What's Her Name? I Can't Tell You!

"Oh, James, that's sad," Sarah said. "But I do think I see where you're coming from. Anyway, though, yes, I remember that night and I enjoyed it just as much as you did. I always wondered why it never happened again, but some of the gals from the cross country team said you were awfully shy." She paused and looked a bit shy herself now. "But I saw at the party last week you're getting over that."

"Oh, gosh, Sarah, I'm sorry I haven't been friendlier!"

"No, don't be! I like shy guys, at least if they try to overcome it a bit, and you do!" Sarah looked up at that moment to see Michelle and Becca coming toward them. "Hi!" she said. "Listen, I'm glad one of you called him, because I never got the chance! I was going to talk to him at track practice today about maybe coming to our next meeting. I'm glad you were on the stick. James, I guess you've at least talked to Becca or Michelle?"

James stood up and shook hands with them both in turn. "I believe we've met," he said as he did. In fact he couldn't recall any such thing, but it was a small campus and he had learned not to betray his lousy memory for faces and names.

Before James could figure out just what was going on, the meeting was called to order. After a round of thanks and congratulations for his role in the Pi Delta case ("No one outside the group knows," Sarah reassured him), it emerged that they were creating a new gender relations resource group and that he was invited to be a charter member. "Gean's just shot herself in the foot again and again, and she's doing a lot more harm than good," Becca told James. "We want to build an alternative for positive relations. Men and women working together."

"I'm certainly all for that," James said, flattered to be asked but wondering why Sarah hadn't told him this on the phone. "I have to admit, the Pi Delta thing left me hungry to do more."

"That's what we like to hear!" Sarah said. "I've been thinking, maybe we could run some workshops in the dorms on better communication and understanding one another, and respecting boundaries."

The remainder of the meeting was devoted to plans for the workshops, and a healthy conversation was still ongoing when Michelle noticed the time. "Oh, sorry, I have to get to class," she announced.

"Me too," Becca said, looking at her watch. There were pages of notes strewn around the table by then. "Sorry, can we have you two clean up this time? We will next time!"

"No problem!" James said, looking at Sarah and seeing she appeared to be of like mind. "I'm...yeah, I'm looking forward to working with you all on this!"

"What a nice guy," Becca said as soon as they were out of earshot. "I'm surprised the Pi Delts ever thought he was serious about joining them. He's about as far from their type as you can get, isn't he?"

"No kidding," Michelle said. "Yeah, I think he'll be great to work with. I'm glad you called him, Becca."

Becca gave her friend a confused look. "I didn't call him. Didn't you?"

Michelle shook her head. "No. And Sarah said she didn't either. Then who..."

"That's absolutely bizarre," Becca said.

As James and Sarah cleaned up the table, the comfortable conversation of before resumed, and James wasn't ready to go home alone. His stiff upper lip against his shyness having paid off thus far, he bit the bullet again. "Sarah, listen, we've got about two hours to practice. Want to join me for a coffee?"

Sarah was as pleased as she was surprised. "I'd love to, James. Thanks for asking."

"We ended up talking right up until it was time to go to practice!" James recounted to Brandy and Paul that evening at the student union. "About everything! And nothing. And we have a date for Saturday, after the meet."

"Congratulations," said Paul, whom James was amazed to realize he no longer envied.

"I'm really happy for you, James," Brandy said. "See, after all your self-doubt, it was worth the try!"

"I still can't believe it myself," James said. "There's only one thing I can't figure out. When she called me yesterday, she didn't say anything about inviting me to join her group. She said something about interviewing me."

"Interviewing you for the group, maybe?" Brandy suggested.

"Must be, I guess," James said. "But what an odd way to put it."

"Sure is," Paul said. "But all's well that ends well, huh?"

"Absolutely!" Paul agreed. At that point he got up to excuse himself. "Well, listen, I didn't get any studying done this afternoon, so I'd better be off to catch up now."

"Don't feel you have to run off," Brandy offered.

"Thanks, but I do," James said. "I want to be sure to have plenty of time on Saturday!" They all shared a laugh, and James was off.

Brandy and Paul barely had time to resume their own conversation before a young woman in hippie garb, whom neither of them knew, appeared out of nowhere and helped herself to a seat at their table. "Excuse me," she said. "I'm sorry to bother you...was that James Franklin?"

