What Do You Do?

I felt the area around us grow quiet, which only made me more uncomfortable. I had tried not to raise my voice.

It seems I had failed.

"I see."

I see? I fucking see? Are you shitting me? I goddamn see?

"Maybe I should say goodnight. We can spend some time apart... some more time apart... and see what comes of all this. See if you come to your senses."

Oh dear god. Why did I say that? I saw the hurt register immediately and regretted it just that quickly.

The green eyes I loved so very much clouded up immediately and tears followed. Fuck!

"Goodnight." With that, she stood, put on her coat, and turned to leave.

My heart fell. Shattered. Terribly guilty.

I had lowered my eyes and didn't register that she'd come back to the table.

She bent to kiss me and said, "I love you." Shocked me when she added, "Let's take a couple of days so each of us can sort this out. Night, lover."

The room buzzed again as the voices, I'm sure, went back and forth with what they'd heard. Mortified, I sat stiffly, horribly uncomfortable. My appetite gone, I stared at my dish and my honeys.

"Is everything okay, miss?"

It all came out as the emotional dam burst. I laid my head on my arms and sobbed, without a care about who might see.

None of you know me, know us, know how good we are together. I'm so scared. Scared out of my mind.

The tears stopped eventually.

I lifted my head, dried my eyes in my napkin, and only then saw there was a plastic bag, tied at the top, where my dinner, our dinners, had been.

Yeah great. Leftovers of this complete disaster of what might have been the dinner that sparked the rest of my life.

The wreckage of the Edmund Fitzgerald had nothing on me that night. Drama queen, aren't I?? Hee hee

Mustering what was left of my self esteem, I put my jacket on, took the leftovers, paid the bill, and stepped outside to hail a cab.

I gave the driver my address and slumped in shattered silence.

NPR radio played in the black void of the chilly night.

I shook my head.

"No! Wait... take me to my honey!! I have to see her!! This can't be how this ends!!"

I gave him the address and fidgeted, frantic with worry... and anticipation.

After paying the fare, I hurried to the lobby door. I opened the lock and climbed to the second floor. My nerves got the better of me for more than a minute. I debated about whether to knock or just open the door. I did have a key, which gave me tacit permission to enter her world.

I knocked.

And knocked again.

And again.

I leaned against the door jam and cried. Where was she? Had I lost her for good?

I walked home, devastated, questioning myself, frustrated with her, wondering how it had gone so horribly off the tracks.

Numbly, I turned on the lights after opening my front door. Startled, I found her in the same blue chair as a few days ago.

"I'm an asshole. You're the angel I'd waited for, wondered about all my life. I can't let my green eyed monster get in the way of the glorious thing we are." She stood and walked to me, smiling. The tears started again.

"Would you please let me take you to bed tonight? I have so much love I want to make and you are the only one I want to give it to."

Sobbing, for a completely different reason, I nodded.

She pushed the coat off my shoulders, locked the door, leaving the coat on the floor, and, after turning off the light, led me to our bedroom.

She faced me in the dark and kissed me. I was liquid with nerves and want.

She unzipped my dress and pushed it off my shoulders, kissing every bit of me that was exposed along the way.

Breasts she'd devoured were hers to have again as my bra fell; my panties followed after she'd had her fill of my beauties and guided me to our bed. When I was on my back, I scurried to the middle of the bed at her soft urging.

She undressed slowly, teasing me with a slow strip tease, giving me glances of terrain, hills and valleys that were all too familiar, devoured again and again when we made the love we make.

She finally joined me, slipping seamlessly into my arms, legs entwined, mouths pressed, breasts as well.

Her mouth left mine long enough to ask, "May I lead?"

Eyeroll.

Are you sure you weren't a blonde in a previous life, lover? (Apologies to the blondes reading!!)

After we'd kissed for about a week, she resumed where she'd left off last night. My neck. What hadn't been furrowed was that Saturday night. I had marks on my neck that, gloriously, lasted through Thanksgiving. Yay me!

