All Comments on 'What She must'

Rape is rape whether male or female, and managerial harrassment and intimidation is illegal in all states and all companies. this is nothing but BS

What was the 3rd write up for?

Because she ignored Cheyenne and/or was rude to her? Supervisor or not, there has to be some sort of a valid work offense to get a write up.

Not sure if it would have helped much, story pretty wretched.

It's in the wrong category - it should be in non-consent (the author can change the category). Please work with one of the volunteer Literotica editors on punctuation and grammar. You may want to read other stories to see how writers call out dialogue, etc. Those conventions exist because they make writing easier to read.

The story definitely hinges on quid pro quo and abuse of power/harassment, but it looks like you're suggesting that she's being blackmailed into wanted sex, rather than just raped. Several authors have successfully used that theme in Lesbian Sex. (Colleen Thomas, silkstockinglover, MissLisaJones, etc). The difference is that they developed both characters, antagonist and protagonist, thoroughly so that readers sympathized with the more complex motivations and responses. If your subject matter is that abhorrent, ya gotta sell it.

The only indication that Mary wants the sex on a psychological, emotional, physical, or intellectual level is in one line where she's too proud to admit being eager for it. (Her body's involuntary physical response during sex is not an indication of consent. Also, if you can't understand and portray levels of female sexual desire, just write jerk stories. You'll still need grammar help and more visual descriptors though.) That's if I read the line correctly as an empirical statement from an omniscient 3rd person POV. If it's a musing from Cheyenne, then it reads as an excuse for rape.

Those details can change entire stories, especially short stories about volatile issues. A good editor could help you with both your mechanical readability and your content expression, so that you produce the reader response you intend.

Good luck with your writing. A trip to the writers assistance section of this site is a must, because this story is a tough read because of the numerous problems with improper tenses of words and fragmented sentences. A hint might be that you read the story out loud first, and that will catch many of the problems

Just terrible, terrible writing! Where did you not learn the basics?

Offering the "author" encouragement and advice on how to improve this piece of trash is useless. Anyone who would willingly post such a shabby composition does not care about quality, not to mention the ugly sentiments in the text. This piece does not meet even the minimal standards of a Literotica story.

A pathetic example of not even erotic, erotica. At least go over your 6th grade contractions lessons.

Hit 5 stars by accident....

I abstained from voting because I basically prefer my porn to be consenual... but I didn't find this a abhorrent as other posters. A little more character development and some editing and I think the story might be good. For those that felt that this should have been in non-consent, I don't exactly disagree, but there are plenty of other stories in the lesbian sex category that are as aggressive as this one and were received fine... I really think the difference is in the character development... So keep at it.

loved this story and ones like it, i'm so aroused now. :)