"Yes," Brandy said. "And --"

"Is he okay?" the mystery girl interrupted. "Did he say anything about an unpleasant incident this afternoon?"

"No, he's the happiest I've ever seen him!" Brandy countered. "But, why are you asking? And who are you?"

"Sorry! My name is Rachel and...it's a long story. But I'm glad to hear he had a good day. Sorry to bother you!" And she disappeared into the crowd as quickly as she had appeared.

Alone in his room, Todd slugged down another shot of peppermint schnapps and did his best to forget. It was no use: there he was again, knocking on Sarah's door with a plastic cup in his hand, recognizing the cute brunette he'd seen James ogling back at that party, lying to her about collecting beer money for a party, making all the small talk he could while she dug some coins out of her purse so he'd be able to practice her voice, and then duping his friend under Eric's mischievous eye, knowing now that he'd have to do it at least once more...and that Eric would most likely send that letter anyway. Why, oh why, hadn't he just bit the bullet and said no?! Mom and Dad were going to find out one day anyway, weren't they? But he'd wanted so to at least get through college before facing that.

A knock on the door shook Todd momentarily out of his self-pity. He checked the peephole, something he wouldn't have bothered with before, but the events of the past few days had made him very paranoid. He felt a bit of relief when he saw it was only Michael, and though he didn't particularly want to bother with him just now, he opened the door. "Hi, dear," he said wearily.

"Good lord, Todd, drunk on a Wednesday?" Michael said, with no greeting but a kiss, which Todd allowed but didn't respond to. "Everything okay?"

"No." Todd didn't have the energy to pretend. "No, it's not."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Come on, Todd, you can tell me, can't you? It's me!"

"Who says you're special?! We're not exclusive, remember?"

"Excuse me?" Michael dropped his backpack on the floor in surprise. "Where did that come from?"

"Where did what come from? So we've been out a few times and we did it once. Doesn't mean I can't have my secrets, does it?"

"Yeah, okay, of course not!" Michael admitted. "It's just that you're obviously unhappy, and I'd like to help."

"Thank you, Michael, but you can't," Todd said. "I've really fucked up, and probably cost myself a friend, and I don't want anyone knowing about it. Not even you. That friend just taught me sometimes it really is best to just keep your mouth shut. And to think I encouraged him not to..."

"Fair enough," Michael said. "But you know, you're sounding awfully dismissive of me. I thought what we had was pretty special." He reached out and stroked Todd's cheek.

Todd let him do it, but again he didn't reciprocate. "Yeah, I don't know. It's been nice, but..."

"Are you dumping me, Todd?"

"I can't dump you, we weren't a couple! Not really. Not yet anyway."

Michael pulled away. "What's come over you, anyway?" Before Todd could respond in any way, the phone rang. Michael picked up his bag. "I guess you've got to answer that. I'll see you when I see you."

"Michael..." Todd began in a pleading tone. But Michael saw himself out and slammed the door without looking back. Todd turned to look at the phone; the stone-age campus phones had no caller ID, so he could only guess it was James. He wanted to grab up the receiver and beg his friend's forgiveness, but he just couldn't face it at the moment. He let the call go to voicemail, and forced himself to sit tight on his bed for one minute. Then two, then five, as he was torn between fear of a nasty message from James and fear of no message at all. The latter fear vanished after a couple of minutes as the message light blinked on, but he still didn't feel up to getting up to listen.

Another knock at the door snapped his unpleasant reverie. Michael coming back to beg for another chance, no doubt, he thought. To hell with that! But he wouldn't be denied the chance to tell him as much. Todd got up and, not bothering with the peephole this time, tore the door open. "Look, dear!" he began...and was shocked into silence and even more fury when he realized it wasn't Michael, but Rachel. Tamping down his temptation to wring her neck, he settled for snapping at her, "Look, you tell Eric he can do what he wants, but I'm not going to hurt my friend anymore!"

"No!" said Rachel, holding up her hands; Todd noticed for the first time that she had a conciliatory look on her face. "I have good news, and Eric doesn't know I'm here!" She looked nervously down the hall. "Speaking of which, I can't let him see me at your door. Can I come in?" She pushed her way in before Todd could say no, and shut the door behind her. "Listen, please let me explain before you say anything! I just saw James, and he was really happy! I don't know what happened at the library, but it wasn't what Eric wanted. Thank God! I'm done with him, honest! And I'm sorry."

