All Comments on 'Where Do You Want It?'

Bad dialogue and writing permeate this tale. Sober up and take a writing course.

Yep, poor effort

no loving wife here and hiding interracial in LW will get it low reviews

Can someone point out the 'loving wife' in this story? I seem to have missed it. The only woman I read about was cock hungry whore/slut/skank wife.

I get even more turned on by thinking about the posssibility that she got pregnant from the unplanned sex; thus not taking contraception measures and has a baby for her unsuspecting cuckolded husband to raise.

Just a sick middle age man with a sick fantasy, who should not be writing.

You're one sick fuck. No wonder writers like this will continue to spew out this trash.

This was actually my first attempt at writing and I am no professional (obvious). Sorry I mislabeled it. Finally, it's FICTION. You now expect fiction writers to practice safe sex? Gimme a break. From now on I'm going to have all my characters avoid condoms, smoke cigarettes, and drive without seat belts.

who make unhelpful and non constructive comments. Firstly it is a big step to start writing and put up a piece of work for public comment. So good start. As regards headings etc, that is down to the readers interpretation. I do wonder at the kind of wives some of our anonymous commenters have. Are they suppressed religious freaks or what.

So to your writing. Good effort. Does need more work. Simple things read the preview before posting you would have removed some simple errors. Look also for continuity. I think both men were naked and then the wife was undoing the black guys jeans. Just be clear what is happening with all the charaters.

Loving wife? Well she is living out one of her husbands fantasies. She could retell to it him. Get him turned on and then include him the next time. As a voyeur or a participant. Different strokes for different folks. Do not take the criticism too harshly. It is how some people get off.......on themselves.

Usually, it's those who come to the defense of a story that trash other commenters. I often trash them for posting a comment that essentially states only people who think as they do are allowed to have an opinion. And then there's you.

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While I disagree with the original commenter, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You like the story? Fine. You hate the story? Fine. Keep your comments focused on the story.

Not much here to critique. Let's see, she's a student that likes porn. We don't know what her major is. She was an anal virgin, doesn't say whether she has participated with multiple partners before but you get the sense that she hasn't. She has little or no self-control and her husband likes cumming on her tits. Now, the furniture movers, on the other hand, are very observant, they are bold, like to fuck and don't mind rubbing their scrotums against another guy's. I wonder if they are father and son? So, not a whole lot of character development or plot development went into this story. It's too short to be a stroke story. Maybe there's a message here. Let's see, "Once a slut always a slut." No, we don't know what she was like before she got married. I know, "If it feels good, watch out." No, she's planning on trying to do it again with her husband. That only leaves, "Two is better than one." Ok, now we know it's a message. Sorry, there is just so little to go on that I'm having a hard time coming up with something to say. Now if you would have just added this sentence at the end, "That was the beginning of the end of my marriage." then we could say it was a cautionary tale and that this was just the introduction. Your spelling was very good. That's OK. We have to learn to crawl before we can run. Try again with a little more details in the areas I stressed and that in and of itself will make it longer. If nothing more it will produce a good stroke story. Thank you

I usually like more character development, but this story worked. Simple and hot.

Like I said this was my first story but not my first submission. Comments about chronology and character development are well taken. Thank you. I will try to do better. The woman in the story is a lawyer not a student (that should shed some light on earlier comments). I live a wonderful middle-class life with a wonderful woman. My wife told me about this site. She's a way-better writer than I. Like I told her, these things are stories, not fantasies of mine. I have no interest in playing with snakes (another story of mine). I'm confident the demise of Western culture will not come from the Literotica website. Finally to all of you: I posted several stories w/o much response. I told my wife that posting a story that no one reads is like yelling a personal declaration down a well. It's all well and good but if nobody hears you, what's the point?! I'm pretty thick-skinned so I don't care about the pans and I appreciate the useful critiques. I'm just glad somebody's reading my stuff. Go read my other stuff and write a comment. This is great!

I like to think that I have a pretty good sense of humor. Putting "That was the beginning of the end of my marriage." would have been perfect. I'm kicking myself for not writing that!

I like the efforts you have made, but both stories seem to be a little forced or awkward in their presentation. I had difficulty trying to follow them at times. I believe you have good ideas, the delivery is in need of a tuneup. Keep on trying, you only have a short way to go before you get it right. I'll give you 3 out of 5 for your efforts.

2 typos in the first 2 lines put me off reading the rest

If you are going to write an infidelity story, please, you MUST expand and take seriously the set up. Seeing a couple of titillating pictures and then jumping a couple of guys bones for hot sex makes for a dull and unimaginative story. Zwieback. Create some psychological tension in the beginning to encourage the reader to read the story to it's conclusion. For instance, the reader does not find out it was her husband's photo collection until too far into the story. Oops! Did she love her husband? Was she repressed? Did the pictures relate to their relationship on a deeper level? Also the paperwork theme was quite droll and certainly tied a bow to the whole story. On a positive side, the description of the sex was well written and hot.

A complete act of betrayal.

She likes sex and she found out she likes 3-somes and strangers.

Thanks!

No wonder he uses anonymous as a name the ball less jerk. The story is fine, you English teachers need to realize not everyone gives a ding bats ass about grammar. Have you not heard it is the thought that counts. LOL, heck; read, enjoy, write a story of your own. This one was hot in it's own way.

Don't get too anxious to post too quickly. While there's a lot of satisfaction in posting the fruits of your labour, I see a need for patience on your part in 2 areas: 1. develop the characters and create their inner turmoil a little more fulsomely than you've done here; and 2. clean up the few typos that can distract some readers. Think of my first suggestion as foreplay before the sex act - it always makes for a stronger climax. You have a strong knack for engaging the reader and holding his/her interest, and I think your first story was a great effort and shows a lot of potential. One further word of caution: if you want POSITIVE feedback, be careful what you write in the LW category (believe me, I've been there). I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. AverageBear

I cant wait till my operation is over and I am healed and ready to take cocks in my pussy.

i plan on being taken tike this as often as possible and a 3rd in my mouth

Cheating cunt will soon be a young divorcée.

Superb story. Great description, a dream come true for all three.