When You Know Ch. 05

"She doesn't want me too," he answered. "She said it would be better if we made a clean break. That it would too hard if we kept seeing each other."

"Well, I'm certainly no expert when it comes to the fairer sex, but my guess is she doesn't really mean that," Mr. Reynolds replied. "Go down and surprise her; maybe there's still a way you can work this out. There are ways to make a long distance relationship work; it won't be easy, but if you both love each other you'll figure it out."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Joe said with a smile. He desperately missed Vicky, and he hoped she missed him too. This break thing was a dumb idea; he had to convince her of that. As he left Mr. Reynolds' office he began to make plans to head to Philly for the weekend. Vicky Mullen was going to get a huge surprise.

Vicky was immersed in work that same Friday morning; in an attempt to forget her problems she had fully thrown herself into final preparations for the class action case, which was getting ready to go to court.

She knew in all likelihood the case would get settled before a trial occurred, they usually did (neither side wanted to spend time in court if it could be avoided), so it was likely useless preparation. Still, it kept her mind off her problems, what she was missing in her life, at least during the day. Nights, when she was home alone again, were a different story.

Her phone rang, and she recognized the number on her screen; it was Richard's cell phone number. Intrigued, she picked it up.

"Hello Richard," she answered. "This is a surprise."

"Hi Vicky," he responded. "Listen, I'll just let you know right away; your mother called me. She told me what happened between you and Joe and told me to call you. Well, she prodded me until I finally agreed to."

"Ughhh!" Vicky exclaimed in annoyance. "I'm sorry Richard, nothing against you, but I'm just not ready to start that..."

"No, I understand," Richard replied immediately. "Believe me, I do; I'm not looking for that either. There's another reason I'm calling."

"Oh?" Vicky asked. "OK, go on..."

"Well, I'm not in the greatest place in my personal life either," Richard admitted. "No one really understands what I'm going through. But I figured you might, and it might be good to talk to someone, for both of us. Just as friends, I promise."

"Yeah, why not," Vicky replied after a second. "It might do us both some good. It would be nice to catch up anyway. How about we meet for drinks tonight? I know a good place; actually you know it too."

"Sounds good," Richard said. "Plus, at least your mother will stop calling me now that we set a time."

"If only she would stop calling me," Vicky sighed.

Vicky hung up and stared out her window, thinking of her mother. At least Caroline had the decency to wait a month before trying to set up her devastated daughter, she thought. Quickly, her thoughts turned to Joe, as they always did. She wondered what he was doing right now.

At that very moment, Joe was buying his train ticket to Philadelphia. The conversation with Mr. Reynolds made him finally face his feelings. These had been the longest 4 weeks of his life, the nights especially, alone in a corporate apartment. The days weren't as bad; he enjoyed learning under Mr. Reynolds' tutelage. But he couldn't fully commit to it; what he was giving up still was more important to him.

He should be excited; everyone else in the program was, living the life in Manhattan for a few months then getting to experience living in London. Joe should be like them, out late every weekend enjoying all the big city could offer. Instead, he made excuses why he couldn't go out, went home and stared at his phone, either at Vicky's number or trying to will his phone to ring.

It never happened, and Joe couldn't stand it anymore. He needed to see her, smell her; he even missed her cats, and he was never a pet person before this. She told him they needed to make it a clean break, but surely she was as miserable as him. So he would surprise her and make a trip to Philly. And hopefully she would tell him to stay, to beg him to stay.

He boarded the train that afternoon after work, excited. He was still excited as he stepped out of the SEPTA station near her apartment. He was a little early, and figured she wouldn't yet be back from work. So he decided to stop at another old haunt of his and say hello to Billy and his other friends at the bar.

Vicky sat quietly in the wine bar, Joe's old wine bar, waiting for Richard to arrive. She wasn't even sure why she picked this place; it wasn't as if Joe and her spent much time here, other than coming in on occasion to visit his old work friends. But now, since he left for New York, she found herself spending more and more time in this place.

In a way, she felt close to him here, and she didn't mind (in fact rather enjoyed) seeing and talking to Billy the older bartender and the other waitresses who knew Joe. If she kept talking about him, it was like he hadn't left.

