Without You I Have Nothing Ch. 18

"Just how far they carried me and where we were, I didn't know. Finally cut free from that damned bamboo pole I fell to the ground, unable to walk.

"As I looked up, there was my mother, clad in a Sarong Kebaya - a sarong with a tight, very tight, jacket highlighting her breasts and waist (the Singapore Airlines Hostess style uniform) - standing on the verandah of an attap (a Malay traditional hut of bamboo and banana leaves). She looked so calm and refreshed while I was lying there, still unable to move from the way my abductors had carried me suspended from a bamboo pole.

I wanted to scream my horror and my hatred for her. I couldn't understand what had happened, and right at that moment, I blamed her with all my heart especially as the ugly Chinese had just appeared at her side and was kissing her passionately.

"Screaming and crying to her for help, I watched as his hands began to pluck at the buttons on her blouse. Little did I realize that she like me was a terrified prisoner of this man and his band.

"'Ah, the Little One! Tonight I shall break him into my bed. He can become my bum boy' and he cackled evilly. His followers laughed and slapped each other at the joke but I fell silent, not knowing what he wanted of me.

"My mother put my safety and well being before her own. Ignoring the danger in which she was placing herself she screamed, 'NO! If you touch him then you will never have me again' and she beat at him with her fists.

"Snarling like some wild creature, he flung her to the verandah floor. 'You don't think he'd please me, eh? All right,' he turned to three of his followers. 'Take him to the cross and give him fifty lashes.'

"Turning back to my mother he leered, 'Let us see how your spawn likes that. Remember, my whore, he gets fifty lashes anytime you fail in your duties of pleasing me.' He dragged her to her feet and I was dragged off to the sounds of my mother's screams and moans."

Jennifer leant forward stretching out to place her hand on Peter's shoulder -- a simple action telling him she felt for his misery.

Peter's eyes flicked to her face and a slight smile told her he appreciated her action.

"Stripped, I was tied to a bamboo whipping post and the first blow of the rattan cane fell. I was five but that didn't save me. To stop myself from screaming, I bit into my cheek, refusing to allow my tormentors the pleasure of hearing my agony.

"All I could think of in my childish ignorance was that I would kill this man for what he had done to my father and me. I vowed Eui Si Soon would pay a very high price for the pleasure he had taken in the arms of my mother."

"Bloody hell!" It was too much for Andrew.

Elizabeth made no comment but her hands flew to her mouth in disgust then she clung to Jennifer as the two wept softly for the image of that little boy in the jungle.

Eric swore softly and leant across. He slid his arm around his wife's shoulders as if to support her.

"I was five and unconscious before the cane had fallen five times.

"The next morning I regained consciousness, still tied the post, but it wasn't long before someone decided that as a young Matt Selah, white man, I would make an excellent spy and I was set free.

To ensure my effectiveness as a spy, the next day my lessons began. They pounded Malay, Cantonese, Thai, Tamil and Mandarin - reading and writing into my head and the moment I faltered the dreaded cane fell.

Mathematics became my favorite. That teacher was the only kind one of all my so-called tutors. He always gave me special tidbits to eke out the poor food I was given.

"Day after day, week after week the group moved from jungle hole to jungle hole keeping clear of the choppers. Mum did her best to protect me but she was just as much a prisoner as I was. She could not escape because of me and I could not escape because of her. We were living in hell."

Peter could hear Jennifer's soft weeping and saw Andrew pull her head to his shoulder to console her while he continued. "The lessons and the beatings continued. These beatings were especially severe when visitors arrived at the camp. Eui Si Soon feted the visitors and gave Mum to them as a present to enjoy.

"Those times I dreaded in particular. Once I received the beating, whoever flogged me rubbed salt into the lash marks. When I regained consciousness I had to go into the bedroom with food and drink for the guest while…"

The horror and the terror Peter was outlining affected Jennifer and her mother who began to weep loudly clinging to each other. They understood the trauma that he had endured every day of his childhood.

Peter heard Eric's angry comment, "What kind of people were these. We treat our animals better than they treated you," but unable to respond, he left it unheeded as he persisted with his tale.

