All Comments on '"When did you start to shave?"'

You could work on you're grammar, makes the story kind of hard to follow

I'm usually quite forgiving when reading stories posted here. I don't expect them to be polished or masterpieces of literature. But this story was so riddled with spelling and grammatical errors that I am compelled to complain about your utter disregard for your readers. Why you bother to post a story without proofreading it for spelling and grammar is beyond me. Posting this poorly edited story insults us as readers, and does nothing to present your story in a positive light.

The whole idea of shaving "down there" is something that an elderly male might find fascinating, but truthfully, it isn't anything new. I wish you'd have spent as much time grooming your story for hairy misspellings, badly worded sentences, and horrid use of tense.

My spellchecker did not find any misspellings. "Afterwards" is legit, although in America now less used.

Grammatical errors? I probably use more commas than others. In dialogue, people don't speak in full sentences.

Shaving: the story isn't about that. It is just the excuse for the girls to get more familiar sooner and also brings in Chris's previous experience, and it made a snappy title for the 10,000+ who have already read the story - with a few favorites.

I enjoyed the story and the build up of the tension and curiosity bringing the two girls closer. It was a little distracting when verbs were dropped or sentence fragmented in both narrative/descriptions and dialogues. I guess it was to add to the oblique nature of some exchanges, but the frequency started to disrupt the flow or reading and for me these effects didn't feel necessary or to add much.

Again, I really enjoyed the story and this distracted me but not to the point to prevent me from wanted to read until the end.

Will there be a second part?

Thank you.

D

Thank you for your comments - both ways.

There will not be a sequel, sorry. Why not? I think the charm - if I may use that word - of the story would fade. Sure, the girls could "infect" all the girls on their floor of the dorm, and/or they could double date the guys at the dance with the expected development, but such chapters wouldn't have the tickle of wondering what was going to happen. Thank you, however for asking; it is the nicest compliment for a story.

I will add something to my profile about story writing.

I'm not going to comment on the story which I neither liked nor disliked, it just left me cold. However, the Anonymous of 25 June who wrote: "You need to work on you're [sic] grammar..." needs to look to his or her own grammar: obviously it should have read: "You need to work on your [correct word] grammar..." "You're" is an abbreviation for "You are".

I think this would make a great movie. I'd buy it. Are any of your stories on film?

A movie? Great suggestion, but it hasn't happened yet.

Thank you for thinking the story would make a good one.

It was difficult to follow at some points. Nevertheless it was a very sweet story.

Perhaps the gauls do it better than we do - he certainly writes with skill and delicacy but the natural touch as if two relatively innocents girls are really having a first shared lesbian experience. Very, very good.

As soon as I saw your name was LeBonhomme, I just automatically imagined the girls speaking with a French accent. That makes it easy.

I didn't notice any serious spelling errors, but there were times when you missed the tense, writing "arouse" when it should be "aroused". So what? I just imagine a narrator with a French accent as well.

Loved your characterizations. Lovely girls, unhurried and adorable mutual seduction, delicious sex. All of these are ways I like to think about French girls.

REALLY liked it! Rarely call a story sweet but yours was-loved the characters, and their dialogue

5, snd s fave, and now following, too

Writing is a little simple and repetitive, but the piece has a lovely innocent vibe which makes the whole gradual mutual seduction very arousing.