by collide00
it's a good start to what could be a good series of story's it was a good read
I like your style but unfortunately you spoil the story with poor spelling and a lack of punctuation. You need to read your draft out loud before submitting it. The more drafts the more finished the story becomes.
But I will have to suggest that you get an editor to help you out. Lots of misspelled and wrong words used. "Brake" vs "break" for example. Just stuff to help the story flow a little beer.
Thank you to all those who have taken the time to read my story. I am an enthusiastic amateur who enjoyed reading others stories and thought i would like to share a story that has been bouncing around my head. I will take on board all comments and try to improve for my next story. If one person enjoyed this story then i am happy.
I admit I can't see the anatomical "cowgirl" physiologically, alas -- crotch to crotch rubbing with nothing pushing or poking? But this is fiction, so conceptually, I love it. Do more! Persuade me and make it happen!
This story badly needs an editor, also quotation marks to clearly denote what is spoken aloud. I want to read it, but in it's current state I literally cannot.