All Comments on 'Wired Ch. 01'

For your first work, this is a promising first chapter! As the title suggests, it could use a little editorial work, and at points I had trouble following who was saying what/what was happening, but I enjoyed reading it none-the-less.

If I had one piece of constructive criticism, it would be not to rush - I felt like you went straight from back story to sex scene, and there wasn’t enough build up/context to fully immerse myself into the story. That being said, I’m just the reader and you are the author, so take this with a grain of salt - you’re already doing something I’m not brave enough to do.

I eagerly await your next instalment, congratulations on your first submission!

Cheers,

Dennis