Without You I Have Nothing Ch. 18

"The killer was loose again and quietly but slowly I took care of the attackers. When I called my friends they couldn't conceive of what I had done except that I had used the khukuri I was wearing under my sarong to remove the dead men's ears in the manner of the Ghurkhas."

Peter noticed Elizabeth's shudder at this detail and Jennifer's reaching to hold her mother's hands. He concluded that his story had been too vivid but after all it was his history and he had not told the family all the degradation he had endured. His love for their daughter had driven him to tell them his history -- the words, the pictures in his mind and the smells.

He wondered what would have happened had he told them of the taste of cleaning his teeth with bamboo, scraping his tongue, scrubbing his skin with sand before bathing in a jungle stream. Should he have mentioned the dangers of the jungle from snakes, tigers and elephants? What about the smells of burning flesh to remove the leeches and the days of eating leaves to kill hunger pangs? Should he have mentioned begging in the markets just to keep alive?

No! He decided he had told them more than enough.

"I think I should stop," he said as he stood. "I am so sorry Elizabeth, Eric and Andrew for the pictures I drew. Jennifer knew part of my story but I know it must have come as a shock to you. I should not have made you listen to my outlining all the horrors and trauma of my life.

Unable to contain herself any longer Elizabeth rose to hug Peter.

"Yes a shock, but we're so proud of you because, well, look at you now! However, I feel that the story is not complete so continue. You must get this all out in the open. It has to be left behind."

Peter looked at his watch then pulled Jennifer to her feet.

"My love, I've asked you twice to marry me. All those years ago, at this time, my mother died. In memory of her and my father, I'm asking you once more to marry me. I'm a trained killer with a horrific background, but you've taught me to use my heart for love. In spite of my myriad failings, will you still marry me?"

Before answering, Jennifer studied his face and ran a finger down his scar.

"You fool, Peter. You're a big fool. All that's in the past and I don't see a killer here in front of me now. I see a wonderful, loving man who's mine from now to eternity. Yes, I'll marry you - and don't bother asking again, you idiot."

Pulling his face down to hers, she kissed him so passionately he had to gasp for breath.

Slowly, giving himself time to recover his equilibrium, Peter moved to the plaque. Unsheathing one of the two khukuris, he read the inscription,

To Honorary Major of the 6th Ghurkha Brigade,
.............Peter O'Brien.
..........Let no man be fooled
....The Little One is a man to be feared.

Jennifer wasn't surprised when he nicked his thumb before replacing the blade.

"Yes. I am The Little One," he admitted, "But don't be mistaken about its meaning. I was the youngest Honorary Major of all time. I was sixteen, and I was given that honor simply because I didn't value my life and risked it to save my friends."

Andrew could restrain himself no longer.

"Well, Peter. You haven't changed much over the years. You risked your life to save Jennifer and for that we are most grateful." Andrew's sincere thanks cut across the story. "Show Mum your bullet scars."

Ignoring the comment and refusing to show anything more than his naked back, Peter smiled and, once again squatting, continued.

"Look at those knives, look at the blow pipes and see death. Feel my back and sense my hatred, my anger and despair. See all my scars, look into my heart and know you're a dead man if you touch my family." Peter's eyes swept over Jennifer and Elizabeth then the two men.

Each of the family shivered, knowing that those few words rang with truth. Months later, those words 'You're a dead man if you touch a single member of my family' would scorch their hearts.

"News of my promotion and my so-called exploits were soon known in KL and I was escorted to a mansion where I was re-united with my two Tamil sisters. Their father couldn't do enough for me, and enrolled me at Saint Francis Xavier's College in Penang to finish my secondary education.

"As I was the only Matt Selah - white person - in the college, I became a celebrity, but I took no notice at all, remaining a loner.

"Already I had found that as soon as I made a friend, the friendship was very quickly swept away by my refusal or my inability to let go of my past and I was alone yet again.

