All Comments on 'Wired'

crackle...crackle...zzzzzzzzzzzzz...pop...OMFG...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Not horrifying like the first version was, but still not my cup of tea. I'm not totally against use of electricity, just not into it to any level that could be called torture.

The larger problem for me now is dispassionate way he is portrayed through her view. I can only judge him by what he says and does, and he doesn't come across well. The silence from both? Dulling not suspenseful. Face slapping? No. The snarky douche bag sadist dialogue at the end? Not appealing. All in all it makes me hope she does not make him cum in time and that his dicklet is still firmly between her teeth when the electricity hits. That would make me happy.

I honestly don't recall how well you developed her desires in the original. In this version, it's pretty solid. We're told what she likes. We get the sense of horny desperation she is feeling. I do wish we could glean more emotion from both of them. Are they a committed couple? True lovers or kinky fuck buddies? This could be a paid encounter for all I feel between them.

The best way to get better is to keep writing. Thank you for reworking this.

Good story