I squirmed and squealed, gasping with long since needed release, as I was being ravaged.

And then she moved south!!

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that hers and mine danced that dance the way we lesbians do.

She exploded with unabashed glee. My kitty, I mean. Hers followed sometime around the time she was munching on my left nipple. Yeah, it left a mark. So what!! Her ecstasy led to mine... again.

"Lift your legs and hold them while I fuck you."

Mmkay!

She did.

Oh my god I liked it. Umm, no, loved it.

A whole bunch of times.

Shattered.

Consider me gasping, breathless, spent, begging her (silently) to stop.

Yeah, that was a problem.

She didn't.

I knew, learned the, um, hard way, wink, that she was wonderfully multi-orgasmic.

And she... how do I say this... went into a whole 'nother stratosphere that night.

She did things to me that night we'd never done before. And shush! You don't need that detail. Eyebrows be wigglin'.

We woke up to bright sun in a tangle of damp sheets, in a tangle of fabulous.

A kiss on my neck was followed by a muffled, "Morning."

Yeah! That!

I grunted. Or groaned. I'm not exactly sure.

"You go do the bathroom thing first. I want more of you."

I shivered. And smiled. And padded off to do what nature demanded. You know the drill, so shut up.

You're gonna laugh. I was bloated; my period was on the immediate horizon.

I was a little bit glad, after the carnal delight of last night.

Yeah, each of us had earned our red wings.

Do not cringe!! We're women, we're lesbians, and we love each other regardless.

I made coffee and breakfast... giggling.

Meaning... I destroyed my honey.

And trust me... she liked it.

Her cries and screams of delight were my confirmation.

She huddled in a tight fetal position when I kissed her neck and left to make brekky.

The bacon was nearly finished and coffee was brewing when I felt her lips on my neck as her arms circled my breasts.

I smiled.

She pulled the robe from my shoulders.

"I'm naked and you should be too, bacon be damned."

"The robe is my protection from bacon grease, you dope."

"Your dope."

My reply was lost in her kiss.

The eggs were burned, the bacon petrified, a new pot of coffee was needed after the ravaging I gladly succumbed to on the kitchen table. And the counter. Yeah, and... um. Blush.

I'm gonna say goodbye for now as someone has 'that' look in her eye.

************************

It was spring of the following year that she surprised me with a ring. A diamond. I won't say I was totally shocked. I mean, we were living together full time by then, and we'd talked over the Christmas holiday about 'the ring thing' as she called it. Didn't mean I didn't cry a river that night, though. Nor did we sleep very long.

And here's the thing: She took me completely by surprise with how she asked me to marry her!! I have tears, still.

It was a warm Saturday evening in late April. It had rained most of the afternoon, forcing cancellation of the Cubs game. Poo! But it cleared up nicely. And my honey asked, "Have you ever been to the Skydeck at the Sears Tower?" (Most Chicagoans still call it that even though the official name is "Willis Tower.")

"No, is that where you want to go?"

"I haven't either, and I thought it might be fun. Plus, after the rain and how it's cleared up so nicely, we might get lucky and have a really good viewing night." Oh! That's a good point. "And, we can go to dinner afterwards." Oh my, this was shaping up to be a fun night!

"Okay, fun. Ideas?"

"People at work talk about an Irish restaurant, Paddy O'Fegan's. I think it would be fun to try it. Sound okay to you?"

Okay, so that was the plan. I suppose I should have known something was up when we got to the Skydeck and my honey pulled tickets out of her purse. But she smiled that smile, took my hand, and zowie, it was other worldly. Turns out Bren was right; skies were clear, daylight savings had come a few weeks earlier, and we could see Indiana's shore line and what I believe was Michigan City. And icky old Soldier Field, and the other baseball place, and gosh, just about everything in any direction.

Right in middle of it all, Brenda got down on one knee. I stood, staring, not yet comprehending what was happening. And then I started crying.

She smiled up at me and said, "Jenna Amundsen, you'd make me the happiest woman in this city if you would accept this ring as a testament to our love and the promise that we'll be married soon and spend the rest of our days together."

