All Comments on 'What If It was a Love Story'

I am not sure where the incest comes into play. Does Jo want her mom to get pregnant so that she can have a child? Would be nice to have a finish to the story.

Total shit.

seems to be true, hope to read more of this one, donot have and experence with my mom in law but have regualr sex with wife's sister, she is reall hot

This is sort of a cliff hanger, and makes it sound like there is more to come. I hope so, but if the direction is for mom-in-law to get pregnant, well magic does happen, but 50 is usually beyond fertility. Maybe a guess, the wife still has viable eggs and she is going to have one implanted into mom-in-law? Now that is medical possible and has been done to something like a 60 year old woman. Being just a story, and your story, my curiosity is up!

Well written and promising. Do please continue. I look forward to seeing how the story unfolds. I do think that Anonymous' comment of the 4th was probably self descriptive!

Den

Cheers

this feels like a preemptive story to a bigger and better tale other than an incest by proxy story still nice though and doesn't jerk the readers around

...and use the correct words {than instead of then, past instead of pass, as, (not a), at (not a), etc...}

A good start but you left me hanging - what's next?

Your grammar and sentence structure are so poor I could not continue reading the story after the first two paragraphs.

I was a little put off by the lack of editing for grammar, punctuation, etc, & was especially confused by the paragraph beginning "Jan told me, 'mom I love you...' " But considering that my great-great-grandma gave birth to her youngest child (my great-grandpa) at 46 & that I have heard of 1 or 2 modern women getting pregnant unexpectedly at age 50 or 51, you could have Jan get pregnant in this story. That would be hot!

Take a deep "breath" as you "breathe" life into the story.

Your critics are telling you of their discomfort with your writing.

If you have an editor, change quickly. If you don't have an editor, get one !!!!

All in an effort to be helpful. Don