All Comments on 'What Happens Here, Stays Here'

Very nice - and I don't mean this badly-written story: author just deletes critical comments. Way to go, sunshine. You'll never improve.

Not that you're talented, anyway...

Present tense writing is very difficult to follow, and this isn`t very good anyway.

Reads like I'm reading Cliff Notes, or a story summary, instead of the actual story.

The premise was good but the present tense writing was hard to read.

I only read the first few paragraphs before the present tense got so distracting that I gave up reading and came here to leave this comment.

this is a really story line ... the characters are good.

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and ... the way the story is put together needs some help .

getting into "writing group" is a good start. no matter where you live, there is a group somewhere near you.

Tail Gunner: AKA Levi Coldwater

I thought this was a good story. It was fun to read. The slight mistakes were kind of annoying, though. I have found that it is much better to put the story aside for a week after you write it, and then re-read it carefully. You will find a lot of mistakes that way. Then wait another week and re-read it again. You'll find even more mistakes. But I also find that as much as I proofread it there will always be mistakes. Good job. I will read the sequel.

wish you could give "something" a better grade or rating but realize you would not be doing the recipient the respect they need to understand what is needed for improvement?

What a fun story to read! But at the same time what a horror story to read... I am not a writer so I refuse to try to point out problem areas. However, having read some of the other comments posted I do believe the author SHOULD understand how important an editor is and what SHOULD be done to make this story easier to read.

I rated the story 3* primarily due to the errors that a good editor, and as one respondent said, just giving the story a rest and reading over it should probably tell the author what was missed and needed correcting. With basic editing correction this is a 5* story as well as the follow up would be 5*.

I guess the price I paid for the privilege of reading the stories should satisfy any complaints I might have. BUT, I do believe we have an author here with a fantastic imagination that just needs a little help. We could have an author that is worth paying to read. I truly believe Lit has a "writer in the rough waiting to be published"

Many times I have said the following.....

Those that can, write

Those that can't, read

I READ

MANY MANY THANKS TO THE AUTHOR!

Its a good story, fun and sexy. But I'm not sure how it got posted without a serious rewrite, tenses mixed up, personal pronouns reversed. Please consider having an editor review, it would push it beyond average.