Tears still flowing, I screeched, "YES!!" I saw a few heads turn in our direction and people smiling. And then, as she stood and kissed me, a few gathered around and cheered. And clapped. And, of course, I cried again.

All the way down on the elevator, and on the sidewalk as Bren flagged a cab, I stared at the ring. It was beautiful!! It shone like crazy, it fit perfectly, and it was exactly what I would have bought if I was buying it for myself. She'd killed it, hit it out of the park. That perfect.

I was on cloud nine all through dinner. We sat next to each other. I can't even tell you what I had for dinner. It was okay, I guess, but I was engaged!! She loves me, and she bought me a ring!!

"You were adorable, lover. And I managed to pull off the surprise, it seems. Completely too!!" She laughed. "I wasn't sure if you'd figure it out. From me wanting to take a cab downtown, to suggesting the Skydeck, and dinner, It all turned out perfectly, didn't it?"

"Oh my god, yes honey. Up to and including you taking a knee, I had no clue what was coming. Absolutely none."

And the brat insisted on a bottle of champagne. It's so damn bubbly, but it was good. And we did the swap glasses thing, and kissed, and had our server take pictures with B's camera and mine. She looked like she might pitch a fit when I said I'd pay for dinner.

"For the love of all that's holy, let me pay for dinner so I can say I was part of this amazing night."

And she laughed.

"What's that thing on your finger, doll?" Did she just get stupid or something?

"My ring of course!" I said somewhat indignantly.

"Then trust me, you have in fact been part of this amazing night."

Oh yeah, I guess I have. DUH! But I did pay. And we took a cab home. To Bren's place. We hadn't moved in together yet, though that was next on the agenda. And she wanted us to celebrate at her place. Which was fine with me.

We drank the rest of the champagne in bed from cheapo plastic glasses. Didn't matter. Nor did it matter that the sheets got kind of wet when someone poured the bubbly on my boobs, tummy, and kitty, in that order, and proceeded to lick it all off. That sorts hints at how the night went. Suffice to say it was wet, noisy, and long.

The sun came up too damn early Sunday morning, not that it mattered. We spent most of the day in bed. Other than a breakfast of cereal and coffee. And showers. Glorious hot showers and lots of kissing and giggling.

And we ordered in ribs. Because someone had an idea of how we might make use of the sauce. Bren giggled when I told her my intentions. Yeah, it was a great weekend!!

****************************

I'm going to close this before we get married. We've agreed to keep it small. I sent my parents an invitation; never got a call or anything. I'm more sad than angry. My one sib, my sister, doesn't much care for our parents any more than I do. And she's straight, still looking. She'll stand up for me. Brenda has a brother, William, (William, not Bill) who will stand up for her. He's super cute, and his wife, Mary Kate, is really a doll.

Bren's parents generously agreed to take the wedding party to dinner the night before. Very sweet of them.

It's funny how things turn out, isn't it? Why that day, that time? Why that bridge, although I confess I cross it quite a lot. I'm not overly aggressive, but I stopped and asked a complete stranger to have coffee, fumbling all the way. And she said yes!! We were cautious with each other, and things moved slowly. Until they didn't.

I'll speak for me. I couldn't be any happier and wouldn't have it any other way. The title, "What Do You Do" pretty much says it all. I had absolutely no intention of falling in love again. Purely reactionary on my part that came from one too many miserable breakups. I was gobsmacked at her beauty and, incredibly, stopped and told her so. And she smiled!!

I guess it was just meant to be. And if it was, why bother to get in the way. Of fate, or whatever the heck this thing is.

I love my Bren, we'll be married soon, and I not only can't I wait, I'm totally over the moon thrilled at the prospect of spending my life with her. I hope I did us justice in my telling of our tale, our love. Thanks so much for taking the time. And may love reach out and find you, maybe at the oddest time, perhaps at what may seem as the most inopportune time. I just hope you'll be ready and have an open heart when it happens. :: smile :: B'bye for now!!