But he had left, and as she stared into the back, toward the bathrooms where their crazy adventure started, Vicky felt an almost overwhelming sadness. This place had brought the most exciting moment in her life; that improbably led to her finding the great love of her life. It was also a love that she no longer had, and may never have again. That thought was crushing to Vicky in the moment.

Billy brought over her drink, and he quickly sensed her mood.

"Thinking of him, aren't you?" he asked with a kind smile.

"Yes, always," she smiled back sadly. "Probably not the best idea, me coming in here.

Too many memories. I just can't help it though, I feel close to him here somehow."

"Well, I can only speak for me," Billy responded. "But I like you coming in; it helps me feel close to him too when we talk about him. This will sound weird, since we only really worked together, but by the end he felt like another son to me."

"It doesn't feel weird to me," Vicky replied. "He has a way of doing that; getting into your heart without you realizing it. By the time you do, he's there forever."

"Yeah you're right. So what else brings you in here tonight?" Billy asked.

"I'm meeting my ex-fiancée, the man I was dating before..." she trailed off, not sure how to fully explain.

"Oh," Billy started uncomfortably. "Well, it's none of my business; everyone has to move on..."

"No," Vicky laughed, her first real laugh in a month. "God no. I'm not getting back together with him. We're just catching up on old times." She then saw Richard come in, with almost a sadder look on his face than the one on hers. "In fact, there he is now."

"Oh, that guy, I remember him," Billy said. "He used to come in a few times with a really sweet girl, but I haven't seen him in a while. Well, I'll leave you two alone."

"Hi Vicky," Richard said as he walked up and sat down. "Could I get a red wine?" he asked Billy.

"Coming right up," he said heading back to the bar.

"How are you?" Vicky asked with genuine concern. "You look like I feel."

"I made a huge mistake, Vicky," Richard said with sadness. "I thought my life would be easier without Jessica, without all the complications from my family. But it's 1,000 times worse instead. All I think about lately is her; what she looked like, her smile. I'm miserable without her."

"Well, it's not too late for you," Vicky offered. "Who cares what your family thinks. Go find her and be happy."

"I can't," Richard lamented. "I heard from some doctor friends at her new hospital that she's dating someone new; that she seems happy. I guess I can't be shocked, it's been 9 months since I broke it off."

"I'm sorry, Richard," Vicky replied, reaching out to grab his hand to console him. "That can't be easy to hear."

Vicky didn't see a familiar face in the window, staring at her and Richard and feeling his own heart break. Joe was about to slink back to the train station and head back north, but he felt compelled to go somewhere else first. He needed to talk with her before he left, so he dejectedly made his way to Vicky's apartment to wait.

"Yeah, well I blew it, what can you do?" Richard said with a sigh back in the bar.

"You can go to her and tell you how you feel," Vicky replied. "Until you hear from her that it's over, that she doesn't love you anymore, how can you ever know for sure?"

"I don't think I could take that heart break," Richard said. "I've already thrown her away once, I don't think I could bear her telling me she's moved on now; that I've lost her for good."

"Trust me, Richard," Vicky advised. "You shouldn't leave things unsaid. If she says no, at least you know and can then move on with your life."

"Maybe," Richard said. "I'll have to build up my courage. But what about you and your guy? Aren't you in the same boat as me?"

"It's different," Vicky replied. But was it really, she thought to herself. Still, she tried to explain.

"Both of us want to be together, if we could," she explained. "But I can't stand in the way of his opportunity. If I do, he'll resent me, no matter what he says. And I'll resent myself for keeping him here when he should be doing great things."

"I've seen the way he looked at you Vicky, at your parent's party," Richard answered. "That was a guy totally in love with you. You're telling me I should have courage, but what about you? Call him, tell him not to leave. I bet he'll stay."

"Maybe," Vicky said with a sad smile. "I'll have to build up my courage too."

"Well, here's to building up courage," Richard toasted. "And to getting our parents off our back."

"I'm sure Mother will be thrilled to hear we met each other," Vicky replied. "She'll probably think we're getting back together."

"We can let them think that," Richard laughed. "For the time being. But Vicky, no offense, you're not really my type."

"No kidding," Vicky replied with a chuckle. "If only we figured that out sooner when we were dating. We could have both saved ourselves the time and became friends earlier."