"My Tamil father made certain the Catholic priests trained me in all the European sports and past-times. He arranged to have my voice trained. I'm grateful for that training now but, God, how I hated those lessons with the priests!"

Peter then turned to Jennifer and then to Elizabeth as if seeking their forgiveness, "I was not perfect, however. Candidly, I was a problem - a real curse when it came to women.

"I could talk to my twin sisters when it was about living in the jungle, yet I became objectionable and horrible when the conversation was about anything else. I was more than an irritation - I was impossible."

"As soon as my education at the college was completed, I was shunted off to the Singaporean family of the Chinese twins. Again, I was alone with strangers and any friendship I could have built with my Indian friends was shattered.

"The Singaporean Police soon discovered my presence and they enrolled me at Nanyang University where everything was in Cantonese or Mandarin with occasional lectures in English. The police used me as a secret agent because the University was a hot bed of communism.

"It made no difference to me, as I was still a Matt Selah - an outcast - still a loner.

"I had completed my First Year Exams when I saw a picture of a Singaporean Cabinet Minister with an article about his exploits.

"The Cabinet Minster and two of his bodyguards were dead within the week. The article hadn't included all the facts - that the three had taken their pleasure of my mother, and that my flogging that night had been particularly severe.

"Before my second year at Nanyang University, all those who had used my mother were dead and The Little One slept soundly, possibly never to be reawakened. I passed the final exams and was the first and only Matt Selah to be dux of that University, passing my subjects with honors.

"Perhaps they should have offered a university medal in the faculty of 'killing' and I wouldn't have had to study so hard." Peter's hoarse laughter here was both bitter and harsh.

After a long pause he continued.

"Yes, I earned extremely high degrees with honors, simply because I had no other life. I couldn't socialize, I couldn't even be happy - not even with my two families of twin sisters.

"There was no way at all I could mix with women, and I regarded everyone with great suspicion. I was an outcast - a very, very dangerous loner.

"My Tamil and Cantonese Fathers must have talked over my problem and agreed between them that I needed some training in the softer side of life. They packed my things and put me on a train to Butterworth where a limousine picked me up.

"The two burly guards accompanying the driver allowed no nonsense. Next, I was ushered into a mansion in Bukit Mertajam and left there. I noticed the gates were closed and the two brawny guards stood waiting for me should I attempt to leave."

The women looked relieved that the horror had passed and seemed almost delighted that the topic had changed now Peter was telling of his return to civilization.

Even Andrew was silent wondering just how the story would end.

"A meal was on the table in the dining room and I ate well - no cutlery so I ate in the Malay fashion - right hand only, after I poured water from the ornate silver teapot in the center of the table over that hand and flicked the water to the floor. I knew hidden eyes were watching me through the ornate filigreed paneling walls, which definitely belonged in a harem.

"The meal hadn't finished when I collapsed on the floor, realizing, as I lost control, that I'd been drugged.

"Suffice to say that after two months of being trained in the subtle arts of pleasuring a woman, I was made to realize the truth of the favorite quote of the bordello in whose care I found myself,

A Woman
Be very careful if you make a woman cry,
Because God counts her tears.
Woman came out of a man's rib,
Not from his feet to be walked on,
Not from his head to be superior,
But from the side to be equal.
Under the arm to be protected
And next to the heart to be loved.'

"Eventually I left Asia to return home to Australia, but was Australia home? I hadn't seen it since I was five years old and now as I returned I'd lived the life of six adult men in one.

"Financially I was a multimillionaire thanks to the largesse of my two Asian fathers who had given me huge bank accounts. They seemed to think I had done something wondrous in saving their daughters.

"However, money was nothing compared to the empty space in my heart. In fact, money seemed to pour into my coffers from everywhere. Dad's insurance and retirement benefits were huge and then there was Mum's money as well. There was money aplenty but it meant nothing to me.

"I had no family and I needed no money, and my god laughed at me as everything I touched turned to gold. I was a Matt Selah version of King Midas and those millions climbed until today, I am a billionaire.