Almost whimpering, with anger in his voice Peter shook his head violently, and persevered.

"Jennifer, you must remember our time together on stage, how you found it difficult to believe that I could disguise myself so well during the melodrama."

Jennifer, looking at him through her tears, could only nod in agreement.

"The cast, too, didn't recognize me on stage that final night. The truth is, I had many years of using a disguise for my own survival, and one little pause, one stumble, one error, no matter how trivial meant I would have died at the whim of either Malay security police or the Thai military.

"I was the group's spy, and wearing contact lenses to hide my blue 'Christian' eyes I was sent to villages to gather information, to purchase food, or to lead the special visitors back to the camp which was constantly moving.

"My disguise lessons included lessons in the Holy Koran so I could worship with Malays, and lessons in Buddhism so I could pass unnoticed in a throng of believers.

"I was about ten and was wandering down a jungle track when I felt a pair of small grubby hands pulling me into the thickets. An Orang Kanaq, a Malay aborigine, squatted in front of me and his words surprised me.

"'It is time. It is time for The Little One to become a man,' he said.

"That was when the most important education of my life started. I became an assassin. The aborigines taught me to kill. They taught me to shoot until I became an expert sharpshooter and a killer, and I didn't always have to use a gun.

"They intended to use this Matt Selah to rid the jungle of this evil, believing the gang would never suspect this young boy -- their spy - of being capable of inflicting death. The aborigines knew the Chinese culture well.

Peter rose and silently moved to the back of the altar. He produced a cigarette box that he placed on the coffee table. Carefully he picked out a small cigarette-like piece of bamboo, hollowed his lips and puffed.

The family watched silently as this was so unexpected. The story had ceased and Peter had taken center stage.

"Andrew, try to move your right arm."

Andrew looked down to see his shirt pinned to the arm of his chair by a small bamboo dart. He shuddered.

Peter continued. "That dart wasn't poisoned, but had it been, it could just as easily have struck you in the throat and you would've died instantly. Look at the dart and you're looking at death. Yes, Eric and Elizabeth, I can ride horses, ride motor bikes and sing and dance but to my shame and horror -- I'm a trained killer."

Eric and Elizabeth studied each other for some clue as to how they would treat their new son-in-law, yet they both knew there was no choice.

This man had saved their daughter's life and had begged for their permission to marry her. It was obvious their daughter loved him, and his history, although hideous, was in the past after all.

There wasn't a sound as Peter retrieved the dart and replaced it even more carefully in the blowpipe, which he replaced in the cigarette box. He looked at the faces before him in the family circle.

"For about four years I learnt to become a killing machine - experienced in making poisons, accurate with my winged death and with guns. There were intensive training sessions in unarmed combat where the aim was to put the opposition down to stay down.

I had a comprehensive education in everything from death to language lessons, reading lessons, religious lessons, math lessons and lessons in pain." He almost shrieked the word 'pain' as though he could feel the rattan cane lashing into him still.

The family winced. The pictures Peter painted were so vivid they could almost see his turmoil and smell his hatred. They certainly shared his anguish.

"Suddenly, the games became more dangerous. The gang brought four prisoners into the clearing - twin Chinese girls and twin Tamil girls.

Because the girls were twins the gang considered them good luck and had kidnapped them to gain finances from two powerful, wealthy families. One family was in Singapore the other in Malaysia.

"My mother, knowing the horrors that faced them as prisoners of her evil lover went hysterical at the sight, and that day my beating with the rattan cane was most severe.

"Not content with ensuring my back was running in blood and then rubbing salt into my back, my torturers rubbed acid leaves into the mess that was my flesh as they tried to force me to scream.

"They sealed their death warrants.

"At night the five of us - the four girls and I - huddled together under a hut for warmth and safety. During the day, I made certain no one touched them. I was their protector and guardian. For months, the five of us built a friendship where I was their shield and big brother.

"When their food was insufficient, I gave up mine or I stole food from the cookhouse so they didn't go hungry. In spite of everything, the jungle, the heat and the poor food the girls seemed to thrive.

"Then disaster struck. Within two weeks of each other, they started bleeding. Their sexual clocks had started and I overheard the cruel voice of Eui Si Soon. 'Well, our little sparrows will make everyone happy after I have broken them in.' His laugh was evil."