Vicky and Richard caught up for a while longer, before Vicky headed home. She got on the elevator up to her floor, thinking of Joe the whole way. When the doors opened, suddenly he was there; looking devastated...then pissed as he saw her getting off the elevator. She had never seen him look this mad.

"What are you doing here..." she asked, eyes wide, concern overriding her joy at seeing him again.

"Didn't take you long, did it?" he said bitterly. "I saw you in there, with him. Guess you're finally living mommy and daddy's life huh?"

"No baby, you misunderstood," she pleaded, grabbing him and opening her door to let them both in. "We were only catching up, as friends. He's still in love with Jessica. And I'm..."

"You're what?" he asked. "You're what, Vic?"

She looked at him for a long moment then just did the first thing that came to her. She leaped into his arms, pushing him against the door and kissing him.

"Vic," he moaned, as she broke the kiss and moved her lips to his neck.

"No words," she breathed back. "Take me to bed, I need to feel you inside me."

Quickly they ended up in a familiar place; in bed, in their bed, making love. Vicky slowly moved up and down on top of him, running her hands through his chest hair as her pleasure built. As she did, she began to cry softly.

"Vic, what's wrong?" he asked, seeing her distress and beginning to stop his own movements. He pulled himself up to her and wiped her tears from her cheeks.

"Don't stop, please!" she sobbed, throwing her arms around him and increasing her own tempo to encourage him to start again. "I missed this so much...I want it; I want to feel you come inside me again."

Vicky pulled his head to her breasts as she continued to ride him. They both moved faster and faster as she pulled his head in even tighter to let him kiss her nipples.

"Vic, I'm gonna come, I can't hold it," he moaned up to her.

"Yes, I'm coming too!" she cried out. "Do it, baby!"

Joe groaned out, and bucked up into her as his semen began to spurt inside her. He shot once, twice, then a third time deep inside her. Vicky rode him through her own orgasm and slowly fell forward, taking Joe with her to the bed. He held on tight below her, neither willing to disengage their bodies as he slowly softened inside her.

"Stay inside me," Vicky breathed into his ear, feeling complete for the first time in a month. "I want to enjoy this as long as I can."

"Vic, please ask me," he said simply after a minute. She knew what he meant: "Ask me to stay."

"Not now, baby," she replied, finally pulling him out of her, and moving to the other side of the bed. "Just hold me tonight. Please."

Joe moved onto his side and began to spoon her. It felt so fucking incredible to have her in his arms again, and quickly the desire for sleep overcame both of them. They would worry about their future in the morning.

Vicky woke up the next morning, alone in bed. A momentary chill passed through her body, until the delightful smell of bacon wafted in from the kitchen. She smiled, put on her robe, and made her way there.

"Hey, sleepyhead," Joe greeted her. "I'm making French toast."

"Sounds great," Vicky replied, hungry for the first time in a month. She poured herself some coffee, and finally asked the question she had since seeing him at her door last night.

"Joe, why did you come here?" she asked softly. "We said it had to be a clean break."

"I couldn't help it," Joe responded. "I had to see you. Then I went past the bar and saw you with him. It drove me nuts. I almost went back, but I needed to talk with you."

"I'm glad you stayed, so I could explain," Vicky replied. "But you should already know, there's no one else, not Richard, not anyone...there never could be for me. There's just you."

"Then why are we doing this?" he asked, pleading. "Why am I doing this? All I can think of is you, and it's not getting any better. Please, I want to stay here, with you. I love you."

"Baby," she said sadly. "We talked about this; you can't pass up this opportunity. I could never forgive myself if you did; it's so perfect for you."

"You're perfect for me," he responded definitively. "And you're more important. It won't work without you, I'm sure of it."

"You have to trust me," Vicky said. "You say that now, but you have to try this. Once you get there, you'll love it; I know that with certainty. I saw how excited you were after they described the job to you."

"OK," he finally said sadly. "I don't want to go over this with you again. Let's just enjoy breakfast." Joe desperately wanted to tell her she was wrong, but Vicky was so sure. If he stayed, she wouldn't respect him in the end. And he was excited about his job when he was able to focus on it; maybe it would be easier once he actually got there. He wouldn't know until he tried, he realized.