Todd felt his rage subside, and his spirits rose a bit, and he even felt himself getting a little hard as he recalled the show she had put on in Eric's room. "So we don't think he made an ass of himself at the library today after all?"

"Apparently not," Rachel said. "I talked to a friend of his just now, some girl with a bowl haircut, I don't know her name --"

"Brandy," Todd confirmed. "His last crush before Sarah, the poor guy. She's the reason why he's so gunshy with Sarah, because it ended badly when he told her how he felt."

"Oh, that's the worst feeling," Rachel said. "I've been there. Anyway, I just talked to her and she said he was 'the happiest I've ever seen him.' I didn't ask why and I don't think she would have told me if I had, but something went right for him today."

"I think he might have just told me what that something was," Todd said. "He just called and left me a voicemail. I was too chickenshit to talk to him after what I did, but..."

"What we did," Rachel corrected. "I'm in on this too, even if all I did was pretend to spill that water. But let's see what he says."

"Pretend to spill it?"

"I'll explain later. Listen to the message, I'm dying to know what happened!"

Todd picked up the phone and listened. A relieved smile spread across his face, and he turned to Rachel and nodded. Once it was done, he pressed the speakerphone button and replayed the message.

"Todd, it's James! Listen, I've got some wonderful news, and I feel like I've got to thank you for it. You know that gal I've had a crush on but I wouldn't say who she is and you kept telling me I should talk to her but I refused like a shy little baby? Yeah, you were right, I should've talked to her all along. Anyway, today, I did. She called me about joining a club she's starting, and I went to the meeting and then afterward I asked her out, and she said yes. What's really funny, Todd? You probably don't remember, but at that party you asked me if it was that gal in the green sweater? It was her! No kidding. Wow...I still feel like I'm flying ten feet off the ground. Just wanted to share the great news, and thanks for encouraging me. I ought to listen to you more often! Talk to you later, Todd."

Todd and Rachel were dumbstruck, but relieved. "She must have just happened to be at the library after all," Todd mused.

"What about that club?" Rachel asked.

"No idea," Todd said. "But since he thought she was expecting him, he didn't act like a blushing flower like usual, and that made all the difference, huh?" Thinking further, he asked Rachel, "You didn't tip her off, did you?"

"I wish I could take credit for this," Rachel said. "But I don't even know who Sarah Martin is. You hear about her all the time, but she doesn't run in my circles. Besides, Eric's blackmailing me, too."

"What for?"

"For being a pathetic little coward and getting him some information he had no right to see," Rachel said. "It's better that you don't know, honestly."

"Well, now we know something Eric doesn't know, don't we?" Todd said, pointing at the phone.

"It's a small campus," Rachel said. "He'll hear before long if they do get together."

"I'll settle for that," Todd said. "But maybe in the meantime we can still keep the charade up, just to mess with him."

"I'm game," Rachel agreed. "Now, can I ask you something?"

"I'd like to ask you something first," Todd said. "What did you mean by 'pretending' to spill that water?"

"That's what I want to ask you about, actually," Rachel said. "Why didn't you just tell Eric you're not gay?"

"How do you know I'm not?"

"That's why I pretended to spill the water," Rachel confessed. "I'm sorry about that, too, Todd. It was pretty manipulative of me, but I had a feeling Eric was reading you wrong and I couldn't think of any other way to confirm it."

"I don't get it," Todd said. "How did spilling the water make you think I'm not gay? I mean, I'm not; I'm bi, but what's that got to do with your accident?"

"Like I said, it wasn't an accident," Rachel said. "It was an excuse to undress in front of you so I could see if you got hard when I did. And you did, so I figured you were at least bi." She dissolved into an embarrassed giggle. "I do hope you liked what you saw," she added.

"You know I did, evidently," Todd acknowledged. Now feeling almost lightheaded with relief, he also allowed himself to enjoy the memory of Rachel in her underwear. "You did look awfully cute," he said.

"Cute?!" Rachel said, hands on hips in mock annoyance. "Only cute? Not beautiful? Astounding? Sexy?"

"Remember your boyfriend was there, and he was threatening me already," Todd replied. "Nothing could be beautiful or sexy in a moment like that! You know that."

"Good save," Rachel admitted. "But now that you're no longer under Eric's thumb..."

"Oh, of course you were beautiful!"

