All Comments on 'Willing Slave, Unwilling Master Ch. 03'

I'm really enjoying this story so far, but the long wait between 'chapters' of just two is a bit of a stretch. If that's how much you can do then that's how much you can do but I personally would enjoy a more frequent posting, even if it's at the cost of grammar or typos or spelling or whatever.

Keep at it!

She really is a Sweetie! And I'm looking forward to more.

You use of English is poor and needs some work.

Another very enjoyable chapter, I'm loving the interactions between Rose and Dan. Rose in particular is increadibly sweet. Keep up the good work. Also more brilliant world building. The anecdote Rose remembers about the other Lower Vil who struck a master (or at least that is my assumption) is heart breaking, it makes me think that maybe the issue isn't the enslaving of the Lower Vil but their treatment. Maybe Dan will start working on Lower Vil rights and protections rather than on abolishment of their slavery.

5/5 stars

(also the use of English seems fine to this anon, its not as overly flowery as some stories on the site but to be honest I think it suits the story)

I like your thinking in presenting this. Very well thought out, written, and presented. Keep those chapters coming asap.....

First, the good news. I think your writing is generally excellent and the story line is showing great promise. I especially like the scene with Zack, which seems to show that these Lower Vil can make decisions and take responsibility. It seems they are just conditioned to be helpless, Am I right? Rose herself is showing curiosity about the world, which is great, and shows she has potential to learn new things.

Second, a few weird things you can't possibly mean, "horsey" for hoarsely, "diverge" for divulge. These things stick out like the proverbial dog's balls. I speculated previously that they look like auto-correct, or perhaps auto-completion errors, if so please watch out for them, as they interrupt the flow of the story with 'what the hell does that mean' questions.

Third, the bad news (not that bad really) stylistic things that are, sure a matter of opinion, but annoy me anyway. "Jump physically" and "physically recoil", we know that jumping and recoiling are physical actions, so just "jump" and "recoil" are better. The same with "stomach churning with sick dread"; sick dread doesn't really add anything. Fruit "adorning" his plate. Really? Sometimes less is more.

Lastly, I hope you receive these comments in the spirit they are given. If I didn't think your concept and writing was not generally excellent, believe me, I wouldn't bother.

Very unique plot line to explore a very interesting question of nature/nurture. You're doing great with defining these characters.

There are a few word choice errors but not enough for me to be distracted from the story.

Interested to see where you take the tale. Thanks for sharing. 5*

I missed Ch.03 of Dan & Rose when it was posted. Thanks Mr Skywind, your comment alerted me.

I love the way this story is progressing. As a card-carrying pedant regarding the English language, the little word problems others have referred to are a bit irritating and it would only take a careful check read to correct them. (But I'll survive them because I'm enjoying the story so much.)

I am fascinated, LifeonVil by the way you are having Dan and Rose learning about each others' cultural conditioning and are drawing together. Going exceptionally well.

It's sweet.

Lue

I really love this!! Can't wait to read more!!!

It truly is a shame how few people have ever heard of, let alone understand, the russian psychologist Ivan Pavlov. Most famous for his work on conditioning. As the story goes, Pavlov did an experiment where he rang a bell, then fed a dog. He did this enough, that whenever the dog heard a bell, it would expect to be fed. I can only imagine how ingrained Roses conditioning must be at this point.

Anyway, food for thought.

....I would love a kind master like Dan.

Just what I like. Hurry up with a new one!

AnonJK

When is the next chapter gonna be out?

Hey everyone.

Sorry it’s taken awhile to post an update but I wanted to have some actual news before I did so. Since I posted this chapter I lost my proofreader and have spent a fair amount of time trying to find a new one. Happily I was contacted by someone who is willing to help, but unfortunately they are quite busy. They have however told me that they should be finished later this week so hopefully you won’t have to much longer to wait.

On the upside I’ve still been writing while everything else is delayed so there is definitely more to come!

Thanks for all your lovely comments, It puts a massive smile on my face every time I read them and motivates me to keep writing.

Cheers,

LifeonVil

I really like the details that bring authenticity to Rose's mindset, like the needlessly cold showers, and how the different viewpoints are distinctly themed/personalized per character. The story is hot already and there hasn't even been any sexy-time, it's just so good.

I love this story and like those before think the discreet points of view with the little details are wonderful. I do think the pov's could be better but... Let's just say if you're writing at a 7 and it could be a nine, my writing would be a two... in the negative :-P So criticism isn't mine to dole out.

I could talk for hour about the philosophies and ideals behind and surrounding this but I'd like to just say, cuz I couldn't hold it in, I am willing to conceive of a species that would better enjoy life being subservient but if I ever ran into it in reality I would scrutinize the hell out of that perspective and possibility. Let's just say I would be quick to own slave or at least spend time with them to flesh out the depths of theirs souls as it were, and if I could I would be quick to free them and champion freeing them. It would be a somewhat nuanced process that I could go on for hours and hours about maybe even write a book...HEY! If we ever find a subservient race I COULD HAVE BOOK DEAL!! Here's hoping for book deals! X-P

"Must you call me Master?" He groans, "Seriously, you must have realised by now that I'm not going to punish you for calling me Dan."

---

How has he not 'realised' by now that she's far more comfortable calling him master? Seriously, what is with this guy? He refuses to in any way acknowledge the culture that has been ingrained in her and yet he expects her to fully accept his own.

After three chapters I just can't get into this one. Your concept was fascinating, but your execution has been frustrating.

But, getting a bit tired of the continuing self-serving comments blown in by an ill wind. Just enjoy the good story.

Still some minor issues but still enjoying the ride.

Hot, hot, hot. Also, interesting characters and insights.