Andrew leant forward in his chair, and Peter heard him breathe, "No, surely he wouldn't!"

Without glancing at Andrew, Peter returned to the horror of his former life.

"That night we crept into the darkness of the jungle and I led them to the Orang Kanaq's clearing where we hid until the sun rose. Using all the skills the aborigines had taught me, I led the frightened girls to the nearest kampong -- a Malay village - where I ordered the police to take us to the local town. There my blue eyes, not my fluent Malay, achieved the desired result.

"Explaining the presence of the girls I suggested they inform KL - Kuala Lumpur - the capital - that they had the girls. Not trusting the police, I listened intently to the conversation before snatching the phone to order, in fluent Malay, a detachment of police to come and collect the girls.

"I sat in the corner of the office with the girls, consoling them and begging them to go to their parents for help. They had to do something or both Mum and I would be dead.

"Hearing the rumble of armed vehicles approaching I fled to lie in the long grass, watching a number of armed scout cars arrive. Politely the police escorted the girls to the leading armored car and the convoy left.

"Earlier the girls had cuddled me and kissed me, begging that I leave with them, but I still had a job to do. I had to free my mother.

"Sadly, I watched the vehicles carrying my four little friends disappear into the distance before I faded into the shadows.

"Three days later I was heading towards the jungle clearing. To be frank, I was stupid and at the age of 14 especially with what had happened to me, I should have known better. Truthfully, my mind was busy planning to free my mother -- nothing more.

"Without warning I was surrounded by members of the band. They quickly hauled me before a very angry Eui Si Soon who, screaming in Cantonese, demanded, 'Where are the girls?' I just smiled and shrugged.

"Bellowing, he repeatedly punched me in the stomach then ordered his men to throw my mother and me into the tiger cage.

"This was a most feared punishment as the tiger cage was a tiny bamboo prison so small two prisoners could only crouch side by side with their heads bowed. The gang kept all prisoners in that cage until their wills were broken but usually twenty-four hours was long enough for that to occur.

"During the night when all was quiet Mum asked if the girls escaped safely and when I outlined what had happed she gripped my hands and sighed, 'I'm so proud of you. You are a man.'

"She went on to explain how Eui Si Soon had repeatedly raped and then blackmailed her by threatening her with his plan to kill my father and me. She explained how mystified she had been by the attack on the way to the Cameron Highlands and could only assume that one of the servants had revealed the family's plans for a second honeymoon.

"It was while she drowsed with her head on my shoulder that I felt a small hand pushing some containers of darts into my hand and soft words welcomed me to adulthood. Without disturbing my Mother, I hid the containers in the waist tie of my sarong.

"At sun rise I heard the order, 'Bring his mother.' Astonished, I couldn't believe what happened next. The leader ordered his men to strip her and to spread-eagle her by tying her to four stakes.

"He seemed to enjoy telling me of his plan when his men dragged me before him. Gloating he outlined his plans for us both. 'Because you want to be a hero, every man in the camp will rape your mother repeatedly until she is dead.

"First, we shall flog you, and then ask you again about the girls. After that your mother will be dead.'"

The memory of this day was too much for Peter. Weeping openly, he turned to face the two pictures.

It was some minutes before he could continue, and Jennifer frowned at her family when they attempted to rise to go to his side. She ignored their murmurs of sympathy.

Slowly she stood and moved beside him. Then she knelt with her arm across his shoulders.

There was a long silence until he faced Jennifer and nodded to show how much he appreciated her support. She returned to her seat beside her mother.

Having regained control of his emotions, he faced the family again.

"I shrugged the hands of my guards from my arms and as soon as we rounded the corner of the attap, I dropped to my knees and 'poof!' one was dead. The second guard was still wondering why his friend hit the ground when 'poof!' he also was dead. The man who had flogged me so mercilessly turned to flee but 'poof!' a third time and he joined the others in death. The poison-tipped darts had acted instantaneously.

"I crawled under the attap to see what was happening and could see my mother naked, tied to the stakes. All the men were stripping and queuing up ready to take turns on her."