Vicky and Joe spent the morning catching up on everything in the past month; every crazy thing Emma or Annie said; how Joe's dad was; how her case was progressing. Pretty soon, it was late afternoon. As much as Vicky wanted to grab Joe and never let him go, she knew she had to; it would only get harder from here.

"You should head back," Vicky told him softly. "We have to get used to this; you can't come back here again."

"I know," he said dejectedly. "We got one more beautiful night and day together though. I don't regret it."

"Neither do I baby," she replied, kissing him as they walked to the elevator.

"This is not goodbye, Vicky Mullen," Joe said as the doors opened. "Promise me that. I'll be home again at the holidays. I'll see you then. I love you, Vic."

"OK," Vicky responded, kissing him one final time. "No goodbyes. Just I love you, too."

Joe smiled sadly, got in the elevator, and Vicky smiled back at him as the doors closed.

After they closed, and the elevator began moving, she spoke.

"Goodbye, my love," with that, Vicky slumped to her knees and sobbed. She made her way back into her apartment and cried for the rest of the weekend. She had a beautiful 18 hour reprieve from it, but her despair was back, and worse than ever.

Vicky knew how this would play out; once Joe was in London he would get involved in his job and find his happiness again. She knew he would be great at it; over time, he'd start to think less of what he left behind and more about what was in front of him. Pretty soon, he would meet someone else, maybe some nice English girl that would find him as irresistible as she did. By the time he was ready to come back home for the holidays, she would just be a pleasant, but distant memory in his mind.

Vicky could never imagine Joe being a distant memory, but she had to let him go. After that magical night, she spent the next 6 weeks, the longest of her life, trying to do just that. She focused on her work, with her lawsuit approaching the trial phase. Vicky and her firm were trying their hardest to lower the settlement amount as much as possible.

When away from work, Vicky found she had almost no appetite, and no desire to see anyone, even Emma. Her life consisted of getting to work at 7AM, working until late, and then coming home to collapse in her bed. It was the best way to keep her mind off Joe.

Eventually, it caught up to her after those 6 weeks. She began to wake up feeling nauseous each morning, and found she could barely keep her breakfast down most days. One day, she fainted at work; Rebecca insisted at that point she see someone. Vicky heeded her advice, and found herself at her doctor's that afternoon.

Her doctor had run some blood work, and Vicky was there waiting for the results.

"Well, the good news is nothing is seriously wrong," the doctor started. "You were just a little dehydrated and a lot overworked from what you explained. You'll have to cut back now, though."

"OK," Vicky answered. "This case I'm working on is probably wrapping up in the next few weeks, I should be able to take it a little easier then."

"No, Vicky, you have to start now," her doctor warned. "You're responsible for another life now; you have to take better care of your body immediately."

"Excuse me, I'm what?" Vicky questioned, eyes and mouth wide open.

"Oh, I figured you knew already," her doctor replied. "You're pregnant, Vicky; about 6 weeks along. Congratulations!"

"I'm pregnant?" she asked incredulously. "How can that..." suddenly she realized, 6 weeks ago, that weekend with Joe. She wanted so desperately to be with him, one more time, she hadn't even thought of protection, or that she was ovulating. Then she was so busy and upset she hadn't even put together her period was late.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, head in her hands.

"Hey, this is good news, right?" her doctor asked. "It's a true blessing."

"Yes, it is," she said, offering a slight smile.

"Well, I can recommend an OB/GYN for you to see. You should make an appointment soon with them and talk about the next steps," the doctor added, sensing a more complicated situation for her patient.

"OK, thanks," Vicky replied simply. As she left the doctor's office to head back to work, she thought of all the ramifications of this. Should she tell Joe, he wasn't going to London for another couple of weeks? He would definitely stay then, she knew, but how would that be fair to him? He would just feel she had trapped him, done it on purpose. She couldn't have that; this was her mistake, and she would have to live with the consequences.

But there was no doubt in her mind; she was going to have the baby. She wanted it, she wanted to be a mom with all her heart, she quickly realized. And she thought of what Ken once said about his own kids; this baby would be the only real thing she had that was Joe's. This was the only thing she knew for sure; everything else was murky and unclear.