All Comments on 'White Squaw'

lliked it alot but could use more violence and more detailed sex but it got me wet

i was definatly turned on but would have loved to have had more humiliation added

Learn to write correctly. Your idea is good, but it's written really badly. What's with the 'Anne replied "That she wasn't blah blahb." '? no one talks like that. The quotations (" ") are used when someon is talking. Basically, your lack of being able to write anything has turned me off of your story.

Hey good going love the indian white girl things was always a turn on for me and i am sure many many whites have some kind of indian blood in them keep it up

Thanks for futhering the stereotypes of MY people. Overlooking the horrible writing, all I can say is: learn before you write. This was awful.

My people too, for Christ's sake. Next time you decide to write a story like this, do some research.

This was awful. First off why would a native have a circumsized penis second, are you fucking stupid? This is one of the worst types of stereotyping I have ever seen. Try reasearch.

from a scot. Pre adolescent fantasy written in 6th grade level english. Take a class or two. And learn something about the cultures you write about before you write them. Otherwise you just look like an ignorant putz.

So you must be happy as hell. Your writing is atrocious, your story childish and your obvious lack of ANY knowledge of Native Americans and their cusoms or even proper details of period clothing for either culture is astonishing. How do you find the energy to write after bagging groceries all day?

You have a good idea, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. Your story reads like a list. "Anne lived in Scottland" "Anne was on the stagecoach."

Readers want to feel as if they are involved in the story, not to just have facts spit out at them.

As for the erotic qualities? Sorely lacking. I understand most erotic fiction rarely has anything to do with reality, but this was so offbase with true Native American culture, that it almost seems as if you were trying to write a stereotypical parody.

I suggest you do a lot more reading before you write. Not just erotic literature, but any fiction you can find. Look at your favorite stories and ask yourself why you like them. Try to learn how to tell a story, not to just spit out details to your readers. Learn to give your writing some soul.

Normally I might get a "rise" from a story like this....but the stereotypes and bad writing killed it for me. Better luck next time...

This stunk.

Off the boat and two days later in Colorado? That's some stage coach!

How ignorant and backward does one have to be to use such negatory words. Portraying First Nations as savages and killers. For your information first and foremost the word Squaw is no a compliment nor those it means woman. It is however a word describing the genitals of a woman. Second we were not killers of elderly people. And no women killer. Again your ignorance lack respect and truth!