All Comments on 'Whose Fault Was It Ch. 04'

WABW,

Great escape fiction.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

I have enjoyed the series. Great story line. Great depth of character. The people are good flawed people like us all.

I so wish I could give this a 4 or 5. Get an editor. 3 stars.

The revenge scene is and has been a bit overdone in the past but since there are new readers everyday, we will cut you some slack. I think you have potential as a writer and hope to see more in the future.

Let me see if I have this right... Mark and janet had the same dream? fucking stupid

Really, you need to get a qualified editor. The storyline is great, and the construction of the plot is wonderful. But for the reader to have to re-read to decipher the misspellings and punctuation errors, is killing the story. I gave it a 4-star, because of content; but you seriously need an editor.

Even if the sequence was broken.

This is really an interesting collection of human beings that the author has put together. Each one with their own personality.

Finally we get more detail about the night she tied him up. But at this point it's almost anti climactic. Further the actual description is clinical. Mark apparently zones out so we get none of the anger, humiliation, frustration, and guilt building that makes him leave after the event. He packs and goes. There is still no emotional energy here. <br><br>

And seven years later both of them are still dragging out this problem. They can't find anyone else to be with. Janet still hasn't told her mother what happened. Everything is still stuck in the mud. Yaaaawwwwwnnnn. Janet has decided to hang out with Mark's sister Sarah. OK, that's a bit interesting. But why? How did Janet come to do this? What was her thinking? <br><br>

You seem to describe events that happen like a camcorder. But the interesting part for the reader is the thinking and emotion that leads to the event. We get a bit more from Janet at times but it is repetitive. While she is fucking Steve she almost stops, then she remembers Mark and Jill and goes on, then she almost stops, then remembers Mark and Jill, ... I respect that making this type of thing interesting is hard for an author but that's what it takes. In a previous chapter he has a hot interlude with Julie. There are some issues but in this chapter you drop her in a sentence like a used paper towel after cleaning up a spill. WTF? You record the fact but not the interesting detail. OK, close the door on Julie. Check. <br><br>

And at the core is a story that leads me to not care about either of these people. Mark cheated simply because Jill made herself available and seduced him. He's a schmuck that apparently thinks with his cock. With his wife's best friend yet. His theme song could be: "If I only had a brain.". Janet is a nasty vindictive bitch. I could never again trust a woman who acted like she was trying to seduce me but instead tied me up and emotionally assaulted me. Nothing is happening in the story to change my impression so far. They did what they did and are now doing nothing. <br><br>

Finally, I echo the need for an editor. Reading this is like taking a drive through a beautiful mountain pass but on a really bad road. You are prevented from enjoying the scenery by the teeth rattling bumps in the road.

A good storyline, but a little hard to follow, but still a good read.

Sad but interesting, and the author has built sympathy for both of the main characters.

I am going to reread chapter 5 now, thanks for the post.

two wrongs rarely make a right.

When you drive yourself out -

Thanks for the offering.

Have they never heard of Psychiatrists? Get some help for god's sake. Even for fiction they're dumber that stumps. Nobody drags around like this for years on end. They either get over it or kill themselves. Maybe that's the answer! Let Mark and Janet die and then we'll be done with this mess.

After 5 yeaars he/she get dreams; ha ha ha!!! Only laughable!!!

Anyone comes back from that level of hatred and abuse!

This is written well and in a fashion to be considered seriously but being abused so seriously is catastrophic to mental health and nuclear to any relationship.

She needs her fucking head examined and he does because of the abuse she heaped on him.

She is one stupid fucking cunt and deranged to boot!

Makes me wonder if this asshole wannabe writer knows ANYTHING at all about MS, I have MS and the blase way this wannabe treats it tells me he knows FUCK ALL!!! He also needs to go back to school and learn BASIC English.

The husband is getting exactly what he deserves, thinking with the little head, screwing the neighbor just because he could. And what did the wife think he would do after her lesson to teach him how it felt? Two people THAT STUPID should not be married to anyone.

The story was moving along fairly well. A bit wordy, but still good. Then you wrote this chapter. All I could think of was how angry Mark was. Yes, he started it. But Janet finished it completely. Given his level of anger and disgust, why wouldn't he simply call the police when Janet released him? She's guilty of illegal restraint, assault, battery and spousal abuse, just to name a few of the charges she'd face. He'd get at least 80% of the marital assets, maybe ALL of the assets when she goes to prison. This rehash seemed unnecessary, did nothing for the story and really made her look bad.

Got me a headache trying to get a grip on this one.

No getting past that. Yes he cheated and deserved a divorce by betraying his wife. But, and this is a big but, Janet's betrayal was over the top James Bond villain evil. She set everything up, tied him to a chair, allowed herself to be debased and ridiculed and abused by that asshole Steve, faked her orgasms and made it clear to he rhusband how much better Steve was as a man. If she had stopped earlier leaving the threat in the air, maybe they can get past it. But he knew that she has mental issues and his adultery drove her to this extreme and their marriage was dead. Time to move on. That is why the thought of a reconciliation in the second half is befuddling.