All Comments on 'With Best Friends Like This.... Pt. 02'

However I think it went too fast. She went from NEVER even holding a cock before to giving a blowjob, losing her viginity and then losing her anal cherry, in what a few hours?

I really do like the idea of revenge I just think a good girl like Christine probably would have approached a little more romanticly while using her best friend for revenge.

Also how did she end up in Bryan's apartment? She went from being on the phone together to jumping his bones! You never described how and when she was at his house.

Really liked your story though and will be looking forward to the 3rd chapter when the shit hits the fan! Maybe it was Christine that Bryan wanted all along, but because he was friends with her he never pursued her. Just a thought.

She went from talking on the phone to sitting on the couch, without moving from one place to another...?

Tenses shift strangely, punctuation is very hit-or-miss, and those damned asides are annoying.

I haven't even addressed the elements of the story, because I couldn't finish this crap.

If this is the best you can do, I'd say hang up the old quill.

Continue another chapter but slow down and be careful with the details.

The first part was OK. A bit muddled in the dialogue.

Second part was where you lost the story completely. Please explain how it went from;

Fortunately, before I got started, my phone rings. Who's calling me at 2 am?!

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi Bryan, it's Christine"

to;

With that, she totally took me off guard, and jumped me, knocking me back on the couch. "I'm a virgin, I've never done any of this, I haven't even HELD a cock..." In the same moment she said that, she reached in my sweats and grabbed my cock, slowly stroking, she slid off me, pulling my sweats down with her.

Without any mention of either being invited over, or just showing up at his place. It could have been a much better story.

Well you kept the laughter going, still silly as hell but funny