All Comments on 'What Happened Ch. 01'

ES

Maybe you're rnot as experienced as your moniker would imply. Correct me if I'm wrong but paragraphs 3 and 18 seem highly repetitive, as do paragraphs 2 and 16. This suggests pretty lax proofreading on your part. I am surprised that the moderators of the site permitted your submission considering this regurgitation.

Kya chutiapa hai behanchod

Or do a much better job proof reading. SO many mistakes. But even if you corrected all the mistakes this still would be one of the worst stories posted here in a very long time. Just awful.

1 star

Full on nasty, garbage story. Bottom feeder.

Besides duplication, the story stunk

It suddenly starts over and repeats to the end.

Badly in need of an editor, my friend. It starts off with a lot of potential, but it appears as if some previously used (or perhaps discard) text fragments reappear and give the illusion that you've finished. Not your finest work, by a long shot. Since it's marked Chapter 1, I presume you have more in mind. Clean this one up first!

Repeating the same paragraphs is NOT a minor mistake but a major fuck up. If this is experienced, I'd hate to so see what you writing was like before getting experience.

Not trying to pile on here, if her husband owed his own company and had space for a courtesan lounge and knew she needed more than he could give her, why did he set it up before she got any way near being fired?

We eventually hired more women, so now his business is being a pimp and running a whorehouse?

I'm sure there is a story here somewhere? Looks like you submitted your un-proofed notes!

Your story had a good premise, but it seemed like you rushed it and made some big mistakes. I suggest you rewrite it and have someone check it over before reposting.

It seems I had a major kablooey in my transfer of the last two pieces. My apologies to all for wasting your time. Additional apologies to the staff. This is not a reflection of laxness, or error on their part, but a mistake on text retrieval on my part.

It will take at least five days to get published, but you'll know it's better. You can even make an announcement in the Story Feedback forum and maybe get a few more readers.

Get a copy of Grammarly - the free version is good enough. It won't replace human proofreading, but it will help.

dirtball