All Comments on 'White Lily Ch. 01'

You ruined it for me when you put that bitch Amanda above Ally who is obviously way more devoted to him.

Your writing is florid and almost poetic - I was really impressed! Your story was original and the ideas in it weren't ones I had read before. I'm not a fan of wire bindings for nipples or wrists but that's a detail and not integral to the plot. Brilliantly written and unorthodox. I really liked it.

Okay. Writing quality is good. The story?

If I could speak to him....

Oh, hell no, you asshole douchebag goatfucker. Go find some of those easy young things because your pencil dick self is not worth it. And wires on nipples? The day you let edrider wrap a string around your balls. I wouldn't have wasted time trying to beat down the bitch. I would be too busy getting loose and launching housewares at you on my way out the door. With luck, the bitch would join my effort and you can have a concussion in stereo. Slime like you is not worthy of a mature woman's submission.

But, he's fiction and I can't speak to him ...so I won't bother.

@FA_JF...lmao...WAY TO GO!!! I agree the story is well written. One of the few times a story has made me step outside the fantasy and think about the reality. All I could think at the end is what a horrific situation this ass has created. Definitely would appeal to the minority.

I'm not a fan of the dynamics. Ally is the better sub, clearly Amanda is the more dominant of the two women, and so their ranking makes sense. However, when he rewards Ally with his semen and ignores Amanda while she's going down on him, making her jealous, he sets up a very risky hierarchy. How does this play out when he doesn't referee them, whether at the office or in play? How will he protect Ally and Amanda? And what was he thinking, leaving them in bondage to each other, unsupervised? And as a dominant, he seems more interested in himself than in his subs' well being, isn't that what a dominant is supposed to do, create the safety and trust that allows the submissive to submit?

I also feel like we were dropped into the middle of the story at Chapter 6, instead of the first of two... The next chapter will have to do a lot of back tracking.

As for the writing, it's very visual, almost too visual. It feels like you are consulting a thesaurus every other sentence, when you might have spent some time with a dictionary instead... jewelry (jewellry) and taut (taught), for example.

I do want to know why these women dislike each other so intensely, and how someone so conceited, arrogant, and egotistical cultivated at least two mature women to be his submissive. Not sure if I'm curious enough to continue with the next chapter, though it is rated much higher than this section...

You guys complaining about the problems faced with Ally being in second even though she serves better haven't thought about the future implications while considering the little background the story gives. Ally was denied and orgasm for months before this. The author does not say Amanda was treated the same way. He set them up so that Amanda will be a cruel mistress. He said he can be cruel at times. Bondage does not turn me on but if you take a moment to see things from that point of view you can understand why the way things were written may be so erotic to the author. The evenings where Amanda is placed in control over Ally in the future promise to be painful and humiliating for Ally. But as long as Amanda is the way she is it will be Ally who is rewarded. This reinforces both roles. Ally now desires Amanda's cruelty and Amanda now hates Ally more.

Something is very wrong in that there are no other comments here. This may be the most artful and deliciously filthy fucking hot story in all of Literotica. Thank you for allowing my eyes and cum soaked hand to experience Part 1.