Jennifer's wail and her mother's strangled cry of "Oh my god" didn't stop Peter.

Oblivious of his surroundings and the family's presence, his mind had taken him deep into the jungle, watching the preparations for his mother's gang rape. He did not realize the dismay, the revulsion and disgust the family was feeling.

"Suddenly I felt a nudge and my aborigine friend was beside me handing me more darts with a most gleeful expression on his face. 'Today, The Little One has become a man,' he whispered.

I took another pipe of death. "Poof! The first man in the queue, dead, pitched forward on his face.

"Poof! The second one fell sideways, but it wasn't until the fifth fell that the others realized they were under attack. They fled, screaming, with the 'wings of death' in those little darts following them.

"Suddenly I heard that bastard's voice above me. Eui Si Soon was standing on the verandah above my head. 'The bitch isn't worth it' and a shot rang out.

"My Mother was shot through the head and I was covered in her gore, with her blood and parts of her brain over my face and in my hair.

"Stupefied, I lost consciousness and when I did regain power over my mind and body I was with the aborigines who had cleaned me up and supplied not only a fresh sarong but had laid beside my body a rice sack containing all the accoutrements of death.

With the sack slung over my shoulder, I left my friends. My hatred and my anger overpowered my reason and my sorrow. I began stalking that bastard and his band of scum. They learnt what terror was."

Peter's eyes were red and the family felt the terror the men had felt.

Even Eric and Andrew, hardened farmers as they were, recoiled from the tone of voice, that whip lashed into their souls.

Andrew's mind returned to the night Peter drove out of the garage with the dummy beside him and he shuddered. That night, those men didn't stand a chance.

"I stalked them. I picked them off one - two, and sometimes three at a time. First, it was the one in the lead, then a straggler. Sometimes it was one of a group. I killed them in the latrines or as they sat eating. Nowhere were they safe. It was as easy as shooting ducks.

"I garroted them in their beds as they slept. I used the silent death," and he patted the cigarette box of bamboo darts, "Or I shot them. I beheaded, I castrated, I bled some to death and I hung some. The methods of death were many and varied.

"Terror was with them 24 hours of the day and fifty-three men died. I felt no remorse. I felt nothing. I was unfeeling - a zombie with only the thought of death in my mind.

"But then I became so confident that for the second time I grew careless. Accidentally, I came face to face with Eui Si Soon and saw him reach for his revolver.

'So? You've come to join your slut mother, eh, Little One?' were his words

"He should never have paused to speak as my dart hit him in the throat. His revolver fell to the jungle floor unused.

"However before I could move, or rejoice in my victory, I had a khukuri at my throat. At first, I felt that my life had ended when the band of Ghurkhas captured me.

"They had been following the fleeing band, witnessing the killing of my tormentors, and the boss's death. They had taken aim on him as he reached for his revolver then paused while I killed him.

"For two months I was hospitalized being checked for diseases. During this time, the Ghurkhas treated me like one of their own. The British officers wanted to hand me back to the RAAF, but the soldiers were unhappy at the thought, so the officers allowed me to sleep in the barracks, to march with the troops and to carry arms in the uniform of the Sixth Brigade of Ghurkhas. I took part in their training exercises.

"Finally I was returned to the Air Force, but was such a trouble maker they soon sent me back to the Ghurkhas. I had grown to love them and their way of life.

"At the RAAF School, I fought with everyone. They teased me about my slut mother. Unable to treat the girls charitably, all I could think of was that bastard servicing my mother like a stallion with a brood mare.

"Back with my beloved Ghurkhas I accompanied my platoon on a mission in the jungle at the back of Malacca, and through good luck, was able to save thirty-two of my platoon from a communist ambush.

"They thought I was unbelievably brave because I disguised myself as a Malay urchin, loudly singing the 'Negara Ku' - the Malaysian National Anthem - when I strolled nonchalantly into the arms of the attackers who had my friends pinned down.

"To be frank, I didn't even consider I would die, but why would I have worried? My family was gone, and late at night I often prayed that the Angel of Death would soon arrive to collect me. I really had no reason to live."

Peter grinned maliciously and his new family recoiled in horror.