in a heap of damp sheets.

As if drugged, I stumbled to the bathroom to do what my bladder demanded. When I was finished and had... um, finished, I stood staring at the ghost in the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes. Pale.

"Why did you make the demand you did? You know you wanted her to be here with you."

I couldn't meet her eyes, lowered mine, shook my head, and bent as the cool water ran on my hands. I braced myself several times, then patted my face dry.

Smoothing my hair with my fingers, I tried to smile bravely at the me in the mirror.

"Tonight will make up for it. Of that I'm certain."

God I hope so!!

My subconscious, still unsure of why she chose me, spoke what was, it seems, my still greatest fear.

I haven't spent much time talking about that. Yeah, right; for good reason.

I may be okay looking. I've had my share of lovers; some short lived, some not so much.

I've never felt I'm anything special. If you're a shrink, you'd probably ask if I'd felt like that all my life.

Truth? Did I mention my Mom? smh Not good for a girl's self image. Well, this girl anyway.

"You came out backwards and you've been that way ever since."

I shared that with Candace, a lovely blonde from some time ago. She gasped, then hugged me tight.

"It's the worst possible kind of child abuse - emotional. She hurt you, baby. Left a mark on your soul no one will ever see. And that's why it's so miserable."

Numb, as usual, I could only nod in silent agreement.

I think Candace soured on me from what I can only guess was my lack of self esteem.

Anyway...

The day was folly. I had to do grocery shopping. And, brilliantly, forgot my written list... on the table where the TV is in the living room. After I'd put my jacket on. So I botched it. Bought about half of what I needed. The worst was forgetting barbeque potato chips. I can't help myself. I love chips like I crave popcorn.

And strawberry Twizzlers. shrug Hey, I live alone, mostly, and it's comfort food. Only slightly less fattening than a tub of Ben & Jerry whatever.

Um, I know I live with Brenda. It's me; I'm scared. Well, worried more than scared.

Please don't judge! I'm doing my best to be as honest as possible about how this whole thing felt as it happened.

There wasn't much I owned that Brenda hadn't seen me in while we'd dated. Naturally, I debated about whether to buy something new. And I fretted about whether I'd find something. And where to shop. And what if I need shoes? And should I settle for getting my hair done? Will she like it?

I felt like I needed a nap by the time I needed to bathe and get dressed for dinner.

I think half of my closet was strewn on my bed as I went through outfit after outfit. I probably burned 500 calories in nervous energy fussing about what to wear.

Why do we do this to ourselves? I've never heard a reasonable explanation for it. Bren loves me; of this I'm sure. I'm mad in love with her. This was so not news. Yeah we primped for each other; that happened before we pretty much lived together. Are we that desperate to make a good impression with the woman who sees us when we wake up in the morning? Puffy eyes, dragon breath, no makeup? We want to impress her? I sighed as I put on the last of my eyes.

Brenda made a reservation at Angelina, a fabulous four star restaurant in East Lakeview, a bit north of where we lived. She sent a text with the name and address. I replied with a smiley face.

Nervous, I grabbed a cab far too early and arrived at the restaurant twenty minutes early. I announced my presence to the dopey puppy and was told to "let me know when the rest of your party arrives.'" I spared him a slow, painful death.

I ordered a chardonnay at the bar and tried to find the best spot to find my honey whenever she appeared. The wine was passable. My heart pounded. I fidgeted in the chair, twirling the glass for absolutely no reason. I missed her arrival due to my nervous lunacy.

She spotted me as the puppy led her to where I sat. The smile was angelic and set my center on fire.

Kitty begged me to leave and do what she wanted. Um, I admit the thought had legs.

Her eyes moved over me; she smiled. Beamed, actually.

"I'd love you in sackcloth and ashes, baby, but you've outdone yourself." Eyes smoldering suddenly, she added, "I could eat you up!" Please help me!!

"I'm terribly nervous, Bren. Thank you for the compliment. I fussed forever trying to pick something you'd like."

She'd leaned in to kiss me before I spoke. Startled, it seemed, by my words, she pulled back, her eyes finding mine.

"Nervous? Really? Why?"

I was a little miffed that she questioned me.

"I don't know what you were like this week, but I was a mess. Didn't sleep well; didn't eat particularly well, didn't exercise like we would... have." I shrugged and added, "I missed you."

She had the good graces to blush.

The prissy puppy came behind her and asked, "May I show you to your table, ladies?" Ugh!

We ordered drinks. White wine for me, keeping with what I'd ordered. Brenda ordered a cosmo.

"I thought you might be at the club today, honey." She smiled that smile. "Even if we couldn't fool around, I could have ogled your all-too-fine form." Which set me into a haze of blushes. I squirmed as kitty flooded.

"You are just too cute! Do you know that?"

"Well, um, you have mentioned it now and then, so it's not a complete surprise anymore. Thing is, honey, I mostly feel like the luckiest girl on the planet to have you in my life." I lowered my eyes, shook my head, and added, "I have ever since laying eyes on you that day on the bridge."

The greens I adore lowered as she blushed, adorably.

"You're every bit as beautiful as you think I am, silly trid."

"Ladies, may I take your order?"

She was cute. Red hair, green eyes, and a figure the ill-fitting uniform couldn't hide. Not that I was paying attention.

My green eyes blazed at me across the table.

What on earth is going on with her? It was me giving a someone the once over. We all do it, don't we? Geez!!

We ordered two appetizers: Antipasta Freddo and Calimari Siciliana; we'd share them.

There was a debate about whether to do one appetizer and a salad to share. We decided against it.

Bren ordered Rigatoni Napoli. Chicken caramelized onions, wild 'shrooms, and a cream sauce.

I almost had the Veal Piccata... but it came with cooked spinach, which I absolutely detest. I decided on pork tenderloin, which included asparagus, garlic mashed potatoes, and cherry port wine for some reason.

The cute server dealt with, we settled in.

I lifted my glass of wine and offered a toast.

"To the woman I love, completely."

She smiled, nodded, and added, "For the long term."

Yes please!!

"So you said you didn't work out like usual. Why, if I may ask?"

"I was pretty depressed, Bren. I couldn't figure out why you bolted so suddenly. And you wouldn't answer your phone. I left you a message in your mailbox which you never responded to." I looked down, shaking my head. "It felt like a complete overreaction on your part." I shook my head again and spoke, my voice stronger. "She meant nothing to me. You had to know that. She was a good dancer, but we wound up close together because the damn club was so crowded on a Saturday night. Nothing more."

Her gorgeous face was expressionless as she listened to me.

"I felt your hand in mine and knew you wanted to leave." She shook her head, twirling her drink in the short, clear glass. "I don't know why I got so jealous, so ridiculously, irrationally jealous. And when I got home, and the phone kept buzzing, I was embarrassed, and didn't want to face you. And it only got worse as the week went on. I missed you."

Not knowing what to say or do I settled for the easy thing. Take a sip of my wine. Which turned into two.

"Is this a one time thing, honey, or... are you the jealous type?" Daring to venture into dangerous waters, I followed with, "I had never seen that side of you and it startled me." I had been looking at my glass when I'd asked. She was blushing and clearly uncomfortable.

"What? Please, Bren, what did I say that has you so uncomfortable so suddenly?"

"I hoped this would be a fun night; that we'd have a quiet, romantic dinner, and go home and make wonderful love." She looked away. "I'm terribly embarrassed about how I acted... overreacted. I'm not sure I want this night soiled with what we're talking about."

A part of me was upset. She had walked out on me; hadn't returned or answered my calls and message.

Another part was willing to sweep it all under the table.

And a voice, from somewhere in the foggy recesses, said, "If you're going to make a life with her, you've got to ask. You know it's important; she does too. Tables turned, honey. Keep after it. She owes it to you." I sighed.

"We'll have our dinner, as you suggested, and our night will be wonderful as always. I'd appreciate it if you could expound on your 'why.'"

Naturally, the appetizers appeared. We divvied them up and ate in silence. For me, at least, a most uneasy silence.

Not a minute after the main courses were presented, and the pretty server left, Bren asked, "You interested in her too?"

Stunned and confused, my eyes filled.

Being Saturday night, the restaurant was packed, so I didn't want to raise my voice, though God knows I wanted to!!

"Whatever virus is coursing through your veins, please know! Only one woman sets me on fire. Only one wets my panties. Only one... just one... has me at my most vulnerable. Only you, Brenda. Totally. Completely. No one else."