"Back then, at the same time as I was wealthy, I remained an assassin - a loner. I was a killer, and one known very well to those who met me on my arrival in Australia at Mascot - the Australian Secret Service -- ASIO. Occasionally they called me in to supply information about Chinese or Indian Criminals.

"Very quickly my degree in psychology reminded me I had to find friends and couldn't exist as a loner. I joined a tennis club where I met Ted and Bob. Later I joined the dramatic society to put my Asian skills to work. Yet all the time I kept my wealth and background a secret. I would not reveal the true Little One to anyone.

Smiling, Peter took Jennifer's hand.

"Then you came along and, well," he paused, "the rest you know.

"I met you and for the first time a woman stole my heart. I realized that to gain your love I would need to expose my soul. The prospect was terrifying.

"We both struggled with our demons. You battled with the memory of that night of the school ball and I contended with the horrors of my childhood. Thank God, we were able to overcome our fears of allowing our hearts to become one.

"Suddenly I've found peace, love and happiness with your family, and no-one will ever take that away from me."

His words were so emphatic that Andrew couldn't help thinking that anyone who tried would be risking everything.

Exhausted, Peter leaned forward and placed his hands in Jennifer's lap. Slowly he lifted his eyes to look first at Eric then Elizabeth.

"Now I must ask you once more. I need a truthful answer. Am I still welcome to become your son-in-law as Jennifer's husband? Eric, I sense you in particular have been questioning my history, wondering if this stranger is the right man for your only daughter."

Peter continued explaining his past and revealed even more about himself. At times, he paused, wondering if he was overdoing his personal sell to win over Jennifer's parents. Yet he continued producing paper after paper of clippings from the Straits Times, University Degrees and passports to back up his history. He didn't want to leave anything to chance and risk the family finding out something of his past a few years on.

Eric and Elizabeth were astounded at the truthfulness and openness of Peter to reveal such a painful and brutal past.

Peter paused to draw breath and Eric rising from his chair motioned Elizabeth that he wanted to see her privately in the kitchen.

Peter, Jennifer and Andrew felt an air of tension but in his usual fashion, Andrew tried to make light of the situation.

Eric and Elizabeth seemed to be gone for what felt like an eternity. Finally, they walked back into the room hand in hand both bearing a grin that instantly eased the tension. Their earlier disquiet about Peter's background had disappeared. There was no hesitation as Elizabeth darted across the space between them and hugged Peter to her as Eric lifted him to his feet.

"Lad, you're part of the family already and have been in our hearts since Jennifer first prattled on nonstop about 'her Peter'. That was many months ago. Yes, to be truthful Elizabeth and I have been worried that Jennifer has been involved with a man whose mysterious background confused us.

"Then there was the worry over the three criminals. Yet Andrew was so certain you could cure the problem and the heartache. He rang us immediately you drove off in that truck reporting that there was no problem as you would fix their wagon.

"Stop worrying - you're ours and we're yours. Thank you for unburdening your soul - we know it's been harrowing, but now it's ceased to be a burden and we're all here to share your worries and troubles."

Stunned by the family's reaction and the speed with which they made him part of the family Peter felt a heavy weight slide from his shoulders.

Even Andrew's dry comment seemed so friendly as well. "Good on you Jennifer. I thought you must have something under that head of hair. I can't believe Sis has captured this wild man - a billionaire to boot. What about a loan?"

He threw his head back and roared at the shocked look on Peter's face.

"Now you're family you're on the tractor tomorrow. No shirking," he concluded.

Everyone's attention was on the engagement and the ring and Peter could actually feel the warmth of feeling while he packed up all the bits and pieces that made up his personal memorabilia. He took one last look as his parent's pictures as he packed them away carefully, and he was certain they were both smiling broadly.

As Elizabeth handed Peter a coffee she quietly whispered to him, "Guide me, Oh Thou Great Jehovah! Well I'm so grateful that our God led you to us."