Even Todd knew it sounded insincere, but Rachel didn't seem to mind. "Thank you," she said with a shy grin. "I have to admit, it was a bit embarrassing, but also kind of a kick."

"For me, too."

"As long as we're being all intimate, can I ask you something personal?"

"Why the hell am I with Eric, is it?" Rachel asked.

"Well, yes."

"He can be very charming when he wants to be," Rachel said. "And, I mean, you wouldn't know it from looking, but I come from a pretty conservative family and I really cut loose when I got to college, and he introduced me to...to a lot of things. Some of which I'm kind of afraid I wouldn't be able to get without him." Her voice started to waver and she could feel tears welling up. "God, I sound pathetic, don't I? He's an abusive bastard, but..." She stopped trying to fight the tears, and broke down.

Todd jumped up and took her in his arms. "No, you're not pathetic!" he reassured her. "You just made a bad choice. We all do. And you know you can leave anytime you're ready to."

"No I can't," Rachel said. "He's got...stuff on me. Stuff on James, actually, but I'm the one who got it for him. If Student Affairs ever finds out I gave out that information, I could be expelled."

"Gosh..." Todd groped for something comforting to say, but couldn't. "I'm sorry," was all he could think of, and he tightened his embrace.

"Thank you," Rachel said, squeezing him tighter as well. "If I might ask, what will happen if he does tell your parents you're gay or bi?"

"I'm afraid he was right," Todd said. "They'd disown me. That's why I did what I did with James. I don't trust Eric to keep his mouth shut now, but at least there's a chance."

"Wouldn't they at least ask you first if it were true?" Rachel asked.

"They'd do more than that," Todd said. "My mom would probably show up right at that door and beg me to tell her it wasn't true. But I don't know how I could convince her."

"I have an idea," Rachel said. "And I do owe you a very big favor, don't I?"

Before Todd could ask what she meant, she kissed him on the lips and slid her hands down to his firm behind, which she squeezed playfully. Todd felt an instinct to draw back, but he realized just as quickly that he had hoped it might come to this. Enjoying the sensation of her lingering tears drying on his own face now, he returned the kiss and drew his hands around to her sides, which he rubbed playfully up and down. Soon he found himself sitting on his bed with Rachel straddling him on his lap. He made his first careful reach under her top, thinking only to stroke her sides a bit more, but to his delight and surprise she took the opportunity to remove it entirely.

In the heady moment just afterward as he admired her up close in her bra, Rachel asked, "Have you done it before?"

"With a man but never with a woman," Todd said.

"Oh my God!" Rachel squealed. "Sorry, it's just...I've never been anyone's first before, and what you said is even better than that! I've always wanted to do it with a guy who'd been with other guys."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Rachel said. "I like what I like, just like anyone. Who knows why anything turns us on?" She took both his hands in hers and placed them on her breasts. "So these are the first you've ever played with?"

Todd nodded, enjoying the sensation of her supple flesh and the soft fabric holding it up. "Sorry if I don't do it right," he said.

"It's not brain surgery!" Rachel laughed. "Just don't squeeze too hard, and don't worry about paying them too much attention. There's no such thing as playing with them too much, okay?" On that note, she reached back and unhooked her bra, and Todd eagerly helped her off with it. He had only a moment to admire her beautiful plump nipples before she placed a firm hand on his head and guided him toward them. "Oh! Yes!" she squealed as he latched on with his mouth on one side and teased the other gently with his thumb. Brain surgery or not, Todd was soon aware that he was doing something right, as Rachel was moaning up a storm and grinding her hips into his. "This can't be your first time!" she said huskily at one point. "You're too good at it!"

"Thanks," he chuckled between suckles. "But it is!"

At some point she pulled his shirt up; he leaned back just long enough to let her pull it off, and then enjoyed the sensation of her own hands returning the favor on him as he continued to rub her breasts into a wonderful lather. Remembering her directive, he kept at it well past the time when he'd have expected her to have enough, and her lusty responses made it clear she hadn't. If anything, she seemed to want it all the more, as he was aware of her humping him ever harder and faster, and clamping his hand back onto her breast every time he showed any sign of removing it. "Don't stop!" she hissed. "Please! Don't...oh, God, Ohhhhh!"

Todd drew his head back to look up at her face; she had her own head thrown back and was wailing at the ceiling. At long last she looked back down at him, and leaned in for a kiss and pushed him back onto the bed. He asked, "Did you just..."