All Comments on 'While the Girlfriend's Away'

Yes I knew there had to be more. Imani wasn't gonna let her boy just go like that. Zaire's not feeling Lisa. All he wants is some Imani.

My girl got her, man, so I'm good with this tale.

I love the chemistry between this two. You can see with the words you chose GP that the night they had before wasn't just a moment of blind lust. Zee and Imani love each other.

Lisa isn't gonna be happy at all when she comes home.

Your English are not bad but it's not what I am used to. They feel heavy, slow and from the side of the street. This is what attracted me in the story but I believe that this language is difficult to read and follow. The dialogue was unnecessary and you tell more than you show.

You have allowed some repeating words in your text. It is not terrible but it is something that you should make sure to remove before posting.

Maybe you should ask for help from an editor.

Keep trying!

What is there to be confused about? Zaire made his choice. He is such a caring and sweet person that he has no problem cheating on his girlfriend. Imani is no better. Hopefully Zaire will have enough balls to at least break up with the girlfriend .

Just read both stories...

Glad Zaire chose Imani! His girlfriend sounds like a bitch. She had no problem with Imani being around her man 'cause she thought Imani wasn't pretty. The joke's on her though.

Right on playboy. Looking forward to reading more of your work.