Where Was She Ch. 01

Paula looked away after hitting me with that bombshell. I had no idea he wasn't coming around and no idea of where he could be. I certainly was surprised by her statement. But then, was she being truthful? When you can't trust, it's difficult to believe.

"Have you tried calling him at his home? Or maybe you could try your usual place. I believe that's what he referred to in his phone message to you. 'Let's meet at our usual place' I believe were his exact words."

Paula rose and walked toward the window looking out over the parking lot. She stared out the window without answering. I could see her shoulders shaking and knew she was crying. At that, I felt a small stab of guilt. This was neither the time nor the place for this. My son was the subject of this meeting, not my anger or her failing.

"I'm sorry. This is not the place for that. Please sit down. I'll not bother you again."

She stood there without responding until the doctor came in. He apologized to both of us for being late and took a seat without further words. He pulled out some charts and a few typewritten pages and scanned them quickly before looking up. Paula had taken her seat and I saw that her eyes were red and shiny with tears. I felt a momentary pang of regret for that but then the doctor began.

"I'm sorry to say that it is my opinion that without some changes, Jim is not going to get any better than we have seen so far. For that reason, I'm recommending that he be discharged immediately. We can do no more for him here and a home situation would be much better for him. He will need constant care for a while and he should begin rehabilitation therapy as soon as possible to give him back all that he's capable of."

The doctor looked gravely at us as he spoke, trying to be sure we realized the severity of what he was saying. He seemed satisfied and continued.

"The amount of care will be considerable until he can learn to care for his personal needs through therapy. I would recommend full time nursing for the first month or more and then you could begin to reduce that level of care. He needs a safe place and one where he would feel comfortable. Home would be the best place for him now. The place where he grew up, the place where he would come when he was in trouble."

Paula was listening intently and I was surprised at how well she was taking this. If I expected tears and crying I was to be disappointed. She was all business and she seemed to expect this. Before I could say anything, she answered.

"Jim can come home right now. Marge has agreed to hold down my job so I can be there for him full time. I can begin to interview for nurses and start training as soon as one can be found. I'll have his bed and his things moved downstairs to the den, which I'm not using."

The comment about the den was made with a glance in my direction. The den was my room when I lived there. Now, it was empty. But more important, I wasn't sure I wanted Paula to be the one to take care of Jim. After all, she was partly responsible for the condition he was in! She and my bastard brother! As I was about to respond in anger, the doctor spoke again.

"That would be perfect Mrs. Reynolds. Jim would be home in familiar territory and you would be his nurse, someone he knows and trusts. That is critical at this stage. And anyone you bring in would be OK with him since it would still be home. This would be best for all concerned."

He turned to me and continued.

"Mr. Reynolds, I understand that you are the one responsible for his hospitalization costs and the one he designated as responsible party, but I believe this is the best course of action for Jim. I sense some problems between the two of you but that is not my concern. Jim's care is, and I recommend the two of you deal with each other and do what's best for your son."

That set me back and put me squarely in my place. If I insisted on caring for Jim someplace else, I was the one in the wrong. I left the house to Paula so home was where she was, at least to Jim. I understood immediately that I had to put my own desires behind and do what was best for my son. Paula and home were for the best.

With a deep breath, I replied. "I agree doctor. I have no objection." I glanced at Paula and saw her shoulders relax. She apparently believed I would fight her on this. How little she knew me, as I had discovered. The doctor was apparently pleased by this, perhaps expecting my objections.

"Perfect. Then we'll make the arrangements with the hospital to move him to your home tomorrow afternoon. You should have a hospital type bed available to make your job easier Mrs. Reynolds and you will need to fill several prescriptions and learn to administer intramuscular injections. Mostly steroids for inflammation and antibiotics for infection control. Both will be required for a month or so until all danger is past."

He stood, apparently finished with us for the moment. Doctors were always in a hurry to get somewhere else when they delivered bad news. I guess their insecurities were to blame. Good news meant they were gods to us mere mortals. Bad news reminded them of their limits.

When we were alone, Paula sat there twisting her hands together, wringing them as they say. She finally looked up at me and decided to get on with it.

"Can you arrange for the bed to be delivered by tomorrow? I don't know much about that sort of thing so I would appreciate it if you would do that. I'll arrange for a nurse as soon as possible. I'll also have someone show me how to give shots. I guess we can arrange some times for you to come visit Jim at home when I'm out. I know this isn't what you wanted but it's going to have to do. It's best for Jim, at least until he can be on his own."

I had no desire to continue to lash out at her, at least not now. This truth about this situation was suddenly coming home to land squarely on my shoulders. I had to do my part and that part was not to satisfy my anger and pain at Paula's expense. Not now anyway. She was going to be responsible for Jim's primary care and I had to accept that. Jessie would be there as well when she could so I had to bite the bullet and make my peace for the time being.

"Paula, I will do my part in this and I will not do anything to make it more difficult. Jim needs you now and I understand that. So, for now, I will try to be civil and not cause you any discomfort. I will let you know when I will be able to visit Jim and you can let me know when it is best for you. I'll accept that."

Paula gave me a weak smile but I could tell she was still hurting by my words from earlier. They were words meant to hurt and wound and I regretted them. Not the words but the timing of them. I hurt from what she did so why not her? I left the room then and went back to work. Life was going to be a strain on all of us for